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  1. When I'm drunk I do really some really dumb shit that is actually pretty funny once I realize what happened. This happened last night:

    Background: New to Toledo, have a work cell phone and personal cell phone.

    Go to the the bar after meeting some people at my apartment monthly thing, end up hitting it off with this chick. Making out all night at the bar and shit but long story short her cunt feminist friend sucks and nothing happens. The chick lives in the same complex that I do so I still remember to try and get her number. She gives it to me and after a little bit of me laying in bed, I look at my recent call log and start texting the number. I drop like 3 realllly witty lines and hear nothing back, think nothing of it and pass out.

    Wake up and my work phone has 3 brutal sexts from me.

    What have you done that when you look back you just crack up?
    Edited By: krunksteve Feb 13th, 2011 at 06:15 AM
  2. My favorite drunk story I have is meeting a girl at a bar on a business trip in St. Louis. I hid my money because I didn't trust her/don't trust anyone on the road. Long story short, she came up to my room and we messed around for awhile. When she was getting ready to leave I opened up my wallet and I was like where the fuck is my money? She got pissed. She was like if you really think I stole your money here is 60 bux. I said thank you. I really thought she stole it.

    Next morning I find my money plus 60. Pimpin ain't easy.
  3. PM jaybone
  4. I literally have like a 10 book series full of such rediculous stories i should sell the rights to them like kramer to j peterman...

    Quickie off the top of my head-
    I was at the strip club in Sarnia, Ontario ( 19 and over, i was 16) with a coouple buddies, long story short my buddy and i end up wheeling these old/still hot romanian chicks in and instead of going back across the border to our home which was like a 5 minute drive across the border they tell us their not allowed in the U.S. LOL. Obviously we're absolutely wasted at this point and tell them we'll just ride with them and party with them back in TORONTO lol, we both got down but were stuck there for a couple days after they wouldnt drive us back home LOL. This was on like a Tuesday night too so we missed a couple days of school and finally talked some skanks into coming and picking us up in toronto lol.

    (PS. What was funny about your story again OP lol?) no really like i dont get, maybe im just too drunk but i dont see it
    Edited By: NechitaCC Feb 13th, 2011 at 08:59 AM
    Reason: CHAZ
  5. My favorite drunk story is about my late Uncle Jack. He and my dad and their buddies went away on a bowling trip. It was a big money trip. They drove all day to get there. The entry fee was high. They started bowling early in the morning and all turned in for a good night's rest.

    Except Uncle Jack.

    He snuck out and went to a bar. Never went to bed. Showed up at the bowling alley drunk as a skunk.

    They were pissed. They reminded him how much money they spent on the trip.

    Uncle Jack took all of his money out of his pocket and slammed it on the table. Anybody wants to bet can bet high series. They lined up and bet Jack for his whole roll. Which he soon doubled because he rolled 700 something and took everyone's money.
  6. My favorite drunken story was that time I got wasted and did some crazy shit that I didn't feel the need to tell God & Country about. bwahahaha so crazy!
  7.  
    Originally Posted by NechitaCC View Post

    I literally have like a 10 book series full of such rediculous stories i should sell the rights to them like kramer to j peterman...

    Quickie off the top of my head-
    I was at the strip club in Sarnia, Ontario ( 19 and over, i was 16) with a coouple buddies, long story short my buddy and i end up wheeling these old/still hot romanian chicks in and instead of going back across the border to our home which was like a 5 minute drive across the border they tell us their not allowed in the U.S. LOL. Obviously we're absolutely wasted at this point and tell them we'll just ride with them and party with them back in TORONTO lol, we both got down but were stuck there for a couple days after they wouldnt drive us back home LOL. This was on like a Tuesday night too so we missed a couple days of school and finally talked some skanks into coming and picking us up in toronto lol.

    (PS. What was funny about your story again OP lol?) no really like i dont get, maybe im just too drunk but i dont see it



    he texted himself from his other phone
     
  8. Drank bottle of Kentucky Deluxe.

    Fell flat on face in the kitchen.

    Friends carried me upstairs to put me on futon.

    I became conscious and enraged.

    I pointed at everyone and berated their existence.

    Pushed my way through several people and stepped into the hallway.

    Proceed to take off all my clothes, threw them into a pile and took huge piss on my clothes.

    Gave everyone the finger and went to sleep on futon naked.

    WP
  9.  
    Originally Posted by bucketorocks View Post

    Drank bottle of Kentucky Deluxe.

    Fell flat on face in the kitchen.

    Friends carried me upstairs to put me on futon.

    I became conscious and enraged.

    I pointed at everyone and berated their existence.

    Pushed my way through several people and stepped into the hallway.

    Proceed to take off all my clothes, threw them into a pile and took huge piss on my clothes.

    Gave everyone the finger and went to sleep on futon naked.

    WP

    Great story
  10. I posted this one a while back...

    http://www.pocketfives.com/f13/glori...-worth-373979/
  11.  
    Originally Posted by NechitaCC View Post

    I literally have like a 10 book series full of such rediculous stories i should sell the rights to them like kramer to j peterman...

    Quickie off the top of my head-
    I was at the strip club in Sarnia, Ontario ( 19 and over, i was 16) with a coouple buddies, long story short my buddy and i end up wheeling these old/still hot romanian chicks in and instead of going back across the border to our home which was like a 5 minute drive across the border they tell us their not allowed in the U.S. LOL. Obviously we're absolutely wasted at this point and tell them we'll just ride with them and party with them back in TORONTO lol, we both got down but were stuck there for a couple days after they wouldnt drive us back home LOL. This was on like a Tuesday night too so we missed a couple days of school and finally talked some skanks into coming and picking us up in toronto lol.

    (PS. What was funny about your story again OP lol?) no really like i dont get, maybe im just too drunk but i dont see it

    yeah i hope you're drunk because as unfunny as the OP's story was, it has yours dominated
     
  12. i remember my first beer
  13.  
    Originally Posted by NechitaCC View Post

    I literally have like a 10 book series full of such rediculous stories i should sell the rights to them like kramer to j peterman...

    Quickie off the top of my head-
    I was at the strip club in Sarnia, Ontario ( 19 and over, i was 16) with a coouple buddies, long story short my buddy and i end up wheeling these old/still hot romanian chicks in and instead of going back across the border to our home which was like a 5 minute drive across the border they tell us their not allowed in the U.S. LOL. Obviously we're absolutely wasted at this point and tell them we'll just ride with them and party with them back in TORONTO lol, we both got down but were stuck there for a couple days after they wouldnt drive us back home LOL. This was on like a Tuesday night too so we missed a couple days of school and finally talked some skanks into coming and picking us up in toronto lol.

    (PS. What was funny about your story again OP lol?) no really like i dont get, maybe im just too drunk but i dont see it

     
    Originally Posted by SoCalDrew View Post

    yeah i hope you're drunk because as unfunny as the OP's story was, it has yours dominated

    Seriously lol. That was excruciating to read, LOL. Don't like waste your time reading that story, LOL.
  14. In college we use to go to a country bar on Saturday nights that had line dancing and shit until about 11 and then they'd switch it over to top 40 stuff to appease the college kids.

    We decide one Saturday to play the Simpsons drinking game. Just so happens by buddy bought a Texas mickey of Canadian Club that day, so we played the game drinking with rye and gingers that were at least 60/40 rye to ginger. I get fucked one episode where a ton of my 3 and 4 drink characters have tons of lines, so I end up going through about two and a half pints during one 20 min episode (were watching downloaded eps so no commercials).

    I'm completely smashed when we get to the bar. Remember wandering around talking to random cowboys and cowgirls while the line dancing was going on. At some point two of my buddies come get me to do cement mixer shots (take a shot of lemon juice, swirl it around your mouth without swallowing it, then take a shot of bailey's and the two become lumpy in your mouth...most disgusting shot ever -- also called blowjob revenge). I do the shot and just stand there, leaning on the bar for a few seconds. They ask me if I'm ok and I say yeah, for sure. Next thing I know I'm throwing up on the bar (not AT the bar, but literally ON the bar) and turn my head to the left and end up throwing up on some chick standing next to me. Gets all over the ground. Some guy in cowboy boots is walking by, slips in my puke, and takes a tumble. To this day I don't really know how, but I didn't end up getting thrown out, the cowboy didn't pummel me, and the chick just freaked out and left.

    We were out at our campus pub the following Thursday for pub night. I'm fairly sober this time and my friends point this chick out to me and say it's the one I puked on last Saturday. I don't believe them but they convince me. So, I decide to go up to her and apologize. I do so, feeling really bad, telling her how drunk I was, completely expecting her to slap me or throw a drink in my face. She reacts surprising well, says it's no problem and actually gives me a big hug. I quickly think about whether I could take her home, but remember that less than a week ago she had my puke all over her and decide I probably couldn't go through with it.

    To this day I'm very selective as to when I'll drink rye and ginger. Shit fucked me up goot.
    Edited By: Hughester Feb 13th, 2011 at 08:54 PM
  15.  
    Originally Posted by SoCalDrew View Post

    yeah i hope you're drunk because as unfunny as the OP's story was, it has yours dominated

    Sorry was to drunk to realize op said "funny" drunk stories and not most awesomeness drunk stories...
  16. One time my buddy got incredibly wasted at the bar and had this fat chick hanging all over him an he was going for it. It turned out that she lived in the same apartment complex as us so I gave her a ride home. My buddy passed out on the way home and she asked for his number. I gave her the rejection hotline, it was fucking A++++. Anyway, ran into her at the same bar a few months later and she was fucking pissed. I also saw her around the complex a few times and she always glared at me. It was seriously such a clutch play.

    Also, my buddy thanked me for it. I did what any good wingman would do and made the call, she was too fucking nasty for my friend.
  17. lol thank for quoting and commenting everyones stories...makes it much easier to save time =)

     
    Originally Posted by Hughester View Post

    In college we use to go to a country bar on Saturday nights that had line dancing and shit until about 11 and then they'd switch it over to top 40 stuff to appease the college kids.

    We decide one Saturday to play the Simpsons drinking game. Just so happens by buddy bought a Texas mickey of Canadian Club that day, so we played the game drinking with rye and gingers that were at least 60/40 rye to ginger. I get fucked one episode where a ton of my 3 and 4 drink characters have tons of lines, so I end up going through about two and a half pints during one 20 min episode (were watching downloaded eps so no commercials).

    I'm completely smashed when we get to the bar. Remember wandering around talking to random cowboys and cowgirls while the line dancing was going on. At some point two of my buddies come get me to do cement mixer shots (take a shot of lemon juice, swirl it around your mouth without swallowing it, then take a shot of bailey's and the two become lumpy in your mouth...most disgusting shot ever -- also called blowjob revenge). I do the shot and just stand there, leaning on the bar for a few seconds. They ask me if I'm ok and I say yeah, for sure. Next thing I know I'm throwing up on the bar (not AT the bar, but literally ON the bar) and turn my head to the left and end up throwing up on some chick standing next to me. Gets all over the ground. Some guy in cowboy boots is walking by, slips in my puke, and takes a tumble. To this day I don't really know how, but I didn't end up getting thrown out, the cowboy didn't pummel me, and the chick just freaked out and left.

    We were out at our campus pub the following Thursday for pub night. I'm fairly sober this time and my friends point this chick out to me and say it's the one I puked on last Saturday. I don't believe them but they convince me. So, I decide to go up to her and apologize. I do so, feeling really bad, telling her how drunk I was, completely expecting her to slap me or throw a drink in my face. She reacts surprising well, says it's no problem and actually gives me a big hug. I quickly think about whether I could take her home, but remember that less than a week ago she had my puke all over her and decide I probably couldn't go through with it.

    To this day I'm very selective as to when I'll drink rye and ginger. Shit fucked me up goot.

    this had lots of potential. sigh.
  18. Well started off the night with a keg race then went to some bar... Apparently i disappeared for a few hours woke up in my neighbors apartment with shit all over myself naked freezing my ass off in a cold shower....
    there was shit all over the bathroom.. Best part about it is i have never spoke to my neighbor and still haven't.
    Dont leave your door unlocked in a college town dumbass.
  19. - Got plastered at friends

    - Went to bar

    - Picked up girl

    - Got cab home

    - Saw people in my house partying

    - Barged in the front door and started screaming at random people to gtfo my house

    - Guy/Girl ask me how drunk I am, I reply

    - They say they aren't mad but next time remember which house is mine as I decided to crash my neighbors party
    -Sexed girl

    - Sent neighbors a second cup gift basket
  20.  
    Originally Posted by NechitaCC View Post

    Sorry was to drunk to realize op said "funny" drunk stories and not most awesomeness drunk stories...

    didn't mean to offend or anything. i was seriously hoping you were plastered when you wrote that. i can tell by the way it was typed that you thought it was the funniest thing ever but it just didn't come out that way. i'm sure if you soberly typed it out it might make more sense or be much funnier...
     
  21. Not my story but I had a buddy who got all drunk and shit the bed. The next morning he convinced his gf (who was also way sloshed the night before) that she did it an afaik she still believes she shit the bed that night.

    Can't make that shit up, one of the funniest things ever.
  22.  
    Originally Posted by PoWdA View Post

    Not my story but I had a buddy who got all drunk and shit the bed. The next morning he convinced his gf (who was also way sloshed the night before) that she did it an afaik she still believes she shit the bed that night.

    Can't make that shit up, one of the funniest things ever.

    that is quite funny
  23.  
    Originally Posted by SoCalDrew View Post

    didn't mean to offend or anything. i was seriously hoping you were plastered when you wrote that. i can tell by the way it was typed that you thought it was the funniest thing ever but it just didn't come out that way. i'm sure if you soberly typed it out it might make more sense or be much funnier...

    Doubtful lol. Come to think of it there wasnt really anything that funny about the story just didnt see the OP where it said Funny drunk stories. i fail at failing
  24. Just to paint the picture my buddy who this story revolves around doesnt drink much, get laid much, not good at life much. We're having a predrink at my place , about 15 people and he's all pumped up sayin how he has invited this girl to come ov he met in class and he's already put out domers on his night stand lol The girl actually shows up and to my surprise she's actually goodlooking probably an ot 8/10. So like the little noob he is, he's nervous as fuck and starts downing some drinks. He usually a casual 4-5drinks, " cant drink gotta do shit tommorrow" type of guy. He hits about 10 beers in about the 1hr shes there and I know this aint goodnews. Again to my surprise the little fucker's pullin it off and the girls into him. We had just called the cabs when I see him and the girl he's with head to his room. About 5 minutes later I hear him call my name so I walk up the 3 steps and step into his room. At this point he's fucked up and he puts my arm around me and says some shit that doesnt even make sense. Me and the girl exchange wtf looks. He sorta loses his balance and as he's fallin hes lookin for something to grab onto and he ends up grabbin the chicks hair and pulls her down with him. Shit was fucked but I tried my best not to laugh. Obviously he pops up immediately and start apologizing and petting her hair sayin he's sorry and shit, awkward as fuck. She was like uggh its ok it was an accident no harm done. My buddy regains his composure and everything seems back to normal. As im walkin out the door, I turn to him and his girl who are now sittin on the bed and say that the cabs would be here shortly and Ill holla when they get here. At this point my buddy starts the pukin face. His eyes close and he begins convulsing. As soon as I say yo you alright? He starts pukin but has the bright idea of pukin into his beer bottle. It was a complete fail cause he ends up shooting the puke out like a circular water sprinkler. Puke goes in every directions and more importantly hits the girl like right in the chin and cheast. Mayhem insues she begins gagging and shit, he's tryin to apologize and clean her face with his shirt, he's pukes again but now just straight onto his floor while standing and in mid sentence still tryin to apologize. Fast forward a year and 5 months the two just got engaged at Christmas and their weddings planned for June 2012. Funny how life works out.
     
    3
  25. l

     
    Originally Posted by PoWdA View Post

    Not my story but I had a buddy who got all drunk and shit the bed. The next morning he convinced his gf (who was also way sloshed the night before) that she did it an afaik she still believes she shit the bed that night.

    Can't make that shit up, one of the funniest things ever.

    I did the same thing except I peed. A little water on the girls crotch and it was an easy sell. I am now married to the girl, and she still thinks she pissed the bed. This was eight years ago when I was a freshman on college.
    Edited By: bam19 Feb 14th, 2011 at 01:33 AM
  26.  
    Originally Posted by bam19 View Post

    l



    I did the same thing except I peed. A little water on the girls crotch and it was an easy sell. I am now married to the girl, and she still thinks she pissed the bed. This was eight years ago when I was a freshman on college.

    epic imo
  27.  
    Originally Posted by itch1515 View Post

    My favorite drunk story is about my late Uncle Jack. He and my dad and their buddies went away on a bowling trip. It was a big money trip. They drove all day to get there. The entry fee was high. They started bowling early in the morning and all turned in for a good night's rest.

    Except Uncle Jack.

    He snuck out and went to a bar. Never went to bed. Showed up at the bowling alley drunk as a skunk.

    They were pissed. They reminded him how much money they spent on the trip.

    Uncle Jack took all of his money out of his pocket and slammed it on the table. Anybody wants to bet can bet high series. They lined up and bet Jack for his whole roll. Which he soon doubled because he rolled 700 something and took everyone's money.

    Isn't 300 the best score you can get in bowling?

     
    Originally Posted by Lameass_ View Post

    i remember my first beer

    I see someone write this everytime and its never funny and never gonna be fun. Please stop trying
  28. [QUOTE=sirjwab;6096972]Isn't 300 the best score you can get in bowling?

     

    Uncle Jack took all of his money out of his pocket and slammed it on the table. Anybody wants to bet can bet high series. They lined up and bet Jack for his whole roll. Which he soon doubled because he rolled 700 something and took everyone's money.

    Now come on. I don't know shit about bowling, but this must mean best of 3 which would be best of 900.
     
  29.  
    Originally Posted by zspokerpink View Post

    - Got plastered at friends

    - Went to bar

    - Picked up girl

    - Got cab home

    - Saw people in my house partying

    - Barged in the front door and started screaming at random people to gtfo my house

    - Guy/Girl ask me how drunk I am, I reply

    - They say they aren't mad but next time remember which house is mine as I decided to crash my neighbors party
    -Sexed girl

    - Sent neighbors a second cup gift basket

    Good shit
  30. I'm a boring drunk :/
    2

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