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## how an obese black woman saved me from being raped by four of jerry's kids

1. There's math involved in this story, and its not all that cool, just a forewarning because my title is misleadingly awesome

I owe my dad a bit of cash, 1800\$ to be exact, I came home for vacation this week and brought 800 to kick towards the cause, planning on leaving still owing him 1k.

We went to kennywood today and were in line waiting for the black widow:

we get to discussing how long we'll be waiting, and since we're both degenerates it turns into a bet discussion... he says its gonna be six runs of the ride before we're on and wants to bet 20\$, I tell him I want to watch a run and see what's what before I make the bet

so I start to count how many seats are on the ride itself, I estimated 50 but really couldnt get a clear view, then i climb on the rail and try and get a quick head count of the people in my row, he tells me I have until the end of the next run to book the bet because it wouldnt be fair if I just sat there and counted for an hour... it was those back and forth maze deals, two of them, split by a small wooded area, so getting an exact count was out of the question even with infinite time, I did what I could and realized I was gonna smoke him on the 20\$ bad, he's really arrogant about his side of the deal though and it was clear I could wax him for much more than 20\$.

My quick estimate was that there were about 20 people in the row I could see, six rows behind that of similar size, and then a final stretch that held at least 15, so there was somewhere near 135 people ahead of us. So if my math was correct, I had a 15 person buffer on betting 3 runs and we're on. I only had a minute or so to do my counting, and clearly in those line situations people arent standing in evenly spaced single file, so calling my count even a rough estimate is a little ambitious. But I knew I could smoke him on odds because his six run stance was out of control, I ask him what he'll give me on 3 runs, and he says 5:1 on any amount. I book it for 200, which if I win, would be combined with my 800 I already intended to pay, and get me all squared up with the loan, but I know it's going to be really fucking close. We added that if our party of 3 was split, like one or two got on but the third didnt, the bet was void.

Waiting in line was great because everyone around was nervous about going on the ride, but I'm 10x as nervous about the bet, because losing that 200 was out of the question.

After one run I panic, it just didnt seem to dent the line, I start offering to buy out of the bet and he's just laughing at me telling me no way, I try and count the people in front of us and I counted 107, with two runs to go at 50 a pop, I'm fucked, but then a group of people 5 people in front of me bail and I get a glimpse of hope, after the next run I really had no clue where I stood, there were people just all over the place and I couldnt get any sort of count, as the third ride starts to board we're both nervous as fuck, much more so than the 9 year old girl in front of us who was about to be catapulted 400 feet nto the air and spun around.

We get right to the gate and I've got it made, I see a handful of seats and we're there, I turn around and begin a victory moon walk through the chain but the guy halts me, and from across the way, four of the most retarded looking people I've ever seen were coming in through the exit line, getting a free pass because god short changed them long ago and they had foreheads like trucks. My old man is fucking living it up, i was literally walking through the line and the guy shut the chain and I backed into it, couldn't have been more ridiculous, I start making a lot of noise, demanding that I get access, at this point all I need to do is get on for a chop, winning is out of the question.

I pull the guy aside and tell him I'll give him 50\$ if he lets me on, he says he cant do it, I'm starting to get belligerent, it was just too fucked up to accept, then, in a moment when all hope seemed loss, a morbidly obese black woman lowers her head in shame, she's too fat to close the harness, it had to be a terrible moment in her life, but I was ecstatic, if I would have had the time i would have bought her a whole mess of corn dogs. I tell the guy to open the chain but he says he cant, I explain the whole situation rapidly, probably looking like a lunatic, but it was clear I wasnt letting that thing lift off with an empty seat, they decided it wasnt worth the fight, gave in and re-opened the gate for me.

Low and behold, I get the seat right next to the four retards that cost me 1k\$, I was just staring daggers at them the whole time, I dont think any of us enjoyed the ride.
2. Great title, decent story.

3. lol. great title to thread

5. lol. not bad. much better than I expected
6. Should've just offered the guy in the front of the line \$100 to switch spots with you if you were going to pay someone to get you on anyways, then at worst you break even from the get-go.
7. lool @ a whole mess of corndogs.
8. "you say potato..."
9. fucking hilarious
10. A+
11. It woulda been better if the loser had to go up to the fat black lady, and hand her a handmade 'coupon' for 'Redeemable For One (1) Free Box Munching' with your cell number written on the bottom.
12. i like you man, you're crazy, but i like you.
13. i doubt i'd go on that. i'm not a big fan of spinny rides.
14. good story man, great thread title

lol at mess of corndogs
15. awesome story! i thought i posted this already but apparently it didn't take...
16. If any story* ever called for an xtranormal video, it's this one. A++++++
Edited By: Magnet Steve Aug 16th, 2012 at 04:01 AM
Reason: *abridged
17. Haha. Funny
18. Definitely A++++
19. Raiden needs to make a comeback and create an mspaint video for this
Edited By: TheWacoKidd Aug 16th, 2012 at 06:05 AM
20. Good shit! Doubt she could've waddled more than 150-200ft before you got off for the mess of corn dogs.

Should've bet how far she would be for double or nothing.
21. buddy clearly paid the carney 60 to not let you on. i was so hoping this thread was going to be about a gang rape by a group of retarded people
22.
##### Originally Posted by downbylaw11

i was so hoping this thread was going to be about a gang rape by a group of retarded people

23. loooooool what an awesome story
24.
##### Originally Posted by Magnet Steve

If any story* ever called for an xtranormal video, it's this one. A++++++

embed fail, dunno why i cant get it. made it fairly quick, not my best work, but it should be good for some lulz. someone should imbed.
Edited By: quietwinner Aug 16th, 2012 at 11:18 AM

apparently i cant embed either
Edited By: djg23 Aug 16th, 2012 at 01:38 PM

My close friend is military disabled and when we go to any amusement park we walk up the exits and cut everybody in line. I could never wait in line at these parks. How I feel like a big shot while doing the cutting is beyond me, but it's a cool feeling.
27. lol awesome, you were already crawling up my top poster ranks this thread definitely cemented you in the top 5, great stuff and told perfectly

me and my friends do the same shit, everything turns into a bet I like it that way
28.
##### Originally Posted by quietwinner

embed fail, dunno why i cant get it. made it fairly quick, not my best work, but it should be good for some lulz. someone should imbed.

Lol awesome, that was the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. Was funny reliving it.