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Dumb things ,smart people (supposedly) people say

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  1. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,968
    Joined: Dec 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 7:56am)

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
    morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh ....are you qualified to ask that question


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
  2. terva terva is offline

    Finland

    Posts: 1,302
    Joined: May 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 8:00am) in reply to towman1

    lol, vn post towman
  3. Kevlar21 Kevlar21 is offline

    Marstons Mills, MA
    United States

    Posts: 215
    Joined: Jan 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 8:37am) in reply to terva

    Good stuff, nice post.
  4. Maridu Maridu is offline

    Rio De Janeiro
    Brazil

    Posts: 4,367
    Joined: Nov 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 9:15am) in reply to towman1

    LAWLzzz "ORAL"
     
  5. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,968
    Joined: Dec 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 1:43pm) in reply to Maridu

    ya my brother has been emailing me a bunch of funny stuff
    Thread Starter
  6. Phi Phi is offline aka tennisee

    Posts: 16,401
    Joined: Mar 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 1:46pm) in reply to towman1

    lol, i hate it when people empty their spam folders on OT but that actually made me lawlz!
  7. SoCalDrew SoCalDrew is online now Moderator

    Dallas, TX
    United States

    Posts: 14,822
    Joined: Sep 05

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 1:56pm) in reply to towman1

    from court on wednesday:

    ME: your honor there is no proof that payment has been made since there are no named companies or signatures showing receipt of payment on these invoices. some receipts (the LL) has included show that he actually received REFUNDS and is trying to apply those amounts to our security deposit.

    Former LL: i cannot afford to go to the big stores...so i hire the people standing in front of the Home Depot...the illegals. they do not give me their names so i cannot put that on the receipt.

    WOW. are you supposed to admit in a court of law that you hire illegal aliens???
     
  8. Nickc011 Nickc011 is offline The Law

    Houston, TX
    United States

    Posts: 10,988
    Joined: Aug 05

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 1:56pm) in reply to towman1

    in summer i work at colonial williamsburg , and we have a 40 min movie that gives a background etc. to the area.

    a guest came up and asked a coworker of mine that was standing next to me (after he saw the movie) "so what was this movie about?" my friend responded "um, its about Williamsburg, sir"... thte guest then responded "oh thats right, williamsburg, the man"

    loool

    he realized his mistake about 10 seconds later and tried to prove his intelligence by stating random historical facts.. it was too late.
     
  9. R_U_Nuts R_U_Nuts is offline

    South Bend, IN
    United States

    Posts: 7,914
    Joined: Jan 07

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 2:06pm) in reply to Nickc011

    Thats some funny shit.
  10. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,968
    Joined: Dec 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 2:07pm) in reply to Nickc011

    When i was working for the paper we had several people call out so i got called in to help delivery

    on Sat the AJC puts out a sat edition of the sunday paper it has all the extra stuff except what happens between the time its printed and when the Sun edtion like Lottery numbers sports etc

    At about 1:30 pm i was in a kroger fininhsing up there allotment when this lady walks up to me and asks Are the winning lottery numbers in this ? this is early after noon and the drawing is at 11:00 pm

    I stood up looked her right in the eye and said No Mam if they were we would be selling them for a whole lot more than $2.00
    Thread Starter
  11. sean614 sean614 is offline

    Philadelphia, PA
    United States

    Posts: 12,541
    Joined: Nov 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 2:14pm) in reply to towman1

    aren't papers sold for like $.50?
  12. IbizaCF3 IbizaCF3 is offline

    Posts: 6,713
    Joined: Oct 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 2:16pm) in reply to sean614

    It's the bigass Sunday edition...just on Saturday. Fucking marketing ploy if you ask me.
  13. towman1 towman1 is offline

    Auburn, GA
    United States

    Posts: 15,968
    Joined: Dec 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 2:17pm) in reply to sean614

    Dailys sean the sunday is 2.00
    Thread Starter
  14. TheConArtist TheConArtist is offline

    Ireland

    Posts: 3,196
    Joined: Sep 06

    Sep 22nd, 2007 (9/22/2007 6:31pm) in reply to towman1

    No way these are real, actually tbh it wouldn't surprise me.
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