Its been forever since I updated this blog, but I really felt like I needed to write tonight. I'm gonna try to keep it short, otherwise I could be here for hours trying to find the perfect words for how I am feeling at this exact moment in time... The past six weeks really have tested me in many different ways, and for quite some time I was failing on most levels. Its crazy how we can just get slightly off track, and that small derailment puts us in a new direction that can easily start leading us in the wrong direction...

When I decided to leave my backer it initially took a little time to get re-focused on what I was trying to accomplish in poker. Some people might say that my biggest accomplishment in poker up to that point had been actually getting such a reputable backer, and to just abruptly leave out of the blue would just seem crazy. Especially when I wasn't exactly set up financially to continue playing at the stakes I was backed for. These people may have a valid point, but there were quite a few reasons I decided to make this change, and I did not come to the decision lightly. The bottom line is that there is always going to be some initial doubt and trepidation once such a big decision is made, and in my honest assessment of myself it affected me negatively for a little while...

I am very lucky to have a very strong support system in poker, and after a little while Andres reached out to me and we talked about why I was struggling. He convinced me to put in a ton more volume on UB playing smaller tournaments to book some profitable sessions and get some confidence back. Luckily I had the sense to listen to him and slowly I started to turn things around, primarily playing the 45 man turbos that run at 15 and 45 minutes past the hour. I was still without that elusive first big score back on my own, but I was gaining confidence again and I knew it was coming soon... And then in a flash my focus just collapsed right underneath me...

It was Friday night a few weeks ago and I was getting ready for a weekly session with my poker group. I had just a very enjoyable dinner with family and was just feeling great, better than I had felt in a long time. Minutes before the session was about to start I got a call from one of my best friends, and the news was really really bad. I don't want to go into too many details, but one of my best friends was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got into some serious trouble, and is likely going away for a very, very long time. It was devastating, we just aren't blessed with that many true close friends, and to see this happening to one of my closest and the damage that its going to do to his family sunk me into a bit of a depression. Needless to say the next few sessions I put in on the poker table were completely worthless, and last Wednesday night I finally decided it was time for an extended break until I could find the neccesary focus to get back on the right track. I haven't played since....

This last week really has been one of enlightenment for me... I rediscovered one of my passions, yoga, and after a few sessions I am seeing life more clearly than I have in a really long time. Its crazy how we just abandon things that we really love, and then once we get back into them we can't remember why we ever stopped. In all honesty it really doesn't matter why I stopped, all that matters is that I am back in the moment now, and I really believe this is a huge first step to getting me back on track to maintaining the focus that I need to be successful. As I get back to playing poker again tommorow, I do so with a renewed focus and completely different mindset. The only goal is to work on focus and staying in the moment, I truly believe everything else will build off of that...

Well, this ended up being long after all, but thats okay its been a while and I had a lot to say... I am going to make a genuine commitment to update more frequently to report on my spiritual journey and how it shapes me as poker player and a human being. Thanks to all those who continue to support me and believe in me and good luck to all my friends on their own journies...