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**Cwag Update - Headed to State Prison**

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  1. Gambit Gambit is offline

    Spokane, WA
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:26am)

    Original Thread:
    http://www.pocketfives.com/f13/reall...eallly-618188/

    ***Current Cwag Update***

    Cliffs Mode

    - Cwag disappeared below the peripheral for a while, then popped back up with an unexpected phone call.

    - Apparently he had been on a few Russian Resupply Missions throughout Spokane (car robberies, home burglaries, etc), and had run into an unexpected problem after one of them.

    - Cwag had jacked some jewelry and electronics and decided he needed some cash, so he took all of it into one of the many Pawn Shops on East Sprague in Spokane to dump it off.

    - Shop agreed to buy it, and told him they needed to hold it overnight to give him cash (gave him slip).

    - Cwag pranced off, thinking he was gonna be able to be rolling in piles of meth the next day, all the while not knowing the electronics came back stolen (duh). You would think a seasoned Felon would know better than this, but he obv was on a fix and needed smack.

    - Comes back in the next day around noon, saunters into the Pawn Shop, asks this fat woman Manager for his money. Woman goes in the back to "get it", and comes back saying the transaction was just being run through computer and that it would be a minute (we've all seen this movie before).

    - Cwag waits a few minutes, starts feeling like something is wrong.

    - Asks woman what the problem is, and she grabs his arm and yells that he is busted and cops are on the way. Cwag told me he said, "I'm not shit, bitch motherfucker" and punched this dumbfuck Pawn bitch right in the face and ran towards the door.

    - Instant Problem: When Pawn Face was in the back, she was pushing the auto Door-Lock feature for their specialized anti-theft metal-pronged door.

    - Cwag hits the door full force like a pancake and crumples to floor. There are a couple customers cowering in the aisles now while Dented-face is screaming at them to get him.

    - Cwag gets up and starts to panic, kicking the door over and over with no result. He throws his shoulder into it and bounces off like a tennis ball.

    - New Idea: Grab the weed whacker on sale by the entrance and start swinging it full on at the door.

    - Cwag puts this vision into reality, while everyone else hides behind used golf clubs and microwaves.

    - Door begins to dent in after some enthusiastic swings, and he wedges a stool into it like a crowbar to bend it back enough for himself to escape.

    - Disappears.

    - Goes on the lamb for months, and calls me from Unknown Number. Tells me he is working some internet phone job remotely, has a new fiance, and is working on a deal with the state through his lawyer to turn himself in and do time.

    - Cwag tells me the best deal his lawyer worked is 2 years and change, and that will allow him to "visit some friends he hasn't seen for a while", and when I ribbed him on having to survive Gang Buttfucking Rape sessions, he told me "I'll be doing the pitching, mothafugga".

    -----------------------------------

    I wrote this update because he wants me to meet him for huge party up in the mountains this weekend, kinda a last hurrah it sounds like for him, and last time we went to this same party Cwag shit his pants and barfed all over his tent because he got so fucked up.

    I'm on the fence. Should I go? LOL I do normally have fun at this party.

    -
  2. Mr323 Mr323 is offline

    Saratoga Springs, NY
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:27am) in reply to Gambit

    What could go wrong?
  3. Cooker Cooker is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:29am) in reply to Mr323

    can't believe i forgot about cwag. this is great.
  4. weeminer weeminer is offline

    Chicago, IL
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:41am) in reply to Cooker

    I love Cwag adventures. Go and take lots of pictures/videos
     1
  5. cmval cmval is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:46am) in reply to weeminer

    your stories are like a more extreme version of the @DadBoner feed on twitter lol

    awesome stuff
  6. HK_MP5N HK_MP5N is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:48am) in reply to weeminer

     
    Originally Posted by weeminer View Post

    I love Cwag adventures. Go and take lots of pictures/videos

    ^^ this. Pure fucking gold here.
  7. TheWacoKidd TheWacoKidd is offline haters gonna hate

    Henderson, NV
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:52am) in reply to HK_MP5N

     1
  8. Cooker Cooker is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:19am) in reply to TheWacoKidd

    btw, your breaking some kind of OT rule if you post this and dont go. and obv there better be some pics and videos.
  9. Moonlight Graham Moonlight Graham is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:24am) in reply to Cooker

    he might run into Marcus during his stretch
  10. Jaybone2315 Jaybone2315 is offline J.B. Grindier

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:26am) in reply to Moonlight Graham

    How do I not know who Cwag is? He sounds awesome.
  11. Cooker Cooker is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:28am) in reply to Jaybone2315

    he is awesome. i'm jealous you get to discover the greatness that is cwag now.
  12. Jaybone2315 Jaybone2315 is offline J.B. Grindier

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:37am) in reply to Cooker

     
    Originally Posted by SCooker View Post

    he is awesome. i'm jealous you get to discover the greatness that is cwag now.

    Just went to that old thread. I must have been MIA or drunk for a few days or soemthing. I remember watching those videos before but that was it.
  13. dolphin13 dolphin13 is offline OT Vice MVP

    Chicago, IL
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:37am) in reply to Jaybone2315

     
    Originally Posted by Jaybone2315 View Post

    How do I not know who Cwag is? He sounds awesome.


    this. apparently I'm late to the party again
  14. sean614 sean614 is online now

    Philadelphia, PA
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:39am) in reply to dolphin13

    Cwag stories are the best..

    BartScott.gif
  15. DBo Fo Sho DBo Fo Sho is online now

    Scottsdale, AZ
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 2:44am) in reply to Moonlight Graham

     
    Originally Posted by Moonlight Graham View Post

    he might run into Marcus during his stretch

    or Marcus might run it into him
  16. norcaljeff norcaljeff is offline 2010 OT Thread Kill Leader

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 3:39am) in reply to Gambit

    cwag? prison? I, for one, am shocked.
  17. AMARTIN1181 AMARTIN1181 is offline Is not a girl

    West Hartford, CT
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 3:55am) in reply to norcaljeff

    state prison is a walk in the park, doubt he'll even get raped. Gl cwag.
    676 
  18. Realbigfish4 Realbigfish4 is online now

    Astoria, NY
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 3:57am) in reply to Cooker

     
    Originally Posted by SCooker View Post

    can't believe i forgot about cwag. this is great.

    .
  19. Autolobotomist Autolobotomist is offline playing air is my style? so what

    Tempe, AZ
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 4:12am) in reply to Realbigfish4

    OT needs to start working on a plan to spring Cwag from the joint. If he spends 2+ years in he may decide to turn shit around, but if we bust him out he'll feel fucking invincible. OT is better with a free Cwag.

    FREE CWAG!
  20. userid363 userid363 is online now Closet, found my way out

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 4:15am) in reply to Jaybone2315

     
    Originally Posted by Jaybone2315 View Post

    How do I not know who Cwag is? He sounds awesome.


    Cwag is you if you had grown up with an alcoholic abusive step-father
  21. supra1988t supra1988t is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 4:18am) in reply to Autolobotomist

    Ya he sounds real cool.


    Wtf?
     
  22. Jaybone2315 Jaybone2315 is offline J.B. Grindier

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 4:32am) in reply to supra1988t

     
    Originally Posted by supra1988t View Post

    Ya he sounds real cool.


    Wtf?

    He clearly sounds like a fucking asshole. But hes not my friend and I dont have to hang out with him, so his stories are entertaining.

    I thought this was obv...
  23. I Fold I Fold is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 4:42am) in reply to Jaybone2315

    Cwag is a fascinating motherfucker...would not be happy if he was my celly. He should write a book of his exploits when he gets out.
  24. kmc28 kmc28 is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 5:03am) in reply to I Fold

    Cwag never fails on bringing the lols.
  25. dams dams is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 5:10am) in reply to kmc28

    Is it pronounced see-wag or swag? I like see-wag.
  26. Autolobotomist Autolobotomist is offline playing air is my style? so what

    Tempe, AZ
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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 5:15am) in reply to dams

    It's phonetic. His name is a crystalmethization of his name, Craig.
  27. Cooker Cooker is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 5:20am) in reply to Autolobotomist

    lol auto. i pronounce it see-wag. if im wrong, i dont care. thats how im saying it.
  28. Edub Edub is offline

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 10:31am) in reply to Autolobotomist

     
    Originally Posted by Autolobotomist View Post

    It's phonetic. His name is a crystalmethization of his name, Craig.

    LOL

    please fucking go dude, we would all really like it if you did.
  29. Autolobotomist Autolobotomist is offline playing air is my style? so what

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 10:46am) in reply to Edub

  30. Glo4m Glo4m is offline Confess to me

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    Oct 11th, 2012 (10/11/2012 1:36pm) in reply to Autolobotomist

    you better go, and you better tell him to write you letters from prison. you know hes gonna have some stories from inside.
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