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Superman[ return to main articles page ]

By: seal
Published on May 15th, 2008
No matter where I am or when I get to bed, I am always up around 5 am. One morning on my recent visit to Florida, I was surprised to see my father get up and join me for coffee at that early hour. It turns out that, in his relatively young retirement, he enjoys playing tennis in the morning with the mostly older men in Boca West. Since the rest of my family wouldn’t be up for hours (and heaven knows I can use the exercise) I decided to come along, at least for a walk.

As we arrived, my father introduced me to the men. I got the feeling right away that he must talk about me sometimes as several of the men asked me questions about my kids and poker. One man sat with my father and I and started talking as if we were old friends. My father had one of the earliest matches and, within minutes, he was gone and I was listening to my new friend’s tales of betting at the local dog track.

The man, who made me promise to call him Clark, looked and seemed older than his healthy 74 years. His skin was brown and leathery from the strong Florida sun, and hung loosely from his neck in a skinny pouch. His few remaining short white hairs desperately clung to the back of his head, reluctant to give in to total baldness. Around the back of his left ear, he wore one of those too-big hearing aids that fought for head space with his black, horn-rimmed glasses.

Clark had just finished telling me about how he won a daily double at the track, and he got up to freshen up his coffee. As he sat back down I asked him if he ever played poker at the track. He leaned forward and said in a horse, raspy whisper full of gravel, “Your dad told me you are a poker player. Can you keep a secret?”

I assured him I could, although since I am writing this I guess you could say I lied. But Clark was satisfied and he said, “I play poker all the time. And I have an edge too. I never like to gamble without an edge. I don’t know if you could say that I cheat, but I definitely have an edge.”

He tapped the back of his left ear and I wondered if he knew he had a tell as he continued. “Most of the players around here are old men. One thing about us old men is that we like to mumble and grumble. Some of us do it without thinking and some of us just got used to complaining, but most of us do it. And one day by accident I made an interesting discovery about all this mumbling. If I turn my hearing aid up a bit I can hear the softest whisper.”

Clark smiled and showed more than a few missing teeth. “I remember the first day I found out what this baby can do. I was in a hand with this guy around my age, and I figured he was on a draw but I couldn’t tell if he was drawing to the straight or the flush. Well, the straight card hits on the river and I hear him clear as day say, ‘About time,’ so I fold my set.”

“The thing of it is that I hear pretty good out of my left ear but not so good out of my right. So the next day I switched it to my left ear and now I can hear a bird fart from the other side of the golf course. I’m like freaking Superman. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made good poker decisions based on what I hear mumbled under some guy’s breath. This thing is a gold mine.”

Well, I am an honorable SOB and this casual admittance of cheating appalled me. But I know old men and I didn’t waste my time trying to convince Clark that what he was doing was wrong. Instead, I made up some lame excuse and left the café to walk back to my parent’s apartment. I did however buy an extra loud dog whistle at the local flea market later that day. The next morning I again joined my father and when I saw Clark I snuck behind the drawn plastic rain shield and blew that thing as hard as I could. “Superman” indeed.

Comments

  1. qjuice14 qjuice14 is offline

    Posts: 3,997
    Joined: Aug 07

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 5:08pm)

    <p>You know, it is not exactly cheating if the opponents are betraying their own hands by verbally delcaring how strong they are.</p>
     
  2. stan4stl stan4stl is offline

    Salisbury, MD
    United States

    Posts: 196
    Joined: Feb 07

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 5:27pm) in reply to seal

    <p>How is that wrong?-sounds like a smart old man to me.I think his buddies are at fault for talking under their breath.....so if I say my hand out-loud you cant turn on your hearing aid to listen??-your kidding right???</p>
     
  3. yjbrewer yjbrewer is offline

    Rapid City, SD
    United States

    Posts: 3,930
    Joined: Jan 07

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 6:58pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Great read but it is not cheating at all.  Ask him where he bought his hearing aid.  I might buy one.  I need the edge!</p>
  4. theCtrain theCtrain is offline

    Calgary
    Canada

    Posts: 2
    Joined: May 06

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 7:22pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Mike Caro's Tell #57 ... </p>
     
  5. stnnine stnnine is offline

    Edmonton
    Canada

    Posts: 35
    Joined: Oct 06

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 7:31pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Turning up his personal hearing device is hardly a cheat. If I were to mumble something similar I would be my own worst enemy. Cheating. I say NOT!</p>
  6. the_snail03 the_snail03 is offline

    United Kingdom

    Posts: 4,001
    Joined: Sep 07

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 9:13pm) in reply to seal

    <p>u bought a dog whistle and blew it. wtf, u sound like some sort of weird bully. leave the poor man alone.</p>
     
  7. jeffboski jeffboski is offline

    Las Vegas, NV
    United States

    Posts: 1,586
    Joined: Dec 05

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 9:15pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Damn Seal why are you outing a well respected retirement home hustler?</p>
     
  8. seal seal is offline

    Posts: 2,786
    Joined: Jan 05

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 9:27pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Since by now I'm sure everyone knows my stories are not entirely true... I will tell you all the truth.</p>
    <p>A friend of mine recently came to me with the idea to buy a hearing aid even though he hears perfectly well and use it at the poker tables. I told him I thought it was wrong, but I was curious what others would think, so I wrote the story.</p>
    <p>Seems to me that the consensus is that it is not wrong at all. Anyone disagree?</p>
    Thread Starter
  9. crzysavage crzysavage is offline

    Burlingame, CA
    United States

    Posts: 3,597
    Joined: Mar 06

    May 15th, 2008 (5/15/2008 10:19pm) in reply to seal

    <p>SUPERMAN DAT HOE</p>
     
  10. hoorayforjaded hoorayforjaded is offline

    Blowing Rock, NC
    United States

    Posts: 690
    Joined: Aug 05

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 1:55am) in reply to seal

    <p>Yeah, Seal.  If I was writing this story, I think I'd make the old man the hero not the villan.  Sounds like a delightful old fart to me.  </p>
  11. tdk tdk is online now

    San Francisco, CA
    United States

    Posts: 2,876
    Joined: Nov 05

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 4:43am) in reply to seal

    <p>is it wrong if someone inadvertently shows me the hole cards?</p>
    <p>no, but if i tell them i can see it and they still do it... oh well?</p>
  12. Suicideking62 Suicideking62 is offline

    Brockton, MA
    United States

    Posts: 34
    Joined: Dec 06

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 9:12am) in reply to seal

    <p>Now poker players everywhere will be going out and buying hearing aids</p>
  13. NightPrince NightPrince is offline Disabled account

    Loughborough
    United Kingdom

    Posts: 90
    Joined: Nov 06

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 1:02pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Not cheating at all, if old idiots are going to speak about how strong their hand is, then fair game to Clark.  However, I see elements of fiction in this article - was the ending just for fun?  Or did you make the whole thing up?</p>
  14. NightPrince NightPrince is offline Disabled account

    Loughborough
    United Kingdom

    Posts: 90
    Joined: Nov 06

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 1:04pm) in reply to seal

    <p>Just read your comment seal, oops.  I don't think it's wrong at all, but I think in most games it wouldn't help much, except maybe to listen to people's breathing patterns and other such audible tells.</p>
  15. oHiSocietyo oHiSocietyo is offline

    Papillion, NE
    United States

    Posts: 20
    Joined: Jan 07

    May 16th, 2008 (5/16/2008 2:22pm) in reply to seal

    <p>An uneeded, and probably an irrellevant edge. If you are playing with donkeys that truly are talkers or mumblers, then you dont necessarily need to know what they are saying, its THAT that are saying something. Figure out when they mumble did they make the hand or break the hand....no need to invest 2k into a hearing aid.</p>
  16. PDI88 PDI88 is offline

    Posts: 72
    Joined: Jan 08

    May 20th, 2008 (5/20/2008 3:49pm) in reply to seal

    <p>I just dropped a boat load in Phonak Hearing Systems, Unitron Hearing and Widex Hearing Instruments.  You are a regular market maker!!!</p>
     2
  17. chipleiter chipleiter is offline

    Melbourne
    Australia

    Posts: 10
    Joined: Dec 07

    Jul 22nd, 2008 (7/22/2008 11:59pm) in reply to seal

    <p>You are a psycho David.</p>
 

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