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$5 dollar on stars contest.......Funniest joke wins Edit: Next weeks contest post picutre of the nicest ass on earth(female)

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  1. slks slks is offline

    New Orleans, LA
    United States

    Posts: 948
    Joined: Oct 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:12pm)

    i will let OT vote on it.......

    Contest ends tommorrow at noon.
  2. VestanPance VestanPance is offline

    Reigate
    United Kingdom

    Posts: 136
    Joined: Jan 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:14pm) in reply to slks

    So the midget says to the woman "Gee your hair smells nice"
  3. Jennifear Jennifear is offline

    Niagara Falls, NY
    United States

    Posts: 10,222
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:17pm) in reply to slks

    Why Does Michael Jackson like sixty nine year olds?

    Answer in ghost text:

    Because there are sixty of them.
  4. VestanPance VestanPance is offline

    Reigate
    United Kingdom

    Posts: 136
    Joined: Jan 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:20pm) in reply to Jennifear

    ^^^^^^^ Just spat my drink over the laptop.
  5. LitezOut LitezOut is offline

    Wilmington, DE
    United States

    Posts: 2,248
    Joined: Jan 07

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:26pm) in reply to VestanPance

    Michael Jackson jokes will be funny till the end of time... what a perfect target
  6. LitezOut LitezOut is offline

    Wilmington, DE
    United States

    Posts: 2,248
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:29pm) in reply to slks

    Oldie... but a goodie:

    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

    He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

    Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomania Convention in Chicago".

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

    "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"

    "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

    Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.

    We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck."

    Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

    "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba..
  7. slks slks is offline

    New Orleans, LA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:29pm) in reply to Jennifear

    very good.........we have a front runner!
    Thread Starter
  8. slks slks is offline

    New Orleans, LA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:31pm) in reply to LitezOut

    lol.......that one is good also.

    keep them coming!
    Thread Starter
  9. headhunter01 headhunter01 is offline

    United States

    Posts: 206
    Joined: May 05

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:36pm) in reply to slks

  10. firemanx firemanx is offline

    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    United States

    Posts: 146
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:48pm) in reply to slks

    One cold day there is an Amish mother and daughter riding in there horse drawn carriage to the store. The daughter looks @ the mother, and says "Mom my hands are cold!" Th mother replys "Just put them between your legs, and warm them up.

    A few Days later the Amish daughter, and her boyfriend are riding the same horse draw carriage into town. When her boyfriend turns to her, and says "my hands are cold" To which the young amish daughter says just put them between my legs, and warm them up."

    So a few days pass, and young amish couple are riding to go to the market, and the boyfriend says to his amish girlfriend "My nose is freezing today in this brisk weather" To which his beutiful amish girlfriend replies. Just put it between my legs, and warm it up.

    So a few more days pass, and the same happy couple are riding along. When the boyfriend turns to his Amish girlfriend, and says "honey my pein$ is cold" His girfriend once again tells him to just warm it up between her legs."

    So after this episode the Amish Mother and daughter are riding along, and the daughter turns to her mother , and says "Mom do penis's always spit when u warm them up?"
  11. DaneW DaneW is offline

    Regina
    Canada

    Posts: 15
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 5:55pm) in reply to slks

    What did the boy in the wheelchair get for Christmas?

    <span>Cancer.

    <span>^highlight.</span>
    </span>
  12. Jaybone2315 Jaybone2315 is offline Professional Couch Ruiner

    San Diego, CA
    United States

    Posts: 27,290
    Joined: Jul 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:04pm) in reply to slks

    A young boy is excited that it is his birthday and runs up to his grandmother and yells, "Grandma! Grandma! Its my birthday, guess how old I am."

    She says, "Im not really sure, you have to help me out, Pull down your pants."

    Puzzled, the boys agrees and pulls down his shorts. His grandmother starts to fondle his balls for a few minutes before saying, "Your 5 years old today."

    The boy yells, "Yes! How did you know?"

    She replies, "I heard you tell your father."
  13. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,965
    Joined: Dec 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:11pm) in reply to Jaybone2315

    A little boy & little girl were playing oneup at the beach

    after the little girl had obv won the little boy pulled down his pant exposing his penis

    "you dont have one of these............ the girl burst in to tears and ran away

    but in 5 mins was back very happy and cocky she pulled down her BS and said

    My Momy said with one of these i can get as many of those as i want!
  14. DOITDEALER DOITDEALER is offline

    Posts: 1,160
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:40pm) in reply to towman1

    What'd the guy with the one-inch penis have for breakfast today?

    I had, eggs and bacon.
  15. Tak3Th3V31L4 Tak3Th3V31L4 is offline

    Antaninarenina
    Madagascar

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:49pm) in reply to DOITDEALER

    how do u make a dead baby float?

    <span>1 scoop vanilla icecream, 1 scoop dead baby, coke.</span> <---------------
  16. aberneal aberneal is offline

    Houston, TX
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:54pm) in reply to slks

    Whats the differnece between a toad and a horny toad?

    One says ribbit the other says rub it. <
  17. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,965
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:57pm) in reply to aberneal

    what is the diff between a kinky person and a pervert

    kinky= feather

    pervert= whole chicken
  18. Magnet Steve Magnet Steve is online now

    Boston, MA
    United States

    Posts: 9,376
    Joined: Jan 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 6:59pm) in reply to slks

    Anyone looking for $2.50? I am willing to multiaccount.
  19. POKER_PANDA POKER_PANDA is offline

    Tahoe City, CA
    United States

    Posts: 4,520
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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:03pm) in reply to towman1

    So far DoitDealer's is the only one to make me laugh out loud.
  20. Tak3Th3V31L4 Tak3Th3V31L4 is offline

    Antaninarenina
    Madagascar

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:04pm) in reply to Magnet Steve

    this joke is very bad:

    whats the diff b/t a dead baby and a ham sandwich?

    <span>i dont nut on my ham sandwich before i eat it...</span><---
  21. selura selura is offline

    Fortville, IN
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:06pm) in reply to slks

    OP,

    Just unzip the front of your britches and look down.
  22. pace13 pace13 is offline

    Brentwood, CA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:18pm) in reply to selura

    A little blind girl goes up to her mom and says, "Mommy, mommy, when will I be able to see?"
    Her mom replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
    So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
    The following morning the little girl stumbled into her moms bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mommy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
    So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mommy, I still can't see."
    To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
  23. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:19pm) in reply to selura

    this thread going downhill fast and it had such promise....................
  24. SlutPuppy SlutPuppy is offline

    Tempe, AZ
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:20pm) in reply to slks

    A man walks into this therapist's office wearing only saran wrap, the therapist takes one look at him and says, "Oh no no no no no, I can clearly see your nuts."
  25. pace13 pace13 is offline

    Brentwood, CA
    United States

    Posts: 1,380
    Joined: Mar 06

    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:21pm) in reply to SlutPuppy

    In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.
    Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!
    Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
  26. pace13 pace13 is offline

    Brentwood, CA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:29pm) in reply to pace13

    EDIT ***

    removed for lack of humor and beyond tasteless
  27. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:30pm) in reply to pace13

    im withdrawing from this contest
  28. slks slks is offline

    New Orleans, LA
    United States

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:39pm) in reply to slks

    Doitdealer's was great!!!!

    Keep them going yall have til tommorrow.

    Everybody start picking the frontrunners!
    Thread Starter
  29. Stritz Stritz is offline

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:43pm) in reply to DaneW

    so terrible...yet so funny
  30. aligator_al aligator_al is offline

    Maple Ridge
    Canada

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    Aug 16th, 2007 (8/16/2007 7:44pm) in reply to Tak3Th3V31L4

    Gold Sheet Joe walks into a bar.

    "Ouch my head" he says.

    His buddy says "Next time duck dipshit"
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