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  1. Was just talking with my boss and she was showing me pictures of her friend who is now in a relationship. His wife had died earlier this year (I want to say in January) after committing suicide (she had very bad cancer and no longer wanted her family to see her in such bad condition) and now he's in a new relationship.

    Do you think 5 months is an acceptable time frame when having something like that happen? To me it seems like it's a little too soon, but perhaps I'm being unreasonable.

    If you died, how long would you want your wife/husband to wait before getting with another man/woman?
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  2. I'm dead, it wouldn't matter to me. As long as they were a good person to be around my four kids, thats all that matters to me.
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  3. 1000000% up to the individual. Shitty to judge.

    Personally, I have no idea how I would react if my wife died and no idea how I would "want" her to act. I'd say it's up to her, since I'm gone.
    Edited By: Hoooo Jun 7th, 2010 at 08:30 PM
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  4. it works different with Cancer i think, because odds are she had the cancer for quite a while and its probably easier to move on bc she had been sick for so long, i do know of a few ppl in my town who have moved on pretty quickly from a passing but it was from cancer, i think its different if its like a murder, car accident, etc..... just my 2 cents, and they probably also discussed moving on before she passed as well. Oh and nobody knows what there marriage was like before she passed as well idk

    anyways id want her to be happy and if thats what she wants to do then so be it!
    Edited By: Trent55 Jun 7th, 2010 at 08:34 PM
     
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  5. Reminded me of this poem, I think the last 2 lines are especially relevant

    A Song Of Suicide
    BY
    Robert Service

    Deeming that I were better dead,
    "How shall I kill myself?" I said.
    Thus mooning by the river Seine
    I sought extinction without pain,
    When on a bridge I saw a flash
    Of lingerie and heard a splash . . .
    So as I am a swimmer stout
    I plunged and pulled the poor wretch out.

    The female that I saved? Ah yes,
    To yield the Morgue of one corpse the less,
    Apart from all heroic action,
    Gave me a moral satisfaction.
    was she an old and withered hag,
    Too tired of life to long to lag?
    Ah no, she was so young and fair
    I fell in love with her right there.

    And when she took me to her attic
    Her gratitude was most emphatic.
    A sweet and simple girl she proved,
    Distraught because the man she loved
    In battle his life-blood had shed . . .
    So I, too, told her of my dead,
    The girl who in a garret grey
    Had coughed and coughed her life away.

    Thus as we sought our griefs to smother,
    With kisses we consoled each other . . .
    And there's the ending of my story;
    It wasn't grim, it wasn't gory.
    For comforted were hearts forlorn,
    And from black sorrow joy was born:
    So may our dead dears be forgiving,
    And bless the rapture of the living.
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  6. The thing is that while they are probably not really ready to be in a new relationship, some people NEED to be to get over the one prior. The one who loses is the new significant other because they are getting involved with someone who has an enormous amount of baggage and will definitely end up shitting on them. I dated a girl who had a boyfriend murdered like 6 years prior and she was still a little messed up in the head from it so I got out of it. No baggage FTW.
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  7. My FIL (my best friend) lost his first wife (my husbands mom) when she was 37 to Diabetes. He lost his third wife to cancer a year and a half ago. My FIL is very strong. Some days I do not know how he does it. Losing 2 wives is really hard. I can't imagine my husband dying. I have been with him for almost 13 years now.
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  8. I think people grieve in different ways, so I try not to judge someone's readiness for a new relationship when one has ended (be it by death, divorce, whatever...). Sometimes things just happen that you don't expect. Should you throw away a chance at a happy relationship just because the timing is a little off? I don't think it means that you loved the person you lost any less. I dunno. Just my .02.
    1
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  9. My wife already knows I 'll be checking out the chicks at her wake. Nothing like a little sympathy bang to help me get over her passing. I'd prob be on Craigslist the next day. I've told her to move on when I shit the bed too but she said she would never be with another person.
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  10.  
    Originally Posted by coolhandkev View Post

    The thing is that while they are probably not really ready to be in a new relationship, some people NEED to be to get over the one prior. The one who loses is the new significant other because they are getting involved with someone who has an enormous amount of baggage and will definitely end up shitting on them. I dated a girl who had a boyfriend murdered like 6 years prior and she was still a little messed up in the head from it so I got out of it. No baggage FTW.

    Good point. I was dating a girl who lost her SO in a car accident and she definitely had baggage too. Sometimes things were great, but then there were times where she'd get very distant or she'd start being mean to me I guess just trying to push me away. She'd also randomly go to his grave to spend time. I let her do that cuz I obv knew she was having a hard time and didn't want to get in the way of her grieving process. She turned to be bats#*t crazy though in the end and definitey wasn't worth the time.
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  11. I lost my wife to cancer when I was 27 years old. She was sick for almost a year before passing away. I was able to date, within 4-5 months afterwards but it took me over a year before I was able to look at a serious relationship with anyone. It really is different for every person.
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  12. "...Yeah, she Died.."
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  13.  
    Originally Posted by cizastro View Post

    Was just talking with my boss and she was showing me pictures of her friend who is now in a relationship. His wife had died earlier this year (I want to say in January) after committing suicide (she had very bad cancer and no longer wanted her family to see her in such bad condition) and now he's in a new relationship.

    Do you think 5 months is an acceptable time frame when having something like that happen? To me it seems like it's a little too soon, but perhaps I'm being unreasonable.

    If you died, how long would you want your wife/husband to wait before getting with another man/woman?

    Willing to bet that your boss is the one that's dating the guy that lost his wife. She's probably feeling weird about the situation or maybe having second thoughts about getting involved this soon and was looking to get an objective opinion as to what would be an appropriate "waiting period" for that situation.

    It would be kinda funny if you called the chick who's dating that guy a slut/tramp/bitch/etc...

     
    Originally Posted by rocco20v View Post

    I lost my wife to cancer when I was 27 years old. She was sick for almost a year before passing away. I was able to date, within 4-5 months afterwards but it took me over a year before I was able to look at a serious relationship with anyone. It really is different for every person.

    Condolences, sir. Never easy losing someone. Having it happen at such an early age is just brutal.
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  14. Great replies, esp byut and lefty.

    Now we can focus on when to just get laid vs a relationship.
    Pretty sure I would just be Hugh Hefneresque the rest of my days. Like my grand uncle did. He never remarried and was banging chicks who looked late 30s in his 80s. He is kind of a hero to me. He knew they wanted his money. Hoars.
    Until that day. Long live my wife!*







    *jic.
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  15.  
    Originally Posted by skisteve View Post

    Like my grand uncle did. He never remarried and was banging chicks who looked late 30s in his 80s. He is kind of a hero to me. He knew they wanted his money. Hoars.

    <br />lol<br /><br />any stories about your great uncle?<br />
    Edited By: Hank H1LL Jun 7th, 2010 at 09:27 PM
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  16. as far as the SO getting with a guy/girl,she can do what she wants after i biff it but she needs to get with the girl NOW! right now!
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  17. I watched a few die as chemo partners that were close to my age<27> when I was going thru treatment. Just a horrible situation. I think if it's a guy who survives, go skisteve example. Can't judge it tho no matter what. Kinda eye of the beholder imho.
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  18. I'd actually hope my other half would hook up with someone as soon as possible

    fuck grieving
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  19.  
    Originally Posted by LeftyMark View Post

    My wife already knows I 'll be checking out the chicks at her wake. Nothing like a little sympathy bang to help me get over her passing. I'd prob be on Craigslist the next day. I've told her to move on when I shit the bed too but she said she would never be with another person.

    I gotta buy you a drink some day. It would be great to talk about free enterprise and titties & things.
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  20.  
    Originally Posted by Hank H1LL View Post

    <br />lol<br /><br />any stories about your great uncle?<br />


    Sure, one time I was riding in his car when he was 80 and we are flying about 80 and had to make that exit coming up suddenly, he goes with the aggressive swerve across 2 lanes and cuts off the Pagan biker gang reallllly badly. I thought we were going to die. They didn't stop tho.

    Oh you mean other chick stories like chicks always leaving him because he refused to marry them?
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  21. I thinks its easier to move on after a death then divorce. I mean it took me a long time to not hate woman after my Divorce let alone date one. Yet death, thats not hate, plus she is gone. Get up in the new stuff as fast as possible.
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  22.  
    Originally Posted by skisteve View Post

    Great replies, esp byut and lefty.

    Now we can focus on when to just get laid vs a relationship.
    Pretty sure I would just be Hugh Hefneresque the rest of my days. Like my grand uncle did. He never remarried and was banging chicks who looked late 30s in his 80s. He is kind of a hero to me. He knew they wanted his money.

    this is my life for however long I live once the divorce is final

    I will never marry again. If they don't like it oh well.

    Here's to dying alone in a pool of my own drool, piss, and shit... it sounds so fucking romantic, doesn't it?
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  23.  
    Originally Posted by baughman View Post

    I thinks its easier to move on after a death then divorce. I mean it took me a long time to not hate woman after my Divorce let alone date one. Yet death, thats not hate, plus she is gone. Get up in the new stuff as fast as possible.

    very accurate I would imagine. God that wold obv suck both ways but I see the point clearrrrrly.
    --------------
    unrelated: The staying in good shape thing becomes much more important later in life if you want to ever get laid again. So there's that. At least look healthy and they will assume youre doing well financially too. My granduncle always wore suits pimped out and had a dark tan. ;)
    Edited By: skisteve Jun 8th, 2010 at 03:42 AM
    Reason: GTL baby
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  24. I know when my dog died I felt out of respect for her there should be a 2 month waiting period before getting a new dog. There has to be balance in your thought process too, you gotta think about your future bitch also, if you get the same breed she is going to remind you of your old bitch which isn't fair to her.

    2 months and a different breed imo
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  25.  
    Originally Posted by zeppelinzoso16 View Post

    I know when my dog died I felt out of respect for her there should be a 2 month waiting period before getting a new dog. There has to be balance in your thought process too, you gotta think about your future bitch also, if you get the same breed she is going to remind you of your old bitch which isn't fair to her.

    2 months and a different breed imo

    see, when our dog died, we immed went out and got 2 new dogs to help get through the grief and fill the empty space in our hearts - i don't think we disrespected our first dog by doing this - she could never be replaced - but it helped us move on after her loss

    2 new bitches the next day imo ;)
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  26. Good analysis zepp. Yep I would def have to go anything but a white American chick during this time of greiving, at least as the first one. My wife already knows Salma Hayek is on speed dial. (Ok, a look alike sigh.) I'm rethinking it that maybe 2 look alikes at the same time makes more sense now. God bless.


    P_us
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  27. My mother asked my dad one time if she died, would he ever get remarried and he told her he'd "have to - how else would I have a pressed shirt for her funeral". I don't think she thought that line was as funny as he did, but he's always got plenty of dress shirts hung up in the closet at any given time, now.

    It's all up to the individual, I would think. I'm not good at getting over serious relationships until I'm dipping my pen in the ink, and I would think the last few years you were with someone who was struggling with disease, addiction, depression, etc. that was taking their life - it would make the time frame for finding a happy healthy person to bring you some joy, easier.
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  28. i think moving on after something like that is really individual. it might seem soon to you, but maybe this new relationship gave the man hope to go on.

    personally, i can't even imagine my life if something happened to my husband, and i doubt i would move on. i think i'd just be one of those crazy widows that live by themselves in a big house and garden all the time in big sun hats... BUT if something happened to me, i'd want him to find someone and be happy, even if it was quickly. i'd want to know that someone was taking care of him and spoiling him like i do/did.
     
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  29. Cool story cdmalgee lollll.

    In reality, I'm sure I would wait a few years to ever go on a REAL date where I want to get to know someone to go into a relationship with. Realistically, I would just feel deadened to giving a crap about someone else yet on the level requires because of the exhaustion of it a death and the emptyness now from giving my all.
    Quick cheap sex to deaden that pain would he the only reason I would be involved on any level with a woman I didn't already know. It's me time, not her time. Relationships are caring about someone else fully or you're wasting your time and theirrrrrrrs. Be fair to others. Be honest with yourself. Tell them "I'm just here for the gangbang." not being misled still gets you laid lol.
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  30. I would want my wife to be happy. Whatever she does to be that way once I'm gone is fine with me.

    For me, I have no way to answer the question. Depending on the circumstances, I may never be ready to emotionally invest in myself again. Or I may want to fuck the lady delivering flowers to the funeral home.
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