I understand about loyalty, OP, so I can definitely see your side of it. But I can also see the other side of it as well. You really can't dictate to your friends who they can and can't be friends with/hang out with. You just have to decide if it's worth it to you to remain friends with them given the circumstances. There are plenty of people in the world to befriend, you know? Make some new/better/more loyal ones if it really bothers you.

Now, not to derail the thread, but I have a related question if anyone is interested in answering it also.

What if it's a similar situation, but with your significant other and a friend or family member is not treating them with respect? What do you do? Do you stop being friends with them or hanging out with them? I realize you can't do that with family, but who takes priority? I'm pretty much of the mindset that if my family doesn't treat my sig other with respect and civility, then they don't get to see me as much. Then again, my family is the type that feel "if the person is ok with you, they're ok with us". They may give input if they have concerns, but that's about it. Same with my friends.

serially tho...need ages of those involved

I have a feeling that there are two sides to this story. I feel like your girl was probably being annoying at this party so everyone wanted her to leave and you were with her so you had to go to. You don't see it that way obviously because she is your girl.

If Brent and Sean had an extra ticket to the Cards' World Series game, I doubt they would call you first. Some friends are better than others. Time to move on and accept or reject them as they are.

 

Originally Posted by XXEDPXX

i wouldnt say stop hanging out with them completely if you still wanna be friends. just know their role and treat them accordingly. go as far for them as they'd go for you.

This seems like good advice. People change. It sucks when your best friends change on you after you have known them for so long.

 

Originally Posted by XXEDPXX

i wouldnt say stop hanging out with them completely if you still wanna be friends. just know their role and treat them accordingly. go as far for them as they'd go for you.

Really good advice. Don't lean on them for anything and realize that your friendship has changed.

thanks for all the advice, XXEDPXX's is prob the best and pretty much the route im going. Never really bring the night up to them because im pretty over it, and it does annoy me a little that they hang out with Alan, but id be insanely shocked if they stopped chilling with him ever so I pretty much expected it to play out just like this.

Im not gonna just remove them from my life because I like hanging out with them, but definitely going to treat them differently. Like someone said, if either of them had an extra ticket to a World Series game, im almost positive Brent wouldn't call me, and prob 60-40 Sean wouldn't either, when if reversed Id call my buddy Derek first, and then Nate, and then one of these two.

And my girl was maybe being a little annoying, but when some dude is being a creeper and she's just trying to tell her boyfriend what happend, i don't see how that is annoying or warrants being asked to "get the fuck out"

and to kellykip, id have to be really drunk to swing on this kid. I def know Sean and Brent wouldn't jump in and fight me, but as described i dunno if theyd break up or have my back in a fight especially vs another friend. And this kid probably has 80 pounds on me and works out regularly. id say hes 5'10-5'11 220ish, im 5'9-5'10 140ish. Id be lucky to get one good hit in before most likely getting my ass beat.

and im almost 25, so i was almost 23 at the time of incident.

again, i agree with some of you i may be acting like a little bit of a bitch, but when i put myself in their shoes, I woulda had their back in every instant as well as insta told Alan unless he makes it right we aint boys. I understand people aren't like me and don't react the same way, and it doesn't bother me a ton. When they tell a story about doing whatever with Alan I don't really care, but the thought usually crosses my mind that I woulda done things differently if i was them.

So in the end, im definitely gonna still hang out with them, but gonna put our friendships in perspective and act accordingly. Prob will hang out with them with Alan eventually and see what happens, but pretty over the situation i guess.

thanks again for the advice

Guess nobody wants to answer my question :( Oh well.

 

Originally Posted by Willywoo

If Brent and Sean had an extra ticket to the Cards' World Series game, I doubt they would call you first. Some friends are better than others. Time to move on and accept or reject them as they are.

This is a much more efficient use of words than mine.

 

Originally Posted by kellykip

Anyone who chose that moment to try to come up with a B Movie catchphrase is definitely a smarmy little pussy. He knew he wasn't man enough to just say what he wanted to say in a direct way.

I'd be pissed that my 'boys' would ever want to hang out with him. You are never gonna have peace of mind until you get to hit Alan. Since you can't just hit him now unprovoked without this rich little bitch narcing on you, I'd go along next time Brent and Sean invite you to hang - a couple of drinks into the night you can start pushing Alan's buttons, and as soon as he gives you the slightest opening, just smash him in the jaw. I'm not kidding - if you let this slide it's gonna bother you forever.

If you are really as immature as you sound in your post i say take this advice. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Get even with Alan and if your friends try to stop you then you know where you stand with them.

Since you are 25, married and have a kid my advice would be to let this shit go. Stop being a chick and holding grudges.

honestly

you have a kid now. its time to move on from people like this.

would you want your kid to hang out with people like this?

this is a conversation for a non parent to have.

there is no middle ground fuk these people as you have a new found responsibility now

ect.ect...

5'10 - 140 bro come on you gotta put on some weight there unless your trained

Quit being a fucking pussy and own your own shit. My fucking god man. You are mad at your friends for not jumping in on a fight where you were fighting over a girl? I mean, you started that shit by getting a BJ, you deal with it. My fucking god are you kidding me? WTF you want everyone else in the world to fight your battles for you and pick up the pieces and accept the burden of every fucking mistake you make? That shit makes me sick to think you would expect ANYTHING from your friends. You dug your own grave on that one, your attitude about these scenarios is loltastic and sad and just screams giant pussy.

As far as this dude, "Alan." Be a big boy. Either confront him on it or be a bitch about it and never say anything and be mad at your friends forever. And I am not saying that walking away wasn't the right decision but if that is the decision you made you need to fucking own it and be okay with your decision. I mean, wtf do you want? Someone to tell you everything is going to be okay and kiss your ass or something? I mean WTF?

If I were your friend I would tell you to man the fuck up and slap you in the face. You remind my of Lou from Hot Tub Time Machine. FFS stick up for yourself and own up to the decisions you make for christ sake.

My god man.

To answer your question: you are a bitch.

 

Originally Posted by ECUgirl

Guess nobody wants to answer my question :( Oh well.

they are not disrespecting your other half. they are disrespecting YOU!

its okay to forgive but at the same time say no to further disrespect, pain, aggrivation, drama. take a stand against the bad behavior and mean it imo.