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asking permission?

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  1. dealace1 dealace1 is offline @ UFC 115 via UB

    Mississauga
    Canada

    Posts: 1,042
    Joined: Jan 07

    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 1:31pm) in reply to Mr Galt

    I think that is just a lead in ice breaking question. What you are driving at is what sort of dowry does he have prepared.
  2. keylight keylight is offline

    United States

    Posts: 6,230
    Joined: Jan 06

    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 1:34pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    dumb tradition to me, I wouldn't do it.* If you plan on listening to the guy if he says no, then that's pathetic. If you don't plan on listening to the guy if he says no, then you're just being disingenuous.

    It's a sign of disrespect to your potential wife and to yourself to let a third party decide what is best for your relationship.

    My sister's fiance recently asked my dad for permission, his response was "you should as her." I'm guessing its 50/50 on how often this is still done.

    * If I knew that the guy was really into this, I might do it just to appease him.
  3. JET17 JET17 is offline

    Covina, CA
    United States

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 2:47pm) in reply to towman1

    I didn't ask my father in law for permission when I was about to propose. Instead I went over to his place and told him that I was going to propose and that I wanted him to know before I did. It was just a way of being respectful since him and my wife don't really get along. He was really happy and impressed that I even came to him. He never thought that I would do that. I think it's the right thing to do to at least show a little respect.
  4. Ajint Orange Ajint Orange is offline

    CT
    United States

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 2:51pm) in reply to JET17

    It's not a religious thing, it is a sign of respect.

    Think of it this way, if you ask and he says 'no', you are still going to ask her anyway

    If you ask and he says 'yes', then he is happy that you respected him, the future mother-in-law is happy, and maybe even your future wife will be happy when she finds out.

    If you don't ask, then maybe it's no big deal, but maybe the future father and mother-in-law get offended and give you trouble.

    So you have nothing to lose by asking. You have plenty to lose by not asking.
  5. lordxixor101 lordxixor101 is offline

    Westland, MI
    United States

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 3:10pm) in reply to keylight

     
    Originally Posted by keylight View Post

    dumb tradition to me, I wouldn't do it.* If you plan on listening to the guy if he says no, then that's pathetic. If you don't plan on listening to the guy if he says no, then you're just being disingenuous.

    It's a sign of disrespect to your potential wife and to yourself to let a third party decide what is best for your relationship.

    My sister's fiance recently asked my dad for permission, his response was "you should as her." I'm guessing its 50/50 on how often this is still done.

    * If I knew that the guy was really into this, I might do it just to appease him.

    I disagree here. I don't think anyone expects you to listen if he says no (even him). So, it's not really disingenuous. But, it shows a lot about you if your willing to do it. It shows your serious about it. Your also asking acceptance into their family (which, like it or not, he does have some control over).

    I would say under most situations do it. It is rarely going to be held against you, and most people are impressed. Not only that, it makes it a much smoother transition with the in-laws (or at least lets you know right up front that they don't like you). Because, it's really simple, if she loves her family (most people do) and they hate you, they will make your life a living hell, and there is going to be nothing you can do about it other than grin and bear it.
  6. bwbw80 bwbw80 is offline

    Conway, AR
    United States

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 3:32pm) in reply to eagleseye13

    I didn't. But I had a good relationship with my father-in-law well before, and they were all expecting it anyways. I think he'd been more pissed if I didn't.
  7. DOITDEALER DOITDEALER is offline

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 4:04pm) in reply to bwbw80

    I recently got engaged and I did ask for permission first. I said to her father, "I want to ask you a question that you've never been asked before and that is for your permission for me to ask your daughter to marry me."

    We had a short little talk about how he respected me for asking him and how I did it and that it isn't an easy thing to do, and for me to ask her to marry me when the time is right and that he is happy how well I treat her and wished me good luck etc...
  8. dallasttu dallasttu is offline

    Austin, TX
    United States

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    Nov 17th, 2009 (11/17/2009 4:19pm) in reply to s1nnr

     
    Originally Posted by s1nnr View Post

    im assuming that the dad and the girl will say no

    Than you'd be assuming incorrectly...

    if you're good, maybe one day you'll marry someone as good looking...
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