I’m old. I’ve lived a lot of places and known a lot of people from all walks of life. I have numerous memories of times simultaneously cherished and reviled; things I am glad I did once, and pray nobody I know ever does again. If what I’ve been through can help another person avoid getting stepped on or used or heartbroken, so be it. If what I have to say is considered another preachy article by a pompous jerk…well, so be that too.

There is a steady stream of posts on the PocketFives message boards with one of two related themes:

“My good friend/roommate somehow logged into my online poker account and cleaned me out. What do I do?”

“I staked my good friend/roommate in some tournaments, and he burned me. What do I do?”

These are expensive and brutal lessons to learn, to be sure. I can empathize. I have been there myself. But because I’ve been there, and because these stories are so widespread, I lack sympathy. Most of us should know better.

I’ve written before about the uniqueness of online poker players in relation to other gamblers, and how computer interfaces shield the current generation from the harsh realities of people attracted to degeneracy and easy money. There will always be people looking to rip you off, but they’re easy to miss if you don’t deal with them regularly and place most of your action with a legitimate business.

Twenty-some years ago, when I played my first blackjack games, it was in someone’s basement down the street from my dorm room. The house rules were written on a piece of cardboard taped to the wall. The first sports bets I placed were with a bookie hanging out at the same pool hall where I hung out. He carried a wad of cash and a notebook tucked in his back pocket. There was a very distinct possibility of not getting paid if you won, or cheated into a loss afterward.

It was fairly easy to tell the degenerates from the people who just liked action. The degenerates were far too aggressive about everything they did, whether it was celebrating someone else’s victory, talking about your friendship, or asking for a loan to go play so-and-so at $20-a-rack 9-ball. If you chose to stake them, you understood you might never see the money again. The possibility of a rip-off was calculated as part of the potential return on investment. Economic bad beats loomed around each corner.

Even though I trust the sites I use with my money, my guard is still up with the memory of those days. The game feels more real to me than to someone who never placed bets in that environment. Someone today who turned $50 into thousands (or perhaps much more) without ever holding a dollar in their hand doesn’t understand. And therein lies the problem – y’all are just far too trusting. The money feels too easily won, and therefore, isn’t protected the way it should be.

In general, it’s a good rule to keep money and friendships separate in the first place. I have a set of friends in my life, old and new, from everything I’ve done since grade school. This includes a number of PocketFivers, a larger group than I anticipated when I first signed up for the site – much larger than any other message board I’ve ever been on. I’ve lived in a house with a few, chat with more on AIM, and sent hundreds of E-mails. I cherish their place in my life, and I hope the feeling is mutual.

The one subject I avoid with them is money. It’s not a matter of trust, or thinking they would treat me bad, or anything along the lines. I’m protecting our friendship from temptation and the potential for something to go wrong, intentionally or not. When I’m short in my account, I don’t ask them for a loan or help me hook up with a stake. And although they’ve never asked, I wouldn’t want to get in these spots with them.

If you value money, at all, use the word “no” when it comes to loaning people money or letting others have access to your account. A true friend will understand. If you’re interested in backing people, that’s fine…just be careful and smart with your horses. If a player has needed to be backed for a long period of time, they likely have a leak in their personal life, which will suck up your money the way it has theirs. And the way it sucked cash from their previous backers.

Have a frank conversation before you start about why they want to be backed. Get a complete picture of their financial situation is. If you don’t get the answers you like, keep your money in your wallet.

There are far too many people out there who only care about being in action. They will act like the coolest people in the room, or your best friend, or whatever role they need to play to get close to you. They will use your money the way a junkie uses the needle, and toss it away with the same callous disregard when the action is done. If they hit a big score with your stake, a degenerate will not give you the first, second or third consideration…regardless of how much he valued your “friendship” when he was broke.

The best thing you can be, as a poker player or gambler, is a good judge of character. Don’t toss the word “friend” around too lightly, and you will have a much greater appreciation of your true friends.

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