The following is a collection of thoughts from 2CardsCollege coach Alex Assassinato Fitzgerald.

If I can’t take myself seriously who else is going to?

I screw up a lot.

I’m a pretty average poker player and a much better writer.

I left my home during senior year of high school on pretty bad terms with my family, pretty broke. I went to Alaska and worked as a commercial fisherman.

I worked as a security guard in Seattle, usually sleeping through my shift, and then came home to play SNGs all night, $30 SNGs, then $16 turbos. A few months later, I started playing 180-mans. Probably wasn’t the smartest idea to quit my job then.

I remember going to doctors when I finally got some money together. Aspergers, OCD, ADHD, blah blah, none of the meds worked until I got to the antipsychotics. One discussed how a part of the brain just might not have attached correctly.

When I grinded 60-80 hours a week alone in a shit apartment, I had a hard time talking to people. I grinded myself out of my mind.

When I have had girlfriends, I see them too much since I work at home and many women don’t understand that just because you’re at home doesn’t mean you’re not working and that you can’t just drop everything at any time.

At 19, I found myself in a million-dollar condo atop Seoul.

I struggled for years with feelings of self-doubt. When I did make a considerable amount of money from the game, I alternated between hoarding it and blowing it because I assumed I’d never have the opportunity again.

10 years in the game: still grinding, still head-banging, still drinking energy drinks, still making $$$$$$$.

A real job, ugh, it would take serious rehabilitation.

It’s safe to say life is good.

I never trust a poker player who says they’re good, just like I don’t trust you’re really a self-made businessman if you have to throw the “entrepreneur” descriptor in every sentence.

I know I should be more mature, but when I hear the unproven MTTer idioms. I still roll my eyes.

You’re working hard. You deserve success right? Wrong. You’re not special. Get your own style.

What in the blue f***are you thinking when you make this bet? I often yell this at my laptop while on a Skype call with one of my students.

Brutal, unfiltered honesty. It isn’t the most popular thing in the world, but it might be the most productive.

Most people are just like my German friend, who has made a decent amount of money in poker. They paint poker in these broad strokes. They talk about it like sex, driving, or dancing. “I ____ aggressively.”

If you’re playing against djk123 every day in the $100 Rebuy, then yeah, okay, start balancing your range. Versus PhilIvey1232546, let’s just accept he’s probably playing his game and not yours.

If I believe I’m running bad, I’ll excuse myself from the hard work.

Many worked hard to make me feel like I’d disappear forever in poker sooner or later.

People are like, “How do they make that kind of money?” My first thought is, “Work for free more than anyone else.”

I’m no millionaire, but I do a mathematical rundown of every play I make.

People act like I should be dead given my workload. I think most people possess my modicum of intelligence and I don’t feel especially energetic.

What really gets me through is not feeling the pain. I don’t remember much of the work that goes into a particular project. What I remember is the finished product. The wear and exhaustion are temporary. The satisfaction can stick your chin up for years.

Do not compare yourselfto others and be happy with what you have. Put in as many hours as you can. Remain open-minded. Be patient.

Ninety percent of people do a job that does nothing for society. I think it’s a fault of the Western psyche to always believe we are so important. We want these expensive all-important lives when we’d be much happier focusing on the happiness of ourselves and the ones we love.

One time on Twitch, my table was very boring. Full ring. No hands. I decided to go on a rant about why I hate all politicians and the people who fervently support them, as if these career talking suits actually ever do anything. I got more subscribers during that rant than during any of my strategic analyses.

There’s just so much BS in poker I can’t really care anymore.

It is most important to me that I be a devoted family man and Christian.

My wife does a great job of giving me my space, but also telling me when I’m spending too much time reading Cracked articles or playing Playstation.

She is a saint.

I’ve come to really respect a number of my Jewish and Mormon friends. While we have differences in religious philosophies, I see their families prosper through sobriety, love, dedication to each other, and focus.

I have a macabre sense of humor. Hyena laughing.

When ZeeJustin says you can do something in his… extremely… measured… form… of… speaking, it’s automatically acceptable for the MTT community to do.

I’ve never been a big fan of zen or meditation.

If you can’t take a beat in an air conditioned room, playing cards, drinking comped drinks, you don’t deserve to play for a living.

You can earn US currency in any country on Earth. All you need is an internet connection.

Bodies exhibit. Seeing the brain detached really got to me. This… little thing. This bowl of gelatin causes almost all of my pain and pleasure.

The unwritten life is not worth living. That’s my quote now. You owe me $200 whenever you use it.

I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, but eating that Papa John’s easily takes the cake.

My wife looked me right in the eye the other night and said, “Honey, you’re getting fat.”

I always wonder what kids these days are going to do in poker. When I was young, the save points sucked on games. You’d lose your progress all the time. Boss battles were insanely difficult. Now, they play the campaign mode and could die three times in the whole game. It’s not going to teach you to deal with the ups and downs of poker. It’s a bum hunt.

I feel like the line between Grand Theft Auto 5 and the real world is really blurring.

You flat too much.

Many of you reading this are probably nodding.