Part One: Seeking Advice

I really miss playing poker and am trying to find something to fill the void. I primarily grinded sng's + mtt's as I have never been able to get a grasp on cash games. With most of my bankroll on Full Tilt I don't have much disposable income to play with.

With that in mind there is a poker parlor nearby. Last week I took $60 and bought into a $1/$2 game. The players were just unspeakably awful. Worse than anything I have ever seen. On a board of Q-J-8-8-5 I moved in and received a call. I turned over Q8, she turned over J4. (?????)

I ended up cashing out for $210 and left fairly happy.

Then I played again last night and lost back most of my profit. Basically there's this guy who is so aggro he just doesn't give a fuck. Just kept rebuying for $200 and talking about what horrible luck he has because he raises to $15 every single hand and is getting pummelled by better hands. Well when I finally picked up AK and 4-bet shoved preflop he called with KJo and got there.

I just don't understand these games. I would rather play anything but a NLHE cash games but it's the only thing around here. Do you guys have any tips?

Part Two: Complaining

I just don't understand these games at all. Raising 7.5x preflop with QJo? I guess that makes sense since people are calling with J7o but I don't know. I played for 4 hours straight and had the best possible result of every hand I played. I flopped top pair 3 times and ended up just losing the minimum (once to a guy playing K4o UTG, another to a guy playing 92cc, another guy with a flush draw that made a higher pair on the river). These guys can't value bet for shit. Like, at least make a bet that might peak my curiosity enough to call. I love watching them flop the nuts and shoving $80 into a $20 pot and then triumphantly showing that they flopped it and got no value out of it.

The funny thing was that these guys are all making cracks about how tight I'm playing, and yet when I 4-bet shove preflop here's what's said:

"Whoops, must have a monster........ guy's played like 2 hands all night...... you must have me in real bad shape......... I call."
"Ace-King."
"Ouch."

Here's the best part. It's like a $200 pot which would be a nice boost to my bankroll. As soon as he called I turn over my cards. This guy doesn't. He basically watches as the board gets spread. He knows his hand, my hand, and that he hit his jack on the flop. Then he looks at me and says, "I have a jack." Am I crazy or is this a total asshole move? How is that not just an awful slowroll especially to an all-in player?

I walked away from the game wondering what I could possibly have done differently. I lost all my profit but it's hard to argue with losing the minimum while being monumentally card dead and getting in a 4:1 favorite.

Part Three: Funny Stories

It's hard to know where to begin. Every player is such a mix of retarded-aggro and just plain retarded differentiating between the two is difficult. The first thing I noticed is that after EVERY. SINGLE. HAND. Without fail, someone at the table brings up that they folded "the winning hand." Regardless of whether it would mean calling huge bets pre-flop, post flop, on the turn. Whatever, that 84o would've been the winner. Then the other guys nod in agreement as if to say, "Yep, playing every hand to the river seems to be the way to go." As if the other hundred hands where the hand isn't worth a fuck don't matter.

Midway through the evening a large black gentleman walks in and everyone at the table is like, "oh man here we go, easy money." They're making little cracks about how bad this player is. Aggro guy who busted me seemed the most excited. He immediately rebought for the max. Few hands in 4 players see a flop of 2-4-4 on the new guy's BB. MP player bets and aggro guy raises. New guy flats in the BB and MP guy gets out of the way. Turn is a 9. New guy checks, aggro bets $100. New guy calls. River K, new guy checks, aggro puts him all-in for $200. New guy slowly and methodically looks at his cards and puts in his chips. Aggro triumphantly turns over A4o, new guy turns over 22. The whole table was just dead silent. It was fucking hilarious. New guys wins the $600+ pot, aggro guy sulks down and continues to bemoan his luck, talk about how he's the only one there that knows how to play, and pulls out two more hundreds (I think he rebought 4 times).

There was one more hand that sticks out in my mind. There was this older guy who played pretty tight. In fact the only real difference between he and I was that he was actually hitting hands and amassing chips. He got into a hand with another aggro player where a 3rd club hit the board on the turn. Old guy bets $25 and I'm pretty sure everyone at the table knew he hit his flush. Mind you, there was a raise pre, a bet on the flop, and now the old guy bets the turn. Aggro calls, river is a non-club 7. Aggro guys immediately announces "I'm all-in" for like $150. Old guy immediately calls and turns over ATcc for the nuts.

Aggro just starts saying "here take these" and pushing all his chips to the old guy. He still has his cards so I'm not sure what's going on. Is he gonna muck? What's going on here? Then for no reason at all he shows the table his hand. Qc7d. He had raised pre, bet the flop with complete air, picked up a dead flush draw on the turn, then moved in with a pair of sevens into a guy that everyone knew had the flush. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Anyway I don't care if anyone even reads this. I've just had a lot of thoughts pouring through my mind and needed to get them out somewhere. And if anyone has any advice for this game I'd appreciate it. Maybe I can talk them into getting a mixed-game table going.

Part Four: More Complaining

Went back for more last week. Put a guy all-in on a flop of K-T-9. I flipped up KT and he showed QT. He bricked out. Then called a shorty's 4-bet shove with JJ, he showed QQ and I spiked a Jack to take him out. Quickly up to $200. I remember thinking to myself, "well okay, I'm pretty much even with the poker universe now."

That's when things started to go way wrong.

Got into a hand with the guy from the last story of the previous post (Q7o guy). He raises UTG and I call on the button with J9dd.

Flop is J-7-8. He checks I bet $10, he flats. Turn is another Jack, he checks I bet $25. He calls with only $28 behind. River is a Ten. He checks I announce all-in and he shouts "I CALL!" and proudly flips up Q9o.

.........yeah. Called off 2/3 of your stack with a gutshot...... then when you hit your miracle you check? I mean it worked out for him so that makes it the optimum play (sarcasm).

Then I get into a hand where I raise UTG with AKo. Dude to my left flats, flop is K-Q-4 with two hearts. I bet $10 he calls. Turn is a 9. I probably should have bet $15 but I check and he bets $10. I flat. River is a non-heart 6. I check he bets $25. I tank for a minute. JT, KQ, K9, 44? KT, KJ, QT all just as likely here.

I toss in the chips and he shows me 96. Nine............... six.

Down to my last $60 and in the BB w/KJ I see a flop of K-Q-J. I check and UTG bets $10 (same guy). I c/r to $40 and he flats. Turn is a 9 (obv) I only had $17 behind so it goes in. He calls and shows me QT (FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!)

Worked hard today and fired up some play chip PLO for the lulz.

3-way all-in 9s-8c-7s-6c on a flop of 10s-6s-7c

vs. KKQJ and KQQJ

94% to win is astonishing against 2 hands on the flop.

Far as I can tell they're drawing to running 9-8, or the case K or Q and the board to pair but not a six.

Turn 9, river 8.

Then got it in 3-ways with AQTK on a flop of Q-T-J
against QT57 and 7685

I'm 89% vs. 0.3% and the third guy is drawing dead.

QT57 is drawing to running 7's or running 5's and there are only 2 5's left in the deck.

Turn 5. River 5.

It was just play chip but it was funny cause these were back to back hands.