i really just feel like venting right now. my father was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about 6 years ago. one of a few bad breaks he has had.

he was born in 1934 from a irish/german parents. he had 8 brothers and sisters, and was close with all of them even when some moved away. they were from nyc, most moved to long island, a couple out west. he thought long island was too crowded so he moved 2 hours north but still worked in the city. he got married in 1963 and had my brother in 1971 and me in 1976. he was almost 42 when i was born, my mom was 39. she wasen't supposed to have kids but ended up having 2.

in 1984 he was hit my a drunk driver, some dumb kid driving around about 9 in the morning, and he was still drunk from the night before. he crashed into my dads work car and drove away. they found him, but he got a slap on the wrist and my father got to live the rest of his days in awful pain. the crash ruptured 10 disks in his back and he had 3 surgeries on his back. he never worked again and always had pain. he never took pain killers and always had to sleep in a chair because lying down hurt to much. he was a tough son of a bitch. he is allergic to novocain, and when he had a tooth ach, the dentist said he diden't have anything else to numb it, my dad made him pull the tooth with nothing, like i said tough.

but he was also the nicest guy anyone has met. i have never heard anyone say a bad word about him. tough and gentle is the 2 words that people used the most to describe him. when my mother was dianosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma around 89, he did his share of raising us. he would drive my mom 2 hours to the city to get treatment , made sure me and my brother were fed, up for school, and still gave us the chance to be kids. never once did he complain about it.he always too things in stride.

he had a heart attack in 1993 at the dinner table. ended up have bypass surgery. he made it through ok. i remember helping him put his support stockings on, he diden't let my mom do it, he said i did it better, i was proud.

all the while he would show me things. he was an electrican by trade but he could do anything, plumbing, carpentry, cars, you name it. he would also do a lot of the cooking and laundry while i was growing up. everytime i built or fixed things, he would be a wachful eye over my shoulder. when put a new roof on my parents house a couple years ago, he told me how proud he was of me. i learned it all from him.

in 03 he fainted. that is when he was told he had CHF. my dad said ok, then went on with the bussiness of living. he acted like it was just something to be delt with and to move on. a year later he was diagnosed with colon cancer. the doc at sloan said surgery would be risky with his heart condition. doc said he prob had about 4 years before the cancer would get him and maybe should just enjoy his last years. my dad was hearing none of that and said to cut it out. he made it out well, and they got it all and no chemo.

about 2 years ago he started getting bad. he would faint more and started retaining water. he coulden't walk too well, so he went from a cane, to a walker, to a jazzy scooter. he got open sores on his legs that would leak water and his stomach would get bloated. he kept on wanting treatment. he would go to the hospital and the would drain the water, and a few months later he would be back. one time they took off 60 pounds of water in a visit. the doctors talked hospice, but he said he still wanted to live.

fast foward last week. i come over on sat. and my dad looks bad. his hand were shaking and he diden't feel good. my mother said she wanted to call an ambulance but he said he was fine, he'd fight it off. me and my bro got him to agree to go. the hospital said he had a blood infection. they said he may not last the night. i slept in his room the night. there was no change, but he was getting iv antibiotics. the next day he was still out of it. i slept there again and would move his chair if he looked uncomfortable or give him ice chips. on the third day i was talking to the nurse when he snapped out of it. he started talking up a storm, even if his voice was weak. the next day he was even better, eating and drinking on his own. i stayed there the whole time enjoying him again. but his kidneys pretty much shut down from the infection and they were not getting better.

he started going back downhill quick. yesterday they started giving him morphine and some strong medicine to get his kidneys going, but the big problem was his heart was barley working from the heart failure so they coulden't do that much. today they said he prob won't make it till tommorow. his breathing his shallow and he had no awareness at all. his eyes are glased over and his mouth is hanging open. he dosen't have long.

i don't care if anyone reads this or not but i had to write it.my stomach is in knots as i try to hold back tears. i just brought my mom home to sleep and i am heading back up. i don't want him to go but i hate to see him like this. he is on a morphine drip now, so he should not be in pain at least. i just want him back as he was a few years ago and i wish i could relive those days. not just saying this cause he is dying, i have said it for years. he is the greatest man i have ever known.

edit- he passed away this morning at 9:00

sorry bro

sorry to here man, best of luck to you and your family

 

Originally Posted by skreechamane

brings a tear to my eyes man, sorry to hear, just keep your head up and remember all the good times you had with him.

One of the biggest regrets that I've had in my life was that I not around when my mother passed away from cancer. I was going to visit her for the last time on a Friday, and I am convinced to this day that she asked her hospice worker to give her medication to help her pass because she either couldn't handle saying goodbye or she was protecting us from having to say goodbye. She passed on that Thursday and I wasn't there to say goodbye and tell her one last time that I loved her.

Your father sounds like a helluva guy that you both love and respect.

Make sure he knows that you think of him this way. And if you've told him that before - tell him again. And just be there.

Read all of it. Sounds like you love your father a great deal and I'm sure he is very very proud of you.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Originally Posted by paulpete

sorry to hear that man...he does sound like a great man

:(

there's nothing anyone can say to make this better for you, but your father seems like an incredible person that anyone would be extremely proud to have been raised by. i hope his remaining time is as comfortable as possible, and i wish you and your family all the best through the time ahead

My grandpa had congestive heart failure and he passed away in 2007. Telling your story brought back so many memories, both good and bad. I never once heard him complain. I'm glad you have been able to spend so much time with him and I know he appreciates it. Nobody should have to die alone. I'm praying for you and your father.

I'm sure if anyone on the OT that took the time to read your situation is praying for your family to handle this well. Just live your life in honor of the people who meant the most to you.. Don't let him down.. Take care and god bless

Fuck. Sorry man. Thoughts are with you.

Dude, I still have chill bumps after reading about your Dad's situation. It is eerily similar to the same situation I went through with my Dad. Really, the only difference is the colon cancer. He never went through that part. The toughness, intelligence, CHF, water retention, and blood and kidney infections are all things my Dad went through. It is extremely tough to see someone you love go through all that stuff. I feel for you man. Just cherish what time you have left with him and know that maybe it's time for him to be pain free. My dad used to smoke a little herb to help with the pain he had in his joints. He would ask me to get it for him, and while I didn't smoke it, I got him as much as he wanted whenever he wanted. He said that of all the meds he had take, that was the only thing that gave him a few hours without pain. Again man, I'm sorry to hear and wish you and your family the best.

I cant even imagine what life would be like without my father. And I work with him and fight with him every single time I see him. I love him and hes my best friend

My prayers are with you

Wow man I'm sorry. I just said a prayer for you. Be strong.

 

Originally Posted by p00pymcp00perton

Im sorry to hear this. He sounds like a great guy and I'm more than certain you've made him proud to be your father.

Couldn't have said it any better. Good luck, Sol.