I mean. Things have been insane lately. My life is like... geez.

It's nearing 4am here in Las Vegas right now. I'm sitting up in my apartment sleepless. I'm expected to be awake at like 9:30 tomorrow morning, gotta go reg and then crush the ladies event at Rio or such things. I could so dig winning tho.

Things are pretty nuts on my side of town right now. I mean, we've had some great fun so far, but it's a mixed variety. I haven't had a real social life in quite awhile, so this time of year is always expected to be a blast. Some doors in my life are closing, others are opening.

In regards to the big picture tho, things are great right now. I honestly couldn't be happier with how things have been going. I mean I could be happier if like.. aces held late or if I had a boyfriend but whatever, I guess I'm over that anyway. I'm feeling tons more confident about my game lately and am so happy that I've gotten myself to this point. I worked hard at networking, trying to study... and despite my lack of a massive score yet, I'm feeling like there is no way I won't win something heaps soon. It's nice gaining confidence in my game, especially since this is what I do for a living.

I have some mixed feelings on wsop. Everyone is like so excited to play.. but I hate spending money so for me it's almost painful, despite knowing how insanely plus EV those tournies are. But w/e. I'm planning on playing ladies tomorrow if I dont oversleep, and bunches of 1.5ks...with the possibility of some ventians mixed in between.

I'm excited to see what comes of this month.

yeek!

kay w/e. over this blog now. bed. gn. <3

It's easy to become apathetic towards poker as a lower mid-stakes mtt grinder. As if
it wasn't bad enough to have those mornings when you wake up feeling out of shape;
but truly saddening when it becomes a habitual feeling you allow yourself to wallow in.

Becoming a poker zombie is one thing, but at the very least it is financially productive/proactive/profitable. Sadly, it's all to easy to allow yourself to slip into horrible forces of habit in other areas of your life as well. Eating wrong, sleeping bad, not being social, etc. It's important that we remind ourselves that while grinding can seem somewhat robotic at times, that we really must make that extra time to take care of ourselves so not to become a total waste of life.

Only recently did I have the awakening that I could be doing so much more with myself than what I've allowed myself to do this past year of grinding it out. Yes, I'm getting by fine, and living in Vegas, and am happy. But for too long, I've allowed poker to totally take over, and suck out the real essence of "what I live for."

I don't live for poker. I play poker as a means to live. While poker is my favorite hobby, past-time etc, I excite myself at the idea of so many other ventures I hope to take on in my lifetime. In order to keep my head level on the daily, I must do other things that remind me to continue to strive for something beyond... to remember that there is some further motivation, and some bigger picture left for me to color in.

Working out will just help me feel good, not negative. Networking will allow me to market myself more effectively. And while my life may have been rather quiet and stagnant this year, I expect it to be full of motion and growth this year as I begin to implement said changes into my routine.

I know I could be huge if I just put myself to it, and did all the stuff I know I'm capable of doing; and without certain people in my life whom I have to motivate me, what direction would I have? Without watching others prosper, than how do we ourselves know what we should aspire to achieve? We need guidelines, structure, and a willing and open attitude to push ourselves to "being something more tomorrow than we were today." I value the influences that I have in my life, and am grateful for my recent inspirations.

Hopefully looking forward to a sick 2009.
Wish me luck!