The following is a list of things that "bad" poker players generally will either say or do.

1. They will play their flush draws exactly how you would expect a donkey to play them. <READMORE>

What this means is, they will call pretty much any reasonable sized bet (even 2x pot, or all in sometimes, not ALWAYS as percieved by many) with a very quick call, almost so automatic that it's scary.

The way I envision the donkey in my mind is, him on his computer chair sitting relaxed. He gets sooted cards and he adjusts himself in the chair, looks around...gives a little smirk as if to say, "yeah baby, I am so sooted it's not even fair." The flop comes out with two of his soot. He jumps up a little bit more and instinctively bets out. He doesn't even know why he bet out, but it just seemed like a good idea. Even if there was a preflop raiser that he called, he leads out with his flush draw. Now you could argue that this is a decent play, but in this donkey's case... nope - he saw a 4 flush an excuse to go heee hawwww!!

He gets reraised, or bet into and he calls like THAT. I can see our donkey almost out of his chair now, because he cannot wait to see that turn card... it could be his FLUSH. And we know that donkey's have no concept that poker is a game of relative hand strength - just that a flush beats mostly everything... and that if he has the nuts, he has no reason to fear anything at all. He makes excuses in his own mind, conciously or not - to chase these draws because he is so scared that if he folds this situation and it hits... he will be the biggest idiot ever for folding the F'ING NUTS!

It's not that these players don't have an idea of pot odds - but it's more of a fear on their part to either A) fold the nuts (which is why they get upset if they fold 62o UTG and the flop comes 662... they play results oriented, rather than decision oriented) and B) they enjoy the feeling of jubiliation when they realize that they have a hand that can' be beaten by any other hand. The funny part about this is, that they will usually soft play their made hands because they are just so proud of them, that it would litterally tear them up inside if they got no action on it.

2. They type out poker lingo in full form.

There is nothing more appetizing for me personally, than when a player types out something like "nice hand" or "good hand" or "tough luck, good game ". Wow, could you be anymore of a novice player who is trying to make friends?

When players at the table talk in a way that makes me believe that they are only playing to have some fun - I am going to make it my duty to get involved into pots with them, preferably when I have position on them too. I want them to feel as if the game is luck, and that I am hitting my cards. I will probably act in a similar fashion back to them with the occassional "wow, very nice hand!" as if to say 'aren't we all just a bunch of happy people playing this wonderful game!?' - when in reality, I am targetting them at every opportunity I get.

3. They honestly believe the cards dealt have a personal vendetta against them.

The other kind of internet chat that I like is the Rigged player. This player truly believes that Internet poker is fixed in such a way that it's unbeatable. They will often be the ones who type "Riverstars" or "Only at Paradise" or "Never fails". They come up with theories as to why they aren't as successful as other players, and it usually includes something to do with their measily bankroll, or the competition around them. "If I didn't have to play with such f'ing idiots all day I could make some money... If the players were good enough, I could win so much."

Notwithstanding the fact that no matter which way you slice it - good = good and bad = bad... these players also neglect to realize that luck is a factor in this game. They believe that getting their chips into the middle with the best of it is all their is to it, and they forget to realize that their hand must hold up. They don't understand the actually percentages of a hand beating another hand, and are very likely to believe that online poker deals "action flops" and things of that nature.

4. They are poker amoebas.

These players are also more apt to change their overall style so frequently that their style could be categorized as "Emo." Their poker style varies so much according to their current state of mind that they let their emotional thought process take over the rational thought process - and make decisions based on stupid and oftentimes, severely wrong assumptions about the game.

5. They Always Say Never.

They are commonly found saying the two words that you should always remember to never say... Always and Never. Nothing ALWAYS happens, and nothing NEVER happens... there is a balance. If your aces NEVER held up, that would be a miracle beyond all miracles over a certain amount of time. Just as if the river ALWAYS beat you - it would be another ghostly miracle that I have yet to have witness.

6. They will attribute the reason they lost to anything and everything.

They cannot accept that in reality, they might not be as good a player as they think they are. It is easy for someone to believe that because they actually take time to think about poker in a more complex way, that they are automatically a good player. Well no, that doesn't make very much sense. If I were to think really long and hard about what plays the Colts should make against the Packers on Sunday, would that make me a good Offensive Coordinator? Probably not at all.

Imagine Peyton Manning saying "well if only our crowd would cheer a bit louder in the 4th quarter, I probably could have thrown that TD pass.... but they are so rigged..."

People will always look for other things to blame for their lack of success. In sports, blame the coach. In school, blame the fat kid with orange hair. In business, blame T-Bor.....

When players can accept the responsibility for their learning, and realize that everyone - from Phil Ivey, to JohnnyBax to Joe Blow has something to learn from this game that is constantly changing, and that yes, you don't know everything about this game - it's going to make for a better learning process.

Every good player has a fundamental approach to their game, and they stick to it - even when the times get rough. What seperates the good players from the great players is a debate that isn't warranted here, but I think you get where I'm coming from.

Bad players will *always* exist, at every level of poker. The reason for this is likely that people refuse to change. People who blame everything and the kitchen sink will probably *never* get better at this game.

I know that if I'm going to get better, I going to *ALWAYS* keep my head up, and *NEVER* quit learning!

-gidders </READMORE>