I do intend on comping back to my thoughts on going pro article but at the moment I'm just not in the poker mindset. That particular blog post was intended for my own benefit more than anything and since no one seems to be chomping at the bit to hear my second installment so I'm in no rush to write it while i'm not in the right frame of mind. I have a lot of non-poker irl things to do as well which sucks!

My mindset has never really been jolted so badly. I've been losing and my confidence and volume is way down as a result. I've been trying to convince myself that the grind to going pro that I had planned out in my head doesn't seem worth it now that the girl I was hoping to build a comfortable future for left me a couple of months ago. I'm sure the truth is that losing in the way I have been just sucks bad. I do miss her a lot though.

It's a really odd place I find myself in. I actually just had my most profitable month ever, my second four figure month. But it was all down to one big score in a satellite (for which I have just requested to take 90% cash value) and the general trend otherwise was downwards. If you had told me at the start of November that I would leave having made >$1000 profit I would have been absolutely stoked but actually because I know how badly I've been playing and that the one score I made (in a tourney, I don't play those too much) it's really demoralising.

I'm trying to find my way through it and when my non-poker life calms down maybe I'll hit the grind refreshed and blow it away. Here's hoping.