OR SO THE CLICHE GOES.

SICK, I LEFT THE BORGATA THIS MORNING HEADING NORTH ON 95. I LOST TRACK OF DAYS, AS POKER PLAYERS OFTEN DO, AND WAS PLEASED REALIZING IT WAS A SATURDAY. THIS WOULD MEAN FAR LESS TRAFFIC THAN THE FRIDAY I SOMEHOW THOUGHT IT WAS. I WASNT CERATIN IF I WERE GOIN TO STOP AT MY BUDDY PETES IN CT. OR NOT AND WHEN I TEXTED ASKIN IF HE WANTED TO GRAB SOME FOOD HE SAID HE WAS FULL AS HE JUST ATE AND THAT HE WAS GOIN TO PUT IN A LONG SESSION AT FOXWOODS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, AND PROBABLY LONGER I HAD THE OVERWHELMING SENSATION OF...NOT WANTING TO PLAY POKER. MAYBE IT WAS BC I JUST SHIPPED THE BORGATA $500K, MAYBE, BECAUSE IM STILL COUGHIN UP ALIENS OUTTA MY THROAT I DONT KNOW. I CANT REMEMBER ACTUALLY NOT WANTING TO PLAY, THE ENTIRE IDEA OF BEING IN A CASINO REVOLTED ME....AND I CANT REMEMBER EVER HAVING THAT FEELING.

IT THEN BECAME OBVIOUS THAT I WAS HEADING TO MY FOLKS HOUSE. WHICH, IS ACTUALLY A MISNOMER OF SORTS, IT IS MY HOME AS WELL. THEY SAY YOU CANT GO HOME AGAIN, AND WELL, IM VERY FORTUNATE BECAUSE I CAN. ONE OF THE PREVILIGES OF BEING AN ONLY CHILD I SUPPOSE. MY ROOM IS EXACTLY HOW I'VE LEFT IT, EVERY TIME IVE LEFT AND CAME BACK SINCE MY 1ST YER OF COLLEGE, 1987, ABOUT A QUARTER CENTURY AGO.

FOR SURE THE ITEMS IN THE ROOM HAVE CHANGED, LONG GONE IS THE 14" BLACK + WHITE TV I HAD WHEN I WATCHED THE CELTICS DURING THE GLORIOUS 80'S, PUFFING MY MARLBOROS WHILE CHEERING BIRD,MCHALE AND AINGE. IN ITS PLACE A SLIGHTLY LARGER FLAT SCREEN. A PC DESK NOW IN THE SPOT WHERE MY BED WAS, IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW THAT I CLIMBED OUTTA + DOWN TEH CHIMNEY WHEN I WAS 13 TO EXPLORE THE SUMMER NITE, BEFORE I REALIZED I COULD JUST USE THE BACKDOOR.

I THINK BACK TO SIMPLER TIMES AS NOW, NER DEATH SEEMS TO BE THE TIME OF REFLECTION.

I WALKED IN THE FRONT DOOR, THE SMELL OF MOM MAKIN DINNER HIT ME IMMEDIATELY. I GAVE MY POPS A HUG AND CARRIED IN SOME STUFF. HE HELPED AS, THATS JUST THE SORTA GUY HE IS. I WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN AND GAVE MY MM A HUG. SHE WAS WEARING A "BUST A PRO" FTP SHIRT, THE ONLY ONE I HVNT AUCTIONED OFF. I FELT A TWINGE OF PRIIDE.

I COULDNT GO STRAIGHT AWAY TO SEE MY GRAMMY. LOTTA MEMORIES AS SHE NOW IS IN THE ROOM MY BABCHI HAD, PRIOR TO HER PASSING. I MADE THAT WALK TO VISIT WITH HER TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT. I PUT AWAY SOME STUFF, TOOK A DUMP, PUT AWAY SOME MORE STUFF AND ASKED FOR STRENGTH, SHE LOOKED SO SIK! I REACHED FOR HER HANDS SHE AND LIT UP LIKE AN ANGEL. AND I REMEBER BACK TO THE LAST TIME I VISITED HER, BECAUSE THE WAS THE LAST TIME SOMEONE HAS BEEN THAT HAPPY TO SEE ME. AND AS I LEFT THE ROOM THE EMPTINESS ENGULFED ME.....IM GONNA MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH GRAMMY SO FUCKKKKKKKKKIN MUCH!!!

I LOVE YOU GRAMMY..............