First of all I want to thank everyone for all the comments and messages I've been getting over the past week. A bunch of people gave me some really good advice and put things in perspective for me and I really appreciate the time you took to reach out and give your two cents. I've had a lot of time to think over the past week to think about my life and the direction it's going in. I can't say at all that I've come up with any real solutions. For the most part the only thing that makes sense to me was to just reconnect with some friends and work on keeping my spirits up. My time away from the game to think has only made me want to play even more, to get back on the saddle and work on becoming a better player, to push myself towards reaching my dream. My personal life may not be in order yet, but my resolve has returned and for now that's all that matters.
Realistically winning $50K is nice but it proves very little about what my realistic earning power is. A one time win is not something that I can totally rely upon in the future when it does come time to start a family of my own. Total this year I have another $6K in earnings from the low stakes MTTs and cash games that I have been playing since January 1st. Now that I have the BR to play more in the mid stakes levels I want to see what my earning power really can be. My new goal is a simple one: find out how long it takes and how realistic it is to earn $100K.
I don't really have a specific time period for this goal. It would be easy to say I should be trying complete this task over a year, thus proving that I can win 6-figures annually playing poker, but it's a bit more complicated than that. How much of that 6-figure haul is going into my poker BR? How much am I going to have to pay in taxes? How much of my student loans will I pay off with that money? The list of needs for money is endless, as I'm sure everyone has already been alive long enough to learn. Therefore I think there can really be only one true barometer, I want to put away $100K into savings.
Before everyone flips out at how unrealistic this is let me say this, I don't expect to finish this goal anytime soon. I like to subscribe to the addage, "With each check you get, pay yourself first." meaning you need to save before you spend. It is a much easier task to save first and spend the rest than it is to spend first and keep enough in your pocket to put into the bank. I think also this is the best way to prove myself to anyone in my life that challenges what I do for a living. Putting this money away show I am serious about this for the long haul, that I am not just some kid chasing a dream. There is a plan in place and I am sticking to it.
I'm excited to get my ass back on the tables. One thing this week has taugh me is that who I am has changed a bit over these past 4 years here at WPI. All I can do is embrace it and try to do the best I can. If I fail then at least I can say I tried. If I succeed, then I'll be living the dream I've had since I was 16. Either way I will get some closure and I'll be able to move forward with my life.