ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh ....are you qualified to ask that question
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
lol, vn post towman
Good stuff, nice post.
ya my brother has been emailing me a bunch of funny stuff
lol, i hate it when people empty their spam folders on OT but that actually made me lawlz!
from court on wednesday:
ME: your honor there is no proof that payment has been made since there are no named companies or signatures showing receipt of payment on these invoices. some receipts (the LL) has included show that he actually received REFUNDS and is trying to apply those amounts to our security deposit.
Former LL: i cannot afford to go to the big stores...so i hire the people standing in front of the Home Depot...the illegals. they do not give me their names so i cannot put that on the receipt.
WOW. are you supposed to admit in a court of law that you hire illegal aliens???
in summer i work at colonial williamsburg , and we have a 40 min movie that gives a background etc. to the area.
a guest came up and asked a coworker of mine that was standing next to me (after he saw the movie) "so what was this movie about?" my friend responded "um, its about Williamsburg, sir"... thte guest then responded "oh thats right, williamsburg, the man"
he realized his mistake about 10 seconds later and tried to prove his intelligence by stating random historical facts.. it was too late.
Thats some funny shit.
When i was working for the paper we had several people call out so i got called in to help delivery
on Sat the AJC puts out a sat edition of the sunday paper it has all the extra stuff except what happens between the time its printed and when the Sun edtion like Lottery numbers sports etc
At about 1:30 pm i was in a kroger fininhsing up there allotment when this lady walks up to me and asks Are the winning lottery numbers in this ? this is early after noon and the drawing is at 11:00 pm
I stood up looked her right in the eye and said No Mam if they were we would be selling them for a whole lot more than $2.00
aren't papers sold for like $.50?
It's the bigass Sunday edition...just on Saturday. Fucking marketing ploy if you ask me.
Dailys sean the sunday is 2.00
No way these are real, actually tbh it wouldn't surprise me.
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