I'm no online poker legend, but I have started overcoming a weakness of mine, and I wanted to share. There is one feeling worse than a bad beat, and that is getting busted out by somebody who has been talking trash. <READMORE>

For my sins, I can't turn off the chatbox. I think it gives you a unique insight into who you are playing against, particularly if you befriend them. You can discuss previous hands and the logic behind the plays and get an idea of the caliber of the player. For example, if somebody starts talking about pot odds or double belly busters, I know they are scholars of the game, and if someone makes a comment like 'must have aces' the moment they get reraised, I know they are not. I also like it when I play a good natured table that congratulates good plays and laughs about bad beats.

With this in mind, I would always find myself 'playing sheriff' when there was a jerk at the table. We all know the type, makes a big deal out of criticising starting hands (particularly when it beats theirs), begs people to call, calls them a p*&$% when they don't. It's usually also the guy who sticks around in the chatbox when they get busted out, offering people a duel right now in a $50 heads-up match, etc. I've always laughed at these people and made fun of them when they got out of line, and more than anything, I've considered them idiots.

Generally, my quick-mouthed counterpart is a fool who has recently lost me plenty of chips. Until recently, I have never considered this level of trash talk to be much of a tactic. That was until a ventured into a higher (than I am used to) stakes table.

I went into a $40 6 handed SNG. In a 6 seater, I am prepared to play a variety of junk hands, because obviously their values go down a little. I also was used to being able to outplay people in the $15 equivalent table I had been playing. When the jerk at the table started noticing some of the hands I was winning with, he started laying into me about how I wouldn't last 2 minutes at the table and should go down a level. He also started laying into everybody else for the same reason and also my picture in the avater box (for the record, I think I'm a decent looking fella). I got into my usual table sherriff mode and gave the talk back, but he never stopped, and I could actually feel my blood boil.

What I was not paying attention to was the fact that he was still a good player, which meant that anytime I got anything that even remotely looked liked paint, I would play it in the hopes of catching a monster. I never did and was not only losing chips, I was giving him more fuel for his starting hand taunts. My game ended when he raised to me and I had pocket 9s. I foolishly went all in, even though I had enough chips to not have to go to such desperate measures. Naturally he folded, which left the third person in the hand to take me out with pocket 10s. His tactic worked; he put me in a mental state where I made some basic errors, which led to my elimination.

I then did something was not proud of, something I have always laughed at others about when they've done the same. I stuck around and, having been with my girlfriend the night before, used the only thing I thought I had as an arsenal against him. I declared that he was a virgin and that I had gotten some last night. I'm 26 years old, and this was my great defense. I may have well have said I was going to find him and beat him up, or commented that my dad was bigger than his dad. He then took the time to laugh at me, so I continued my narrative to include his mother in the sordid story, which he also found amusing. This guy was probably a Tom Cruise lookalike who had a different girl every night, and I very much doubt I had in anyway put a dent in him.Iin fact he was probably exceptionally proud of the job he did of turning me into a gibbering idiot.

I was still in the mindset that this person was a fish, just a nasty one. I then watched the series 3 WPT Paris episode, where Tony G turned Surinder Sunar into a nervous wreck for the majority of their heads-up match. Surinder eventually went on to win what I thought was one of the most intense heads-up matches I've seen on the WPT, but for a while, it was going Tonys way. He was making Surinder lay down some good hands, and Surinder was twitching like a looney when he normally was very much the rock poker face type. Tonys antics made Surinder make some mistakes he never normally would, as did my nemesis, and as have many a jerk I have witnessed since.

With this in mind, I have made some guidelines for dealing with the jerks:

If they start talking trash, either ignore them or agree with them.
If they call you a p*)%$ for folding, just say 'sure am.' If they say they cant wait to bust you out, tell them if anyone is going to, you'd like it to be them. This is taking their best weapon away from them, and they will soon get bored.
Never ever get drawn into trying to justify a play you have made.
I once lost concentration explaining what pot odds were and how me calling an all in with J3o was the right thing to do. Similarly, I witnessed a (very good) player get drawn into a slanging match with somone else about why he stuck in with a gutshot straight draw. It went on for so long that he didn't even notice how profitable it was for me to steal his blinds. It's more profitable to be thought of as a fish than the next Doyle Brunson, so don't give your tactics away by explaining why you raised on the button with 58o.
Don't even think about all-in.
The all in bluff is precisly what he wants you to do; wait till you have a hand.
Play the cards, not the player.
If he is really getting under your skin, don't even think you can outplay him (unless you flop the nuts), because you will be thinking too much about how good it will be to bust him and not enough about the cards in your hand.
Don't be a hero.
There are other people at the table that can bust him out, and it will feel almost as good. Don't waste your chips and your chair pushing all in on the first chance you get at a coinflip.
Don't forget about the other players.
Your vendetta against the trash typer is not going to mean that the rest of the table are going to lay down bullets. Also, have a think about how this a-hole might actually be helping you. If you can keep your composure when he is getting under everyone else's skin, then you will soon be at a table where people are making mistakes, and then you can take advantage.
Play tight.
This is a generalization really, but a heated table is a loose table, play tight.
If he beats you, close the window.
Nothing good will come from staying in the chat box once you get busted out. I was once in an MTT in the middle stages when somebody new joined our table. A minute later, the text appeared from someone who had been eliminated by him, who then proceeded to hound the guy and tell us all what a jerk he was and the hands he had played for the rest of the tourney. We all pitied that guy, and his chatter had a reverse cheerleader type effect. The guy ended up making it to the FT.
I would never advocate acting like a jerk at the table. I like to see flops, and you'll never get that cheaply when people are after your blood. I like to befriend people at the table, and that makes them tend to believe my bluffs a bit more.

I would like to hear from anyone who is, by their own admission, the jerk at the table, and how it works for them. I guess I'm asking for tips for aspiring jerks, etc.

GG all
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