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asking permission?

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  1. eagleseye13 eagleseye13 is offline japanese pos

    United States

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 7:55pm)

    i was thinking about this the other day as i had a talk about getting married. My family is Catholic and I was raised to ask a father's permission before you ask his daughter to marry you.

    Is this still the norm or am I out of the loop on this? I wouldn't want her to know obv that I asked so any suggestions from people that have done this and/or are going to be doing this. Also is it standard with other faiths or doesn't it matter. she's protestant but non practicing..
  2. normlfella normlfella is offline

    Somerville, MA
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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 7:56pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    all religious affiliation aside, I think its totally standard to ask the old man first
  3. XquiziVex XquiziVex is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 7:57pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    beg for forgiveness imo
  4. d1am0ndc d1am0ndc is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 7:58pm) in reply to normlfella

    My wife comes from a pretty religious family, but I said fuck it. I didn't ask permission.
  5. DJam21 DJam21 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 7:58pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    If he says no will you split up?
  6. CoderMan1 CoderMan1 is offline

    Nashville, TN
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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:01pm) in reply to DJam21

    Pics or gtfo
  7. blufhard blufhard is offline

    Temple, GA
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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:02pm) in reply to normlfella

    What normlfella said. I asked and I believe my life is 10x better/easier because of it. My wife's sisters's husband did not ask and pretty much the whole family slams him about it. Of course it doesn't help that he is a good for nothin pos that has gone through 4 jobs in the last 6 months too. Not to mention being a racist toolshed. But ya, asking the pops = standard.
  8. ZRobsUSC ZRobsUSC is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:03pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    it's between you and her, not you and her old man
  9. LeftyMark LeftyMark is online now Boss of Birds

    MA
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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:03pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    I would never think to do this.
  10. saxman saxman is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:03pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    it's an old fashioned thing called respect but it seems to be a lost art.

    asking for permission is the respectful thing to do and will probably go a long way with your future father in law.
  11. bdluss bdluss is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:04pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    I would still ask for permission, I don't think religion is relevant in asking. It is a good way to keep a positive relationship with your future inlaws. With that said, somewhat funny side story when I asked.

    So it was maybe a Tues. or Wed. when I called him to see if I could down on the weekend and talk. I didn't say exactly, but why else would the guy who is dating your daughter ask to talk to you alone without his daughter around. So, this same weekend my wife had some lunch plans and going to an art show with her mom. Well the dad figured what was up and told his wife. Who then in turned asked my wife, so you have something important to tell me? Any big news in your life? All the while my wife was like WTF cause although we had talked about marriage, i never had asked her as I wanted to get the ok from the father first. Well after I asked her to marry me on Tuesday. my wife was laughing as it made sense why her mom was acting so weird that weekend.
     
  12. Brooklyn999 Brooklyn999 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:07pm) in reply to normlfella

     
    Originally Posted by normlfella View Post

    all religious affiliation aside, I think its totally standard to ask the old man first

  13. FenwayKing FenwayKing is offline The Well: FenwayKing

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:09pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    wow, I had no idea this was still standard

    good to know
    247 1
  14. dams dams is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:10pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    just put a note on his windshield
  15. Moonlight Graham Moonlight Graham is online now

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:10pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    i didnt, but she doesnt really like her dad.. or any other males for that matter.. :(
  16. DJam21 DJam21 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:16pm) in reply to DJam21

     
    Originally Posted by DJam21 View Post

    If he says no will you split up?

    This was a cereal question btw, for everyone. What's the protocol if the dad tells you to take a running jump?
  17. saxman saxman is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:20pm) in reply to DJam21

     
    Originally Posted by DJam21 View Post

    What's the protocol if the dad tells you to take a running jump?

    Is there a legit reason why he woud say no? If yes, then you have a bigger issue. If no, then you need to find out why and talk it over with the g/f. If you are marrying into a family and you are not welcome, you better hope you have a hella strong relationship. Marriage is tough enough without the in-law dramas.
  18. Rocky Rocky is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:21pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    If you ask the father and he says no there is probably good reason for it, imo.
     
  19. marc1313 marc1313 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:22pm) in reply to d1am0ndc

    definitely not mandatory, but still a nice sign of respect, and if you have a good relationship with him, then i think you should ask.
  20. Stockage Stockage is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:27pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    I asked my father-in-law for his blessing. He said no. should have taked the old man's advice.
  21. Lameass_ Lameass_ is online now

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:29pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    Totally std.
  22. Generaly Generaly is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:34pm) in reply to marc1313

    My wife's dad was kinda shitty when I asked him.

    We've been married for 17 years.

    I haven't spoken to him since.
  23. HK_MP5N HK_MP5N is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:35pm) in reply to normlfella

     
    Originally Posted by normlfella View Post

    all religious affiliation aside, I think its totally standard to ask the old man first

    Absolutely for sure. I have been engaged once and did this and absolutely will do it on the next gal.
  24. Popperhead Popperhead is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:42pm) in reply to Stockage

    was it an awkward wedding ????
  25. cowboy301 cowboy301 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:45pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    Both my sons-in laws came to my wife and I and said they wanted to marry my daughters, and asked for our blessing, not our permission. Fortunately I like both of them and we were happy for them all.

    If I had disapproved I would have said I can't agree to that, but I realize my girls might have gotten married anyway. Young people make their own decisions, parents can give advice, but not run their lives.
  26. DJam21 DJam21 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:49pm) in reply to cowboy301

     
    Originally Posted by cowboy301 View Post

    ...asked for our blessing, not our permission.

    QF Me Likey
  27. saxman saxman is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 8:52pm) in reply to DJam21

     
    Originally Posted by DJam21 View Post

     
    Originally Posted by cowboy301 View Post

    ...asked for our blessing, not our permission.

    QF Me Likey

    100% - cowboy said it a lot better than i did
  28. jetman4109 jetman4109 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 9:00pm) in reply to saxman

    im about to propose and i'm talking with her dad soon. i see no reason not to, its the ultimate get off on the right foot kinda thing

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  29. playwithfire05 playwithfire05 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 9:03pm) in reply to Moonlight Graham

    ask during thanksgiving dinner while the bitches are in the kitchen of course.
  30. towman1 towman1 is offline

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    Nov 16th, 2009 (11/16/2009 9:16pm) in reply to playwithfire05

    What are you going to do if he says no?
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