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F'd up family issues

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  1. bwbw80 bwbw80 is offline

    Conway, AR
    United States

    Posts: 668
    Joined: May 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 9:18am)

    My wife's brother is a total d-bag.

    Background: He's 20, longest he has held a job since turning 18 is just a few weeks, lies about what he quits/gets fired, has 2 sons, he and his wife live with my in-laws, lazy, like to run around with friends instead of being responsible parents, etc.

    Anyways, wife's dad is a war vet and has been on edge a bit since getting back. Wife's brother and wife take advantage of them, asking for money all the time, asking them to watch their kids all the time so they can go running around, etc, on top of the fact that they live with them, do very little around the house to help, and neither of them really seem to want to work.

    Yesterday, my in-laws were at our house helping us with our kids (all 3 had been sick throughout the week, wife was sick, I was having to work). Wife's brother and wife show up at our house, unexpected, and ask my in-laws to watch their kids. Reason? A friend whose wedding he's in was supposedly flying them to where the tuxes are to get fitted.

    Mind you all of these people live in the same area (about an hour from where I live).

    Their oldest son, just over 13 months old, started running a decent fever. Wife wanted to send her brother a text telling him they should think about hurrying back if everyone could. Her mother begged her not too, afraid that my father-in-law would be angry.

    The entire situation has put a lot of strain on in-laws, both financially and in their relationship (he defends them, and she is sick of them mooching).

    I want to tell the in-laws to kick his ass out, but its not my place. They worry about the two babies. I want to tell the brother-in-law is its time to face reality and grow up, but he'll just get in his immature angry moods as he always does anyone tell him the truth.

    Whats the play?

    Cliff notes:

    Brother-in-law and wife live with in-laws with two babies
    Lazy and will not work
    Leave the kids with in-laws unexpected
    Want to tell him to f'n grow up
  2. Braaak Braaak is offline

    Skillman, NJ
    United States

    Posts: 2,525
    Joined: Feb 07

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 9:24am) in reply to bwbw80

    Don't tell the inlaws anything. Talk to your sis and the d-bag if you want to get involved.
  3. LordPye LordPye is offline

    Annandale, VA
    United States

    Posts: 1,749
    Joined: May 08

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 9:33am) in reply to Braaak

    Don't do anything about it. It really doesn't affect your life. Just makes you annoyed and your wife unhappy?

    If the in-laws want to keep enabling it, then so be it. No reason to stress yourself out over something you can't even remotely control.
  4. normlfella normlfella is offline

    Somerville, MA
    United States

    Posts: 2,459
    Joined: May 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 9:36am) in reply to bwbw80

    PM tsxxx04 (not sure when she'll be able to reply though)
  5. Da Donkey Da Donkey is offline

    Posts: 12,964
    Joined: May 05

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 9:37am) in reply to bwbw80

    I would stay out of all family affairs involving your wifes side of the family imo. You won't win w/ anyone by messing with that. They don't have to love you like your own family does imo.

    It's a lose/lose situation if you try to get involved.
  6. bwbw80 bwbw80 is offline

    Conway, AR
    United States

    Posts: 668
    Joined: May 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 10:16am) in reply to Da Donkey

    One thing I should point out is that they have been willing to talk to this entire situation with us, both together and individually. I don't feel like I'm completely stepping in since they have come to us with some of the issues.

    And to those that say it doesn't effect me, you could not be more wrong. It effects my wife, which effects me. Even worse is seeing the toll it is taking on my in-laws (I'm closer to them than most in-law situations I've seen).
    Thread Starter
  7. rocket5 rocket5 is offline

    MA
    United States

    Posts: 3,899
    Joined: Mar 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 10:32am) in reply to bwbw80

    It'll probably change for the better just give it a month or two.
  8. (oIo) (oIo) is offline

    Troy, MI
    United States

    Posts: 2,105
    Joined: Feb 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 12:39pm) in reply to rocket5

    the kid is 20. has 2 kids. He sounds like he is incapable of making good decisions. Good thing is, most 20 year olds make bad decisions and they usually grow out of them.

    Sounds like your in-laws need to set some realistic, and, i don't know, empowering?, ground rules appropriate for a 20 year old thats living for free in their house. And they need to hold him to the agreed upon ground rules.

    Sounds like the kid is just immature and needs to realize how he needs to be a father first. Fathers have jobs, work and make sacrifices for their family, not the other way around.
  9. buchiYAYO buchiYAYO is offline

    Hampton, VA
    United States

    Posts: 9,218
    Joined: May 06

    Jan 10th, 2010 (1/10/2010 12:50pm) in reply to bwbw80

    buy him a duffel bag of pot and tell him to figure it out and get out. Thats the last hand out he ever gets
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