Well, this past week was probably one of the worst for me in a few years. Poker wise just hit some rough spots. I managed to have a few really crappy cash game sessions, dragging myself down around $460. The tournament this weekend didn't go as I was hoping. I made a mistake that cost me about 1/3 of my stack then got it in the next hand JJ v AA and went from an above average stack to out the door. These things happen though and part of playing this game is learning how and when to roll with the punches, but I was smashed in the face by something I just never saw coming. My girlfriend of 5 years, someone who I was openly talking about marrying in the next year or so, called me over the phone and told me she did not want to live with a poker player and ended our relationship.
Before you read any further I will warn you, this is going to be a sob story blog and I'm really depressed so levity should not be expected. This has been a conflict for a few years now. I've been trying to become a professional poker player since I was 16 years old. Even further back than that I was playing cards on the kitchen table with my mother just passing time as she did with her sisters when she was growing up. I met my now ex-girlfriend in highschool. We were in a ton of the same classes together and eventually started going out during Junior year. In a somewhat embarassing admission, she is as of this blog post the only woman I've ever slept with (had to throw you guys at least one bone here). We had been going out pretty steadily since then, with some troubles freshman year of college but we ended up back together sortly there after. She has been around to see my struggles playing cards, to see me grinding $2.25 SNGs and flipping out over bad beats. I've grown up a lot since then but my poker ambitions have only grown since our relationship began. I've been studying the game, logging the hours, asking for poker books for Christmas, everything you could imagine.
She has been around for all of that, but only until recently there was no serious consideration to turning pro. I was not able to even pay rent on a regular basis during this time period so earning a living was simply not possible. Then came the big score, chooping the $400NLHE HU for $50,272. She was stunned and thrilled to hear the news. I drove back to Boston to see her and we went out with some friends to celebrate. I was on cloud nine, it was everything I wanted. I could now graduate, live with my girlfriend, play poker both online and live, and "live happily ever after." Ok so I may be going a little overboard but I felt absolutely invincible. A week later she brought up the question about job searching and I said I had no intention to. We started to fight on and off about this over the next few weeks culminating when we were out to dinner.
I brought up the idea of wanting to buy a condo rather than rent an apartment to my ex before and her sentiment was, "I'm not buying property with you unless we get married." That wasn't a deal breaker for me. I know I'm only 22 but I'm very confident in what I want, and I knew I wanted to be with her. To me the condo was only an investment to be made, not a lock down future home. I just wanted to buy a place so that when I'm done making payments I own the property, investing rather than renting was how I looked at it. Flash forward to that night at dinner I brought up the idea of my buying the place and having roommates, looking back wasn't that well thought out but I didn't mean anything by this. She said, "You'd rather get roommates than just man up." I understand her point but again it's not what I meant. My responce was, "I have no problem manning up, but you have to understand that I'm a poker player and that 5 years down the line there can't be an ultimatum where you tell me I need to stop playing poker or you'll leave me."
I made that statement with a very specific scenario in mind. I was thinking that if I am successful and I win several hundreds of thousands I don't want to be put into a shitty spot where my now wife says I have to quit or we would get a divorce and suddenly 1/2 of my winnings are gone along with my house and custody of any children at that point. Apparently that statement stuck with her and on Friday this past week I got a phone call saying she couldn't be with a poker player and that it was over. After 5 years of being with this woman, all the effort and sacrafice, I was dumped over the phone because I won $50K.
I've spent the past couple of nights drinking and buying random people drinks at bars. This is a new low point for me personally since my grandparents passed away in 2007. I know a lot of you are thinking something along the lines of, "She's not worth it man, she doesn't accept who you are and that's not going to change. Better it happens now than later." While sound logic, that doesn't offer much consolation. I always thought that once I proved her wrong, everything else would just fall back into place but sadly it just doesn't work like that. I was hit completely by surprise here and it hurts, badly. That being said there's nothing left to do accept keep moving forward and working on my new list of poker goals. I can't change her mind, but I can certainly prove to her and everyone else that doesn't believe in me that I can and will do this. When I'm on ESPN, Leno, Letterman, hell even Larry King Live (I know I'm reaching here) they'll all know how big a mistake they made to doubt me. They should have stuck by me and given me the chance. Nothing left to do now but put my head down and move on. This will get worse before it gets better, but I'll do what I have to to move on.