Poker Articles

By Fox | Published Aug 30 2005, 01:02 PM


I do my very best not to reply at a table when someone starts to attack me. Really, I try very hard, and I very rarely say anything at all. I didn't even say a thing last night when some idiot started berating me about what a bad player I was after three hands at a 10/20 6 max table on Empire. But I was thinking it.

Oh yeah. I was thinking it...

So instead of saying it at the tables I'll just say it here, and we can all say it together and get it out of our systems so we don't say it at the tables and educate these idiots.

"You idiot! You're calling me a donkey? I've got 1,800 hands logged on you and you are a certified fish. You lose money hand over fist because you know absolutely nothing about this game and you call me a donkey? I called out your hand before you flipped it over you bonehead. I know how often you check raise on the turn and how often you see the flop.

I've tracked your play long enough to know your mother's maiden name you fool, and you don't even remember if you've met me before. I make my living off suckers like you, and I have students who play better than you their very first day, but you think I'm a fish because I chased my inside straight with two over cards?

12 to 1 pal, do you know what those numbers mean? Those are the odds I was getting to draw out on your top pair second kicker.

And I knew you would pay me off even more if I hit my hand. I knew you would sit there and hit the call button while you swore to yourself because you knew I hit my hand. And you did. You hit that call button when I check raised you on the turn and you hit it again on the river. You knew you were beat but you couldn't accept it, just like you can't accept it now.

If you live to be a hundred years old you will never consider the fact that your reraise preflop with KJ might have been foolish? That you and your fish friends all calling that raise were the reason I had the odds to chase my straight draw later?

It's a seven card game pal, and if you wanted to play 5 card stud instead I would beat you in that too, but this is a seven card game and I played it right. The only thing your whining does is teach people worse than you how to beat you and let people like me know that you're an idiot.

I may not be the best player in the world Mr. Donkey, but I'm a hell of a lot better than you are so spare me the lecture. Now shut up and rebuy, I just got another cup of coffee and I can do this all night."



There, I actually feel better. I'm gonna head back to the tables and look for another fish who wants to teach me all about how to play poker. I hope no one takes this the wrong way. I have nothing against people who don't play well. I was one of them once, we are all were, but I didn't swear at people when they beat me, and I didn't try to lecture people at the table when I didn't know what I was talking about. It's this players lack of class to go along with his lack of poker skills that bothered me, not his ignorance.

Maybe I'll have a nice cup of tea and go to bed actually, it's been a long day.

See you at the final table,
Fox