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February 2009 - Posts

• Divine Intervention From The Two Jacks in the Hole

  By dtools22 - Feb 26 2009, 08:20 PM

  Ok, I'm going to try to hit this one off at the pass.  The blog's title has nothing to do with the fact that I saw Jesus.  It's a joke.  Now with that out of the way...It occurs to me in my last blog post I made a glaring omission and I believe an apology is in order.  Last time I was talking about things I do in my free time away from the grind of low limit poker and I completely forgot to mention one of my personal favorites.  When taking a break and just looking for some laughs I love to listen to the Two Jacks In The Hole podcast on www.pokerroad.com. For those of you who are not privy to the comedic genius that is the Two Jacks radio program, I highly recommend you check them out.  Scott Huff and Joe Stapleton host a show that is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever heard on the web.  I was listening to this week's episode and Huff was talking about how he vanity googles his own show just to see what comes up.  He then starts talking about how he found some blogs that trashed the show for some obscure reasons and how those bloggers basically disappeared off of the face of the earth.  It seems the key to success would be to rave about these guys so I have assumed the position, put on the nose condom, and am ready to brown it up.  Scott if you see this, I love the show and I would appreciate a plug next Wednesday . All joking aside these guys are fantastic for a laugh.  The show is an assortment of what can only be described as a mix of comedic elements blended together with news stories and play along games that will leave you laughing harder than when you crack AA with 76o.  I’m not the only one who thinks this either.  If you check them out on the iTunes music store the actual review opens with the line, “At Worst, the Best Podcast Ever”. The other stuff on www.pokerroad.com is very funny too.  From Poker Road Radio to The Poker Beat and yes even a cash game show called Cash Plays; they have a whole treasure trove of shows that I typically listen to during a normal session.  However they are all just as funny when not at the tables I assure you.  So if you’re sick of taking the worst of it, or just sick of writing that history paper, www.pokerroad.com is a fantastic way to procrastinate. 2 Comments on this post. Click here to post a comment.




• Free Time

  By dtools22 - Feb 23 2009, 01:30 PM

  We all play poker for two reasons: 1) Poker is a great way to spend some time and have fun, 2) Poker is a great way to make money.  But every once in a while it's good to take a break from the daily grind and goof around doing something else.  MTTs, SNGs, cash games, and yes even those flipaments can become ulcer inducing if you don't take a break and appreciate the finer things in life.  I thought as a change of pace it might be a good idea to talk about the other side of the grind.  Here are some of the great ways I have found over the years to help you relax after some long sessions. Video games - Ok if this is honestly news to you then you REALLY need some time off.  Video games are the perfect solution to your grinding woes.  For Christmas I got an Xbox 360 Elite and I could not be happier.  I just like to troll around on the NEX network and see what videos I can find (The Guild under the independent section would be one I highly recommend, be sure to watch season one first though), play some of the community games (Geometery Wars is a must), and message friends about how bad they suck at different games.  My go-to games are typically Madden and Guitar Hero.  Halo and CoD fucking tilt me even worse so I would not recommend those for relaxation purposes.  I also have a Wii (my little brother got is but it's set up in my room at home) and Tiger Woods PGA Tour is an automatic for me along with Super Smash Bros Brawl. Movies - There have been a lot of great movies that have come out recently as well as some more classic picks that I have not seen.  The best part about movies is you can go to the theater, rent them, check out what's On Demand from your cable company, meet up with people and have a party, or just chill by yourself with a beer and some chips.  Going to a theater by yourself is fine I would think, but I would really only recommend that if at some point you plan on whipping it out and spanking the salami in the theater (good ole Pee-wee Herman taught us that one).  Otherwise, take the lady or the guys out for the night, buys you brownie points later. Beat the meat - That last one segways nicely to my next point.  Whatever you call it (choking the chicken, the 5 kunckle shuffle, waisting babies, cleaning the pipes, firing a pump action single barrel yougurt launcher, an epileptic handshake, etc...) this is a quick way to releave some stress.  Not really something that can be done all night as a break though, after 4 or 5 you just start shooting off dust anyway.  Starts to hurt at that point too. Drink - Simply just stop taking shots at the tables and start doing shots in the kitchen.  Call up some buddies, buy a bottle of your favorite hard beverage and play some drinking games.  I can't guaruntee you'll remember how much fun you're having, but it has to be more fun than watching AA get cracked for the 5th time during a session.* *NOTE - Guys, this is a far better idea if you have only guys at the party.  Otherwise you run the risk of any of the following happening: trying to hit on someone's gf, coming off like a total jackass to a chick you may have otherwise had a shot with, getting with a a chick twice your size, all of which are VERY -EV plays. Weed - Not one I have ever attempted but I can safely say I have never in my life met an angry pot smoker.  I'm not advocating illegal activity here.  This is one step where I draw the line, but it's no longer a felony in the US plus there are many other contries represented on this site where weed is perfectly legal so if you are one of the lucky ones then light one up for me.  Get a few friends over and go to town like Michael Phelps.  Hell if it's good enough for him, it must be unAmerican to not smoke weed.** **See above note for suggestions on how to avoid -EV plays while high. I hope we all learned something here today.  Feel free to use any of these tips in your quest for relaxation from your grinding woes.  Best of luck at the tables and remember, the family cat is not a football.  Just say no to animal cruelty and say yes to Jack Daniel's. 6 Comments on this post. Click here to post a comment.




• Near Death Experience

  By dtools22 - Feb 19 2009, 04:23 PM

  Well…this blog was almost abruptly ended at Foxwoods on my last trip.  Now typically I’m someone who likes to talk to people, be social, joke around, and just in general enjoy myself while I drag down the occasional pot.  On this trip I really didn’t talk much at all, just put my headphones on and went to work.  But the perfect storm came up at the table and nearly got me on the fast track to a pretty crap-tastic session. This was a few hours into my session and some new players were now at the table.  Our resident nut job at the table raised it to $11 from MP and the button went along.  In the SB I looked down at 8d7d and thought this might be a good spot to try and smash this guy.  I elect to call, and no sooner do I put my money in than the BB shoves for $130 total.  At this point I’m just feeling pretty stupid, this guy is going to get $11 out of me and I’m not even getting a flop out of it.  I start hoping that our maniac friend at the table will call so I can just insta muck my hand with some respectability. Sure enough, after tanking for about a minute, when I need the guy to go crazy the most, he mucks his hand.  I start going through the ritual of pretending to ponder a call.  You know the routine, fake counting the pot while you think to yourself, “WHAT THE FUCK I REALLY WANTED TO SEE A FLOP.  GOD DAMN IT I WISH I COULD JUST WHIPE THOSE CHIPS ON MY NUTS BEFORE I GIVE THEM TO HIM, JUST TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION…”, checking your cards, looking blanking out into space as though deep in thought, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”. Well I finish my routine and go to muck my hand.  Just as I release my cards I get kicked repeatedly under the table by the BB.  I look over as I muck and he mouths to me, “HE’S FOLDING”.  Oh shit…the guy on the button had yet to release his hand.  I try my best to take my hand back and pretend that I just had a twitch and I had involuntarily folded…no Oscar in my future for that one as the button made the call.  I muck and the BB turns AK vs. the button’s 33.  A spikes and the BB wins the hand.  He then goes and takes a walk around the poker room.  It was then that I got a sight of him. This guy stands at about 6’2”, probably around 235-245lbs.  I stand at around 5’9” and about 195-200lbs.  Now I’m in good shape, but I’m so caught off by this whole scenario that were he to lunge at me I would probably just freeze up like a deer awaiting a Hummer to crush it.  I was more confused than a 12 year old hermaphrodite about his/her sexuality about the whole thing so had he come at me, there would be no more blog.  For the rest of the night when he came back he and I started talking to each other.  I think he was in good spirits since he doubled up because of my Paris Hilton like idiocy and forgot that the button still had a hand. Bottom line boys and girls, be sure to pay attention at the tables.  You never know when but it could save your life someday.  Remember, knowledge is power… 14 Comments on this post. Click here to post a comment.




• People I pity

  By dtools22 - Feb 16 2009, 12:22 PM

  I'm sure everyone is familiar with the term "slowrolling".  If for some reason you have not yet experienced this orgasmic pleasure here's a quick definition: Slowrolling is when you have the nuts on the board, your opponent goes all in, you timebank before calling and show him he's drawing dead.  Personally I hate it.  I think it's like kicking someone in the nuts during a fight, very effective and potentially hysterical but just bad form and kinda cowardly.  For those of you that do slowroll, you now have my opinion on it, but one thing I'm sure we can agree on is that there comes a point where slowrolling just makes you look like a tool. I have a very specific story about this and it's happened a few times to me in the past.  I was recently doing my daily grind playing in a $2.25 180 man SNG on FTP...let me repeat that for those of you skimming through this post.  I was playing in a $2.25 180 man SNG, that's important to note.  I was short stacked after taking the bad end of KK vs AT (obv A on the turn) so I'm really just looking to catch a hand to shove with.  Well it folds around to me and I look down at A4o on the button.  I have definately made plays from this position with worse hands so I just open shove.  SB insta mucks and the BB starts to think.  His regular time starts to tick down right when he types in the chatbox "Sweet".  At this point I've removed my roomate's puppy from the room as a safety precaution.  Sure enough the BB waits until the ticker reaches one before calling with JJ. Ok so let's see, not only did this guy slowroll me, but he did it with a hand that is far from the nuts, started typing in the chatbox, and we're playing in a SNG with a buy in that's only worth two McDoubles at McDonald's.  Like I said I don't like slowrolling so I don't do it much, but if it were me and I were trying to slowroll, I might pick a spot where the guy is likely to have less than a 30% chance of beating me.  I saw his hand and immediately felt bad for the guy.  It was like watching any of the Saw movies when the victims think they have won the game and then suddenly, BAM, someone is suddenly headless on screen.  Buddy, it's $2.25, you have absolutely no chance at getting me pissed off about losing two KFC snakers in a SNG. The most epic slowroll failure I've ever seen was in a 45man SNG on FTP.  I was just messing around a bit, killing some time in between classes.  Long story short I had KK on a 944 6 2 board with no flushes out there.  Pot was about 6000 and I had 1100 left in my stack.  I just shoved the rest of my chips in and the villan tanks. His timebank goes down to 3 seconds left before he finally makes the call and shows 44 for quads...anyone want to take a guess what the buy in was?  Nothing, it was free, IT WAS FREE, FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.  Holy shit I have never laughed harder in my life.  Why?  Why bother?  What did you just get out of it?  I lost nothing.  Oh wait sorry, let me correct that one.  I LOST FTP POINTS.  Dear God...I must go kill myself now as a sacrafice to the god of variance to appease him for whatever sins I cause to bring this unspeakable horror upon myself. People, if you are going to slowroll my thought is it's probably supposed to hurt the victim a bit right?  So why in God's name would you slowroll in a SNG that is worth less than a Mexican foodstamp?  I don't get it, but then again I don't slowroll so maybe that's just it.  Congrats dude, you pwned me outa two bucks.  Enjoy your Frosty from Wendy's , it's on me. 8 Comments on this post. Click here to post a comment.