I wish I had a lot to say about my poker game in March but frankly I didn't play that much. I was busy with school for most of the month, and although I did have a week off for spring break, I think i only played three of the 10 days i had off.

Sharkscope had me up $1345 in March but I definitely finished up a few hundred dollars more since I sold action for three packages that I bricked on. Anywho, low volume as you can see, and its something I'm hoping to reverse over the summer. I had five tables though three of them were quite small:

- 2nd FTP $55 25k for $4479.50
- 5th PS $27ko for $307.80
- 7th $22 12.5k for $604.16
- 2nd $55 500 cap for $2733.25
- 3rd $27.50 500 cap, big ante for $640.37

I'm still looking for that elusive first significant win of 2011. With my limited volume I've had a ton of final tables but the only victory ive sealed was in a small $27.50 capped tournament for $1755 way back in the first week of January. So far my 2011 final table results look like

1st
2nd 2nd 2nd 2nd
3rd 3rd 3rd
4th
5th 5th
7th 7th
8th 8th
9th 9th 9th

I've bricked the last handful of sessions so I'm on about a 5k downswing (though 60% of this action was bought by other people so really I'm down a lot less). Playing on my own has been an interesting experience so far and I'm still happy with my decision. After a bad session I might long to be backed since it hurts less to lose someone else's money, but in the long run I think this was the right choice. I havent had too much trouble dropping stakes during the weekdays. I used to play 109s and the 20r during the week, but these days I've cut out everything but the 75 superstack. Other than that tournament I've only been playing the 55s and 10r and below, mostly to get my feet under me. I dont want to face a large downswing right out of the gates so even though I have the bankroll for 75s and the 20r I'd rather just take it slow for now. On Sundays it has been harder to break my old habits so I have been selling action to all the $75+ and majors. I havent had a good Sunday in awhile which is completely common but still frustrating. Playing only once or twice a week isnt a good way to make money playing poker, and when half of your volume comes on Sundays youre going to have to embrace incredible swings. I think in the future I'm going to cut out some of the standard Sunday tourneys that I've been playing in the past, stuff like the FTP $109, Warmup, Brawl, etc. This way I can focus on the tournaments I have 100% of my action in and have a much bigger edge in. Its tough to not go after the glory of the big score, but I think I can hold off for now, at least until I can put in more volume.

Anyway, school is gearing up and the next few weeks are crunch time. I'm taking four classes and thankfully I don't have any final exams, rather just a paper/project for each class. That means at the very latest I'll be done with all of my school responsibilities on May 3rd. I can't jump the gun though, before May comes I have a few things to look forward to, including meeting the one and only Shanetrain22 who will be in the NYC area in mid-April as well as seeing Louis CK do standup at the Borgata with my girlfriend.

In terms of SCOOP, I definitely plan on playing a handful of the low and mid events. I'm really looking forward to the huge prizepools and fantastic structure. I'll probably sell a big package on 2+2 and hopefully get a big score for me and my investors.

At the end of May I'm going to go on vacation with my girlfriend but our plans are still up in the air. Right now we're thinking of going to Costa Rica but there is still a chance we hold off for a few months and go in August or over the winter holidays.

As for Las Vegas, I'll be there around the first week of June for 7-10 days. Once again I'm going to be selling action for a few live tournaments. Since I'm on my own dime this year I will probably skip the WSOP 1k and stick to the Venetian tournaments that range from $300-500. I have a house with a handful of good guys including Shanetrain, Fenway King, Mastap, Funnygut, JTJ, Sirswish, Grindtherail etc. Even though I'll only be there for a week it should be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to it. Last year I had a ball in Vegas and although I didnt do well, it was fun to be in that environment and be able to focus solely on grinding.

I think thats it for now.

Adam

written in early february:

January was my most consistent if not profitable month to date. Coming into the month, I had to goals in mind: get out of makeup, and become ranked in top 1000 players on Pocketfives. Because I was on winter break from school, I had three weeks to grind and achieve these goals. Well, its February 5th and I’m proud to say I have accomplished both goals. Although being ranked on P5s is sort of a silly, volume-based statistic, I’m still happy to be ranked 960th, although I’m sure this will dip in the near future as I have to resume my studies at school. Anyway, in January I made 11 final tables. Unfortunately, the only one I won was the smallest I was at, a $27.50 capped tournament for $1700. Nonetheless, I had some other decent scores, including a second place in the 20c for $7100 and third in the $75 ko for $4700. Also, I was in two team contests in January, both a low-stakes and mid-stakes one. Because all of my teammates were amazing (Roi Rogers & BIPODDDDD), I ended up on both victorious teams and that netted me around $4k more total!
Anyway, I ran well throughout the month, and fought through some final table bubbles halfway through where I was concerned I had missed my chance at a heater. Fortunately, despite these bubbles I managed to finish out the month strong and make a few more FTs. Don’t get me wrong, this was definitely a heater, but I still think I’ve adjusted my game pretty well in the last few months and have slowed down considerably, no longer trying to force myself to play as laggy as possible and run over the table just because I have chips. I’ve been trying to pick spots better and not just make moves because I can.

Finally, after getting out of makeup my backers and I decided to part ways. This was a mutual decision that we’d been leaning towards for awhile. For them, having a horse who could only play once or twice a week, mostly on Sundays (because of commitments to grad school), didn’t represent the best investment possible. Likewise, I grew tired of giving up half my profits, mostly earned from my bread & butter midstakes, just so I could take a few shots every Sunday at the higher buyins. So as of last week I am now playing on my own and giving it a shot. I’m going to drop down in stakes for a bit and probably max out at the $55s and $10rs for now, just so I can build some confidence even though I can afford to play higher stakes. I’ll be selling packages to more expensive tournaments/most Sundays to help fight the stress of higher buyins. So far I’ve done two packages and they were bought up fairly quickly, which is a good sign. My goal is to find some variance busters that will help me avoid the massive swings of huge field mtts. Thanks to the advice of Jalman, I’m going to try out capped tournaments, MTT SNGS, and grinding tons of satellites. We’ll see how it goes…

-------
Written this morning:

I didn’t play much in February and my results are indicative of that. I only put in 6 sessions, and overall finished down about $1500, though because I sold pieces of myself a few times, I think actually lost about $500 of my own money. When I don’t play and have time to think about my game I tend to get anxious about my situation. A few months ago when I was busy with school work, all I would think about was trying to get out of makeup and play on my own. Now that I’m on my own and being relatively dormant in a poker sense, I’m thinking about how desirable being backed looks like. The grass is always greener… I’ve been unbacked for probably 80% of my poker career, but the last 20% has been the most recent, so I’ve been viewing everything from a backed players perspective of late. Being forced to pass up good opportunities such as playing the Warmup, 163s, 30rs, and future COOP/FTOPS events doesnt sit well with me. Of course, I can and probably will sell action, but its never fun to sit on the bench and watch opportunities that you once had pass you by. I think I’ll get less anxious about the situation once I can put in more volume, since like I said, I’m my own worst enemy when I let my mind wander.
What results did I actually have in February? Hmm lets see, not much to write home about. 4th in a $27ko for $1400, 9th in the $26 35k, 10th in a small $25 on UB, and dual 11ths on the same day in the $17 superturbo KO and $26 superstack. Anywho, I should have some more time to play in March, since I have spring break during miniftops and my weekends are a little less busy than the last month.
—–
What was I doing in February when I wasnt playing? Celebrating Superbowl Sunday at my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn and Valentine’s Day with my wonderful girlfriend (we got each other tickets to see Louis C.K standup and a Citizen Cope concert). My girlfriend’s school friends from Boston also came to NYC so I hung out with them one weekend, and this past weekend a few of us went to the Poconos. I tried out skiing for the first time ever which was an interesting experience. My family was never into cold weather activities, so I somehow went 24 years without ever trying skiing, snowboarding, etc. The most I had done was sledding on a snow day in elementary school. Anyway, I was worried that because I had never done it before, my 1 hour lesson would leave me surrounded by a bunch of 6 year olds, but fortunately they put a bunch of n00bie adults together to try out the bunnie slope. After a quick lesson I went down the hill and quickly found myself going wayyyyy too fast and unable to stop. I was told the pizza method would work, but when youre going down hill on your first run ever it definitely does not. As I was careening down the hill with tons of little kids at the bottom I decided to abandon ship and fall on my ass to make sure I didnt kill anyone. It was scary but exhilarating and I got right back on the lift to give it a second shot. On my second run I once again picked up way too much speed and started losing control, unable to stop. I guess the ski instructor saw what was happening and bolted after me…he caught up and told me to cut all the way to the side so my skis would be facing the top of the mountain and it ended up working. After that I got the hang of it and made a few more runs before I met up with my other friends who were on the more advanced slopes. Overall I probably only did about 5-7 runs but for my first time I’d say that was enough. I could see myself skiing once or twice a winter but its hard to say if ill ever get hardcore into it.

i guess thats it for now, stay tuned for more :)

hey guys, its been awhile since ive written anything in this blog and i thought it was high time for an update. i was originally keeping quiet because ive really had nothing to report. the last few months have been the most trying in terms of my poker career. ive really just had final table bubble after final table bubble, and just when i think i cant possibly come up short again, i bubble again. its the nature of the game and i know things will turn around for me if i stick at it. im not going to do what i typically do, which is go over any deep runs ive had and show you how i busted them in an absurd fashion. in reality, what has happened over the last few months has no impact over where i am today or where ill be tomorrow. dwelling on the past only makes you bitter.

you can look up my recent scores through my profile and see what ive done. the only notable things outside of those aforementioned bubbles were 29th in the sunday DNG followed up by a 46th in the sunday million the next week. getting that deep in those two huge tournaments only to bust 10 hours in outside of any serious money stung a bit.

anywho, im sad to say that even after playing for the last 18 months or so on a semi regular basis, i have yet to find a way to keep my emotions in check. by emotions i dont mean tilt, which many people struggle with. i think im way past the conventional form of tilt. i very rarely will yell or hit my desk or anything. ill say 'come on' and shake my head if a bad beat comes, but usually i can let it go because i have other tables going that need my attention. the emotions im talking about are more "emo." after a long session that ends with disappointment ill wonder what im spending all this time for, knowing that 90% of the time ill walk away a loser. do i really want to continue pursuing something where breaking even is a good day? is it healthy to end the day either very disappointed or numb to it all? i dont think so

so thats what really bothers me the most. i know poker is all about the long run, and even with the amount i play now i might go months or years more before i truly see the results i think are appropriate for my skill level (aka i hate that i cant accept the game for what it is). even after all these months i still let it bother me when i have a really bad day. even today during a session i went from "ughhhh :(:(:( i cant believe ive spent 40 hours every week for the last 18 months for this shit" to "meh" to "weeee lets do this" in the matter of an hour. outside of poker i think im pretty emotionally stable, but during recent sessions i have been all over the place. i dont believe ive let this affect my game but its impossible to analyze oneself objectively.

fortunately i have the ability to separate poker from the rest of my life in terms of emotions. i dont let a bad session affect how i treat my family, my girlfriend, or my friends. it just is what it is. i move on. i wish i could maintain this zen mindset all the time when im playing, but its just not that easy.

one of the downsides of becoming so engrained into this poker culture is talking to new people. just looking at my AIM buddy list right now, i have 32 poker "friends" online. to be honest, i think most poker players in general are miserable people. that doesnt mean they are miserable humans, but just that theyre mostly unhappy. at least when it comes to mtt players, most of the time theyre going to be not seeing the results they want to see. lets look at the random statuses/away messages of people on my buddy list:

"self excluding myself from the WQM"
"Sick of running like oprah in heels"
"must be nice"

this is just 3 random ones and there are tons more of people complaining about how bad they run blah blah blah. mtt players are constantly looking for an ear to complain to. someone to vent to and receive a nice pat on the shoulder from along with encouraging words like "hey its ok, even if your results arent there i know youre good."

im tired of hearing these sad sack stories it from other people, and i hate the fact that im guilty of it. im going to try my hardest not to complain to my close group of poker friends about how bad things are going for me because it doesnt accomplish anything. i dont want to be "that guy." id rather be the guy who keeps his head down, his mouth shut, and his mind focused.

on another note, im starting grad school in a month and have just found a 1 bedroom apartment in hoboken that i will be moving to. the next phase of my life is starting and i know that for the next two years poker will be secondary. i'm really looking forward to it and know that i can put the same energy ive used towards growing as a poker player over the last year or two towards my schooling.

/rant