Hi all,

I haven't posted or even logged on in a while, and this may end up being an unusual post, but I think it belongs in PC.

I want to talk about some things I've learned in the two months since I last played poker. I do not want to come across as preachy or finger-wagging; the only person I mean to criticize is me. If you can sympathize and take something away, great. If not, that's fine too.

In the almost two years that I was playing online poker full time, I was better off financially than I'd been at any time previous in my brief life (not that impressive in itself.) I was able to do a little travelling for the first time, treat friends when I wanted to, never had to worry about rent, food, entertainment, etc.

The problem was, with my most basic concerns taken care of, I semi-consciously had decided I could quit growing up, to quit improving, to quit wondering what kind of man I wanted to be and what life I wanted to live. After all, I was sleeping well and eating well: why add undue stress?

It has only been in the last two months, in the absence of poker and a somewhat stable immediate future, that I realized what this was costing me: I was regressing, growing more immature. I had become more selfish, more self-congratulating, more materially possessed - not the type of person I wanted to be, let alone the type I expected loved ones to want to be around.

I don't mean to overstate anything: no disaster struck, my friends and family have always been supportive, and nothing is ruined. But I was blind to what they could see happening slowly, that I was sacrificing a great deal of what mattered to me. I was forgetting a great and terrible truth that I'd forgotten and, at the risk of sounding preachy, I'll claim to have rediscovered: the freedom to serve one's self is no kind of freedom at all.

Don't misunderstand me: I'm not talking about communism or a utopia or whatever else. Man needs a degree of selfishness; if he won't feed himself he can't count on someone else to do it for him. But this need to fill one's own desires has to be balanced with the need to be a worthwhile and contributing part of a community, a sentiment easily lost in the world we live in, especially poker players, whose livelihood is based on a kind of selfishness.

I don't mean to suggest that all poker players are selfish or inconsiderate. On the contrary, I was only driven to post this on P5s because I know that there were many who had already learned this lesson, people who were able even in the face of the worst beats to simply be grateful for their lot in life, people who understood that this is only a game and not an excuse to be a miserable self-obsessed jackass. It took losing poker for me to learn these lessons, and as I look back on myself in the last couple of years, I feel some shame. I certainly don't regret my poker career: I had the funnest two years of my life, met dozens of great people who I hope to be friends with for years to come, with or without poker, and learned a lot about myself and the world around me. But the way I let myself behave when I took a beat said everything about who I was, whether I wanted to believe it or not. I threw tantrums like a child, and somehow convinced myself that, because we were playing an adult game with adult rules and real money etc etc, they were not a sign of immaturity. For anyone reading who ever had to be the target of my childish, petty bullshit, or friends reading this that had to put up with this nonsense: I am genuinely sorry. I wish I could have understood then how absurd and destructive my attitude was.

I should wrap up, for fear of this getting too long and losing all punch. I hope this is helpful in some way, I think writing it has been for me.

Thanks for reading.

We learn a lot about ourselves when we lose things we value. Thanks for sharing this. Something tells me you're gonna do just fine in this life. GL.

MMM Biggest POS ever!!!!!!!!!..nice post FUNNY GUT. ALways enjoyed battling with u on tables

nice post, Z... just wish you were here so we could make out

good post funnygut.

 

Originally Posted by MakeMeMaster

Ahh good old MMM trolling hard on P5. Your posts make me laugh =D

i sort of missed the main idea. We're you going PH / Spin31 on a mofo when you took a beat, or neglecting your friends and family to play poker, or neglecting your educational ambitions, or what? No matter what, aren't you being a little hard on yourself? So you grinded all day, let the fact that you were earning money at it make you a little cocky and stopped maturing. Well, April 15th gave you a big dose of maturity all at once so your back up to the "chip average" in that department and have enough BB to pick some good spots from here. Just grind all fucking day and remember to feed your dog, brush your teeth and pay your taxes. Besides that, if anybody has a problem with it, tell them to go take a hike. React however you want when you take a beat. it's on-line and you paid your rake. live is another story. if you find something you want to do more than poker, then do it. until then, grind on and gl.

really good post from a good dude.
its easy to be consumed by this game and neglect other aspects of ur life, i know i did.

How has MMM not been banned yet? Gawd all the guy does is troll and hate on people.

 

Originally Posted by MakeMeMaster

This is so funny.. LMFAO :P lol..

Nice post further funny!

Great post Funnygut. You always seemed like a great guy, and I miss seeing you around at the tables.

great post, and MMM is a douche

its hard to be a full time player and have a family/social life or give the time needed to loved ones and friends and also puts u in some major mood swings but the key to all of it is control .. only you have the power to allow poker to control you . im thankful for your post funny , alot can indeed relate to your story , i for 1 .