Hello Fellow Rounders: Let see what I got for you:

1) Online Poker (PokerStars): I made a $40 re-buy last month after yet another bankroll bustout ("ReBuy ASSKLOWN," sez 'Stars). Now a Re-Buy is something I don't take lightly. I have to assess the question, "What was it about my play that caused me to lose a bankroll that was once as high as $250?" Aside from bankroll management, I looked at all facets of my pis-poor play and deduced the following:

• The approach of playing Top-10% hands and TAG might have worked in 2007, but is simply not viable in the turbocharged world of today's poker. It's tough to sit around and wai for preemies while chips are flying to and fro. You will get pocket Aces every 210 hands, but by hand 210, I am probably so shortstacked, I'm gonna get 5 callers out to "flyswat" me.
• My reluctance to Steal and defend blinds is not working. Now I have also tried to stealing approach, but seemd to either get 3-betted for all my chips or flatted by a concealed nuclear weapon. In other words, my early round steal would result in a loss of a third of my stack and late-round steal was met with All-In with me as the dog. But I am now committed to stealing, especially when I am not clearly the chip leader. If I pick them up, great. If I get knocked out by a bad-timed steal, it wasn't my day anyway.
• Position, adjusting play based on stack levels, and reading players are always good strategy. But tracking a player play rag after rag does not preclude the possibility that when you make your move with AQs, he's holding the rockets.

So how's my new strategy panning out. At first, quite well. I scored a win on a $2.20 180-S&G and crested to $180. But now, I'm down to about $90 (Had I not scored that win, 'Stars would be telling me, "ReBuy ASSKLOWN."). I have lost about 6 S&G's in a row including a catastrophic bubble in a $4.40 180-S&G where my pocket Kings lost to Acey-Duecy to the chipleader. PokerStars is simply tough to win with any strategy (or even no strategy at all).

2) Absolute Poker: Against better judgement, actually did a ReBuy for $50. Had a nice run for a while (5 cashes in a row). But when I changed my avatar to an image of my heroine, Lisbeth Salander (girl with Dragon Tatoo), I lost profusely. Still +6.00 in the profit category.

3) Live: No live events since 1 SEP. But I am going to California next week and plan to play one or two midnight tournaments at Bay 101. They moved them from 12:40 AM to 11:00. So I might get some sleep if I bust out early.

Well I just blew my last 6 bucks on Absolute Poker. It was a single table S&G. The usual outcome: no momentum and at the 75/150 level, I shove my last 1150 chips with QJo into Pocket Aces and it's -- BOOM!! Outta Here!!!

My $100 outlay in Absolute Poker was lame and fruitless. Per the Sharkscope (with my "stellar" PokerStars results in comparison.:

UsernameGames PlayedAv. ProfitAv. StakeAv. ROITotal ProfitFormAbility /100NetworkFilterSILVERSCULLS 47-$2 $4 -28%-$98 -50Cereus
viejas46 1,831$0 $5 -5%-$515 -56PokerStars

Average Profit is like the slope of a line. My slope on Stars is -0.3. On Absolute, it's -2.1. That's like a rock going off a cliff. And the results showed. No cashes over $10. Losing streaks as long as 8 in a row. I ain't going back to that site anytime soon.

So inspired by this losing, I came up with a Top-10 List entitled "Ten other names for Absolute Poker"

10. Crapsolute Poker
9. Absolute Poker corrupts absolutely
8. You can't be Cereus
7. That site that was featured on 60 Minutes for being fixed and rigged.
6. Bad Beats 'r us
5. Villain Wins
4. Absolute Waste of Time and Money
3. Three-card Monte
2. Rip-off
1. Got another $100 bucks to blow.

Just lost two S&Gs this morning. One on the very first h and when I made a perfect read of a shove with my AJs. Villain had KQ and spiked 2 Kings. Then at the final table of an 18-player S&G, I shove my pocket jacks pre-flop and am off to the races against a raiser with AQ (again a good read). Of course he gets an Ace on the river.

Seeing other blogs and comments makes me wonder why we play poker at all. I mean, why do I study hands and evaluate hand win percentages to the 1/100th of a percent, when I lose a statistically significant number of All-In encounters where I am the statistical favorite. It's like some MIT student trying to figure a mathematical strategy to beat some rigged Carny game. I've been losing for years, except now I am a better player and I am usual ahead for all my chips but I always watch 'Stars drag my chips to some dooshbag villain who pushed 74o against my Pocket Kings and flopped 774. And all 'Stars has to say is "REBUY ASSKLOWN."

My new goals for online poker are modest at best. All I want to do is spend a few bucks to practice and experiment, without losing my ass. I don't want to keep reloading money every month like I've been doing for years, only to see that maybe $31 left in my bankroll after a year and about $600 worth of reloads. I know longer have any expectations or illusions that I will make a big online score. It ain't happening!!!! I just want money to play LIVE. LIVE poker is the only true poker. I win LIVE events. I lose ALL ONLINE events. ONLINE poker is bogus poker. I will not be a rebuying ASSKLOWN. Come this spring, I will have $1000 in my cookie jar and make it to Vegas and compete in a WSOP event.