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  1.  
    Originally Posted by Jaybone2315 View Post


    click, click, click

    nothing...

  2. i keep clicking it but nothing is happening. why god why would anyone post a link that doesn't work!
  3. loooool funny shit!

    Original ad:
    FREE COUCH! i have a free plaid couch on the curb outside my house. the address is 39 ******* rd come and get it!
    From Mike Anderson to **********@*******.org

    Hey. I am tired of driving down ******* and seeing your ugly couch. It is ruining the neighborhood. What the hell were you thinking when you bought that? Nobody is going to want that thing! It better not be there when I drive past tomorrow.

    From ************@gmail.com to Me

    if you dont like it why dont u come and fuckin get it. tough shit if u dont like seeing it. its only been out there 1 day!

    From Mike Anderson to ************@gmail.com

    One day too many. I don't want your shitty couch. Maybe I would if I was a Scottish guy living in the 70's, but I'm not. That couch looks like what would happen if a parrot and a rhino fucked and had a freak baby, and then that baby grew up and then took a shit on your curb. Why don't you pay someone to haul that piece of shit away?

    From ************@gmail.com to Me

    fuck you buddy! tough shit. drive a different way

    From Mike Anderson to ************@gmail.com

    I like going that way because it is scenic. Well, at least it was until you put that pile of shit out there. If it is stil there tomorrow, I am going to come back during the night and cement it to your driveway.

    From ************@gmail.com to Me

    COME AND TRY IT MOTHERFUCKER ILL BE WAITING
  4.  
    Originally Posted by UhhMee View Post

    i keep clicking it but nothing is happening. why god why would anyone post a link that doesn't work!

    click harder
     
  5. wee clicking works fine for me.
    firefox pwns your souls.
  6. fine, I'll be nice and explain.
    download firefox... then download these add-ons for firefox...

    Linkification
    Adblock Plus
    Web of Trust (WOT)
  7. not sure why the link doesnt work...oh well i suck at the internet...funny shit none the less...
    Thread Starter
  8.  
    Originally Posted by greg nice View Post


    pretty funny

    http://www.dontevenreply.com/index.php

    I fixed your link down here. Anyone who didn't check it out because you don't know how to hyperlink really missed out.

    My fav so far...

    Kittens for my Tiger
    Posted at: 2009-06-09 02:00:01

    Original ad:
    litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.
    From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org

    Hi,

    I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?

    Mike

    From Shannon ******* to Me

    Mike,

    Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

    From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

    Shannon,

    To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.

    Mike

    From Shannon ******* to Me

    That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

    From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

    Shannon,

    I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

    From Shannon ******* to Me

    NO.
  9. love this!
     
  10. I have never laughed so hard in my life
     
  11. I think he is almost bloodninja good.
  12. just click the link, and delete the index.php
  13. http://www.dontevenreply.com/

    Fat Bitch Won't Ride the Bus
    Posted at: 2009-06-15 17:08:40 | 11 comments | Add Comment

    Original ad:
    im looking for ride from the philadelphia area to pittsburgh next friday. i will split the cost of gas with you. I am female, and would prefer to ride with another female or young(21-ish) person.


    From Mike Anderson to ************@*********.org


    Hey! I am going to Pittsburgh and can give you a ride. Can you meet me at 30th St. Station 11 AM on Friday? By the way, I'm 21, so you don't have to worry about riding with some old creeper.
    Mike

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    hey mike! that sounds good. how much do you want for gas? let me get your number so we can work out the details

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Melanie,

    I was thinking around $70 should cover it. Unfortunately I do not have a cell phone because I accidentally forgot to take my pants off when I was taking a bath last night and forgot my cell phone was in the pocket. It won't turn on! Could you just stand outside of the west entrance with a sign that says "I'm Melanie" ? I'll look for you.

    Mike

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    wow i wasnt expecting to pay $70! why so much? i was thinking more around 30-35 bucks! also im not standing out there with a sign lol.

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Melanie, I'm sorry but the price is not negotiable. Unfortunately the cheapest bus ticket is $70. Do you want to just meet me on the bus if you don't want to stand out there with a sign?

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    what?! i didnt want to ride a bus! i thought you were driving a car to pittsburgh. wtf dude

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Well shit Melanie, I didn't think you would be so picky about what kind of vehicle you wanted to ride in. If price is an issue, I can sneak you on the bus. I've done it before with my son. I have a duffel bag that is pretty big, and you can just hide inside it and not move and they will load you under the bus. I'll make sure that they put you on top of all the other luggage so you aren't crushed. You can have my video ipod to stay entertained during the bus ride. It has the first season of Deadwood on it. You aren't fat, are you? I don't want the bag to rip from underneath when they lift it up.

    Mike

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    are you fucking with me? this has to be a joke. there is no fucking way im doing that

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Oh, you aren't a Deadwood fan? I think I have the Ben Affleck hit "Gigli" on my iPod if you wanted to watch that instead.

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    NO! IM NOT SNEAKING ON TO THE FUCKING BUS IN A GODDAMN SUITCASE

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Okay, I didn't realize you were so sensitive about your weight. If you can't fit in the duffel bag that's fine. I just went and ordered you the bus ticket. It is pretty much first-come first-serve for seating on the bus. You can sit next to me if you want, but I want the window seat. I also have to get up a lot to pee so you will have to get up so I can squeeze out.

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    IM NOT RIDING THE BUS! I'LL FIND ANOTHER RIDE

    From Mike Anderson to Melanie ********
    Well you owe me $70 for the ticket! I can't return it!

    From Melanie ******** to Me
    I NEVER SAID TO BUY IT! THAT IS YOUR FAULT DUDE GOODBYE
     
  14. Comatose Grandma Sitter
    Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:58:37
    What a bitch!
    Original ad:
    hi there i am a 22 year old female babysitter looking for a job. i am available pretty much all the time so if you need someone to look after your kid, let me know!
    From Timmy Tucker to **********@***********.org

    Hey,

    I saw your ad about babysitting and am very interested. My grandmother is in the hospital and is probably going to die. She is never awake when I am there, and the doctors say she is only awake for about 5 minutes every couple of days. The problem is, I need her to sign a re-drafted will I wrote so I can get all of her stuff when she dies. Right now she has all of her money going to my bitch sister and her family. I don't have the time to sit there and watch her all day because I have better things to do. I need you to sit at the hospital and watch her in case she wakes up, and then make her sign the will. I will pay you $10 an hour for this job.

    Thanks,

    Tim

    From ***********@gmail.com to Me

    no thanks that is sick! show some sympathy you prick!

    From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com

    Obviously I am not offering you enough money. I will pay you $15 an hour, but in return I need you to unplug her life support after you get her to sign the will.

    From ***********@gmail.com to Me

    YOU ARE FUCKING SICK I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL

    From Timmy Tucker to **********@gmail.com

    You clearly do not have the right mindset to enter the fast-paced industry of babysitting. I will find a babysitter that has a little bit more balls than you.

    From ***********@gmail.com to Me

    FUCK OFF
  15. these have to be fake. at least they make you guys laugh though
     
  16. why do they have to be fake?

    If you went around trying this with a ton off adds, you would get morans like this id think eventually
  17. Missed Connections
    Posted at: 2009-06-09 18:44:53

    Original ad:
    i saw you outside market east station. you were getting into a red ford truck. i was wearing a yellow shirt and had dirty blonde hair. our eyes met and we smiled. i hope you find me so we can meet up :)
    From Mike Anderson to *********@***********.org

    That was me. I don't know why you thought we had a moment. I was smiling because of how disgustingly fat you were. I was trying to hold back laughter as I got into my truck. When I got in I just fucking lost it. Dirty blonde hair? Try dirty, grease-soaked hair.

    From Chelsea ******** to Me

    FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
  18. <dl><dd>I.F. : You ready yet? Im bearing to go! </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like? </dd><dd>I.F. : a Kodiac bear </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : ? </dd><dd>I.F. : Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my :way down your stomach </dd><dd>I.F. : I growl to warm you my cubs are near </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : huh? </dd><dd>I.F. : Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs </dd><dd>Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly.. </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants. </dd><dd>I.F. : Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking :it off me slowly </dd><dd>I.F. : I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you </dd><dd>I.F. : I Growl again, and start to bite you </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now </dd><dd>I.F. : I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood :mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll. </dd><dd>SexyKarla17 : what the fuck? </dd><dd>I.F. :uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent. </dd></dl>
  19. Original ad:
    i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!
    From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

    Hey there!

    I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

    The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:

    - The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours.
    - Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.
    - The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.
    - The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.
    - Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.
    - There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.
    - There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though.
    - I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.

    Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.

    I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.

    Thanks,

    Mike

    From joey ******* to Me

    hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?

    From Mike Anderson to joey ********
    Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.

    Mike

    From joey ******* to Me

    What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of shit! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.
    Thread Starter
  20. Original ad:
    selling 1997 toyota camry. 146k miles. engine and transmission in good shape. was in minor fender bender, damage shown in pictures
    From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org

    Hello,

    Let me just introduce myself. My name is Mike, and two weeks ago my dog was hit and killed by a car in Manayunk. The driver did not stop. He was hit by a white '97 Toyota Camry. With the side of the bumper bashed in like in your pictures. I thought I would never find the killer, but then I saw the murderers car for sale in Manayunk on **********! YOURS. What, are you trying to get rid of the evidence? You killed my dog of 8 years, and didn't even stop. I had to tell my kids that they would never see him again. Now they just look dead inside, like their soul was taken from them. I can't blame them.

    We can't bring Skip back to life, but I want you to come here and apologize to my kids. And buy them a new dog. It is the least you could do.

    E-mail me back and we'll set up a time.

    - Mike

    From derek ******* to Me

    what? i didnt hit your fucking dog. no way im buying you a new dog

    From Mike Anderson to derek *******

    There's no denying it. I've got you dead to rights. The car that hit my dog is unmistakably yours. I even remember seeing your Outer Banks bumper sticker as I watched the car drive away, leaving Skip in a mangled mess in the middle of the street.

    Maybe you were drunk and didn't remember? That doesn't make you any less guilty.

    From derek ******* to Me

    are you fucking serious i didnt hit your dog!!! i even called my girlfriend and she had no idea what i was talking about. you are mistaken

    From Mike Anderson to derek *******

    No I am not. Does your girlfriend have long hair? I didn't get a good look at the killer's face, but I saw long hair from behind as they sped away. I just assumed it was a man because of their huge shoulders.

    From derek ******* to Me

    yes she has long hair but she didnt hit your dog. where did this happen?

    From Mike Anderson to derek *******

    You know where it happened. Right here in Manayunk. I think your girlfriend is lying to you. I would like to meet both of you and have a good chat with you two so I can figure out which one of you is lying.

    From derek ******* to Me

    no this is ridiculous neither of us hit your dog. im sorry it happened but this is not my fault

    From Mike Anderson to derek *******

    Why would you be sorry if you didn't do it? Seems like you feel guilty about murdering my dog. Just own up to it. Do the right thing. For my kids.
    Thread Starter
  21. Original ad:
    WE PAY TO CUT YOUR HAIR!
    We are a hair styling school that is looking for volunteers to get their hair styled/dyed by our students. We will pay you up to $50. Preferably women/girls
    From Mike Anderson to *********@*********.org

    Hey! I saw your ad saying you will pay cash to cut my hair! Well I just got my head shaved, but I haven't trimmed my pubes in about five months. They are pretty gnarly, and I jammed my beard trimmer trying to cut them earlier. How much would you pay me to trim my pubes?

    Mike

    From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

    Mike,

    Sorry but we do not trim pubic hair. This is more of a hair dying and styling place.

    Thanks!

    From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

    That works for me too. My pubes are very curly, but I've always wanted to get them straightened. Would you be able to do that? Maybe you could put some highlights in, and just shape up my split ends. Also, do you have some kind of conditioner that would take care of my crabs problem? My prescription ointment doesn't really do the job.

    Where are you located? I am free all day tomorrow.

    From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

    Mike we work on HEADS ONLY. SORRY.

    From Mike Anderson to *********@yahoo.com

    Here's what I am willing to do. You style my pubes, and I'll accept $40 cash instead of $50. You can even donate my pubes to those people with cancer who need hair, if you want.

    From *********@yahoo.com to Mike Anderson

    NO. That is disgusting. Leave us alone!
    Thread Starter
  22. These are hilarious keep em coming