Waddup interwebs...

This is basically the first time I've written a blog since I was a teenager... and at the time, I was most likely was full of angst and took myself a bit too seriously so they were likely super frustrating to read or maybe even bit comical (for the wrong reasons).......

I've always wanted to start a blog, but since i'm a chronic and basically lack motivation or initiative to start anything right away, I have to wait until these ideas simmer in my mind ... sometimes it takes me a couple minutes...like going to take a piss when i'm blazed on my couch...and sometimes it takes me a decade... like getting my degree.. Ahaha.

Okay, but to be fair, the 9 years i spent getting my degree weren't entirely wasted--in fact, i think the times i spent out of school were far more valuable to me in my life than the times I was in school. For one, I learned how to play poker, and 9 years of school MIGHT get you a salary as much as I make a year betting sports and playing poker, but I feel confident to put my yearly income against most recent law school or med school graduates, and there's more potential where I'm at.. I also met my wife while being a dropout. Pretty safe to say the two most important things in my life right now are things I discovered outside of school.

When people roll their eyes, or disapprove of the way I make money, I now deal with it the same way I've dealt with all ignorant behaviour in the past...Like racism for instance.. At first it made me angry, and then it made me sad.. Sometimes I would try to educate.. But now, I'm at a point in my life where racism only reaffirms my intellectual superiority over someone. My emotions always vary from dismissive to pity, but one fact remains the same--it never ever makes me feel bad for myself anymore, only for them.

I think poker has become the same for me, but only recently. At first, it made me angry--a bit because I thought it WAS viable form of income but could not prove it with my OWN results, then it made me sad--that people close to me would never accept my job as legitimate, and now i'm at the point where I've made so much money doing this I no longer have to prove to myself that gambling IS a viable form of income; and oddly enough, the desire to prove this to others has also completely diminished.. Don't get me wrong, I still want more than anything for my parents to be proud of me, but i've mentally internalized it as a difference in generation.. that they will never understand.. and as for anyone else, including my friends.. pity or apathy is all I have left...because i'm all out of angst!

The problem with gambling is that we have to use the same devices to make money as degenerates and addicts use to lose theirs. The world of drugs is completely different. Drug dealers and drug addicts perform different actions and activities. In the world of gambling, the lines are far more blurry--we all use the same medium. Seeing and understanding the difference between a winning gambler and a losing one requires you to know how to win in the first place. Everyone else is just taking your word for it.