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F*** Simpsons Hit and Run (the video game)

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  1. RaidenRadio RaidenRadio is offline

    Millsboro, DE
    United States

    Posts: 5,023
    Joined: Apr 07

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 5:47am)

    The Simpsons: Hit & Run (Gamecube, PS2, PC) (2003)



    Here's some things I fucking hate about the Simpsons Hit & Run game.

    The street races:

    Fuck these street races. The difficulty curve on them doesn't even make sense. Some of them are tough as shit even on the first level while there's one in the last level that's easy as a Sunday shit. And extra-fuck you to the races that pit you against 3 other drivers. In each one there's two opponents that are dumb as all hell and one that's fast as fuck. The fast as fuck one will be your only real competition but here's the kicker. The car is legitimately faster than yours, and it gets a big head start while you start in last. Also, the other two cars will try to run you off the road.

    By comparison, imagine if I challenged you to a race. Now, I'm naturally faster than you and I get a big head start and two of my friends are gonna push you to the ground from time to time. Sound like fun? You'd probably tell to eat shit. By the way I'm not naturally faster than anyone.

    The Plot:

    Fuck this plot. Spoiler: Aliens invade and the Simpsons have to stop them. You might think I'm spoiling a Simpsons game on the original NES 20 years ago but I'm not. In fact, hang on a second there was another Simpsons game released for 360, PS3 in 2007 let me see what that one was about.

    **checks wikipedia**

    Yep that one was about aliens invading Earth too. Makes right cause it's the Simpsons, a crazy infinite cartoon universe where anything and anything could happen. So..... there's..... that.

    The Last Mission:

    Throughout the game you use roughly 20 different cars and as the game progresses your cars improve in speed, handling, toughness, etc. In other words, you start out in a slow piece of shit but as you get better at the game so do the cars. At one point in the last level you're driving Professor Frink's hovercar and it fast as a holy fuck.

    On the last mission of the game you drive in Grampa Simpson's WWII jeep thing or whatever. Get ready for the shock of your life when you jump behind the wheel because while this thing isn't the fastest vehicle in the game it drives like controlling a rocket powered dolphin on a lake made of margarine. You can't control this thing to save your life and this is really really important because it's the end of the game and time is how you say, a big fucking deal.

    To put this in perspective imagine you're playing through Super Mario Brothers. You've got his running speed, jumping speed, that little slide thing he does all down perfectly. Now imagine you reach the last castle and all of a sudden the game turns Mario into a quadruple amputee in a motorized wheelchair with no discernible brakes and the castle floor is now covered in Crisco.

    Or if that's a little too wordy, imagine you're playing any generic FPS. You're upgrading your weapons through the game but before the last boss you have to get a special weapon that is upgraded out the ass to kill the last boss. You buy the gun but when you encounter the last demon and fire the weapon you discover that this new weapon has the barrel pointed backwards and you shoot yourself in the face. That's what this car is like. So fuck this car and this game.

    Review:

    Actually this game is quite fun and I would recommend it to anyone. There are only a half-dozen tasks that make you want to pull your teeth out of your eye sockets but they simply infinitely larger since you have to try them over and over again until you pass a Gamecube through colon. And yes I know I'm reviewing a 7-year old game but we sent back the 360 on Wednesday so fuck off.

    **** out of 5!
  2. TeddyKGB109 TeddyKGB109 is offline

    Ponca City, OK
    United States

    Posts: 1,126
    Joined: Nov 07

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 5:57am) in reply to RaidenRadio

    LOL

    My 14 year old sister has this game for her ps2 and it's the only one she really plays, I've watched her play it a few times and it seems like a really dumbed down, miniature scaled Grand Theft Auto style RPG game with a Simpson's theme. It seemed really stupid to me but she seemed to like it... although she does find the Simpson's a lot funnier than I do.
     
  3. threeven threeven is offline

    Tucson, AZ
    United States

    Posts: 18,612
    Joined: Feb 06

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 5:59am) in reply to TeddyKGB109

    k
    2
  4. Assassinato Assassinato is offline

    Costa Rica

    Posts: 2,703
    Joined: Sep 06

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 7:45am) in reply to threeven

    dude fuck you, i was a professional video game reviewer, I HAD TO ACTUALLY BEAT THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AND A 1000 OTHER TURDS LIKE IT, and by the time I got a good game I was usually so withered I didn't even care.
    239 1 
  5. sacaniga sacaniga is offline fake machinist

    Posts: 8,118
    Joined: Jul 07

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 10:53am) in reply to Assassinato

    i do <3 sunday morning poops
  6. deadeyehank deadeyehank is offline

    United Kingdom

    Posts: 1,301
    Joined: Jul 08

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 11:11am) in reply to sacaniga

    I had this game on the original xbox... Think I played it once. Had to collect all the fuckin coins before you could race multiplayer... Utter bullshit!
  7. elendil elendil is offline

    Sydney
    Australia

    Posts: 2,758
    Joined: Jun 07

    Aug 28th, 2010 (8/28/2010 11:42am) in reply to deadeyehank

    Great game, if you give it the time to play & funny as. You need to know "Springfield" pretty well before the races become beatable, you need to find the shortcuts and there are LOTS of them. Also if you seach nice and hard other types of vehciles become available.
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