Alright so over the past week or so me and my GF have been fighting a lot and we actually are not together right now after almost 2 years. We started to talk and we hung out and were working on everything a couple days ago and it was going well we were happy kind of again, and I thought it was going to work out. Then my good friends GF who was best friends with my GF but they arent as good of friends anymore, starts running her mouth to my GF about the night I went over to my buddies and was saying stuff like I wanted to fuck this girl I used to talk to and everything. (this girl starts sooo much drama no one likes her) So my GF obviously gets pissed and doesnt want to talk to me anymore. But the thing is I never said any of that and the girl actualy admitted that to my friend so she needs to take it all back and fix shit.
A day goes by and we started talking again and stuff and Im just trying to be there for her and I want to fix everything that I do wrong in our relationship and make her the happiest person in the world I really do, I love her to death, but shes being like she doesnt know what she wants and she doesnt know if she wants to be in a relationship and doesnt know if she can do all this anymore.
We have gotten in fights before and we have talked it out and decided we need to do this this and that, and I will do it and Im happy to but for the past almost 8 months it seems like even if I do act like that I get nothing in return, so then I stop putting myself out there and we fall right back into that rut. But I honestly just want us to actually work on things togethe instead of just me or just her.
Ok thats the background sort of. We are also on the same phone plan and she has been saying that shes going to get off of it and get a different phone and stuff. So I went to eat tonight at Ale House where she works with my roomate but I knew she wasnt working she said she was sleeping thats why she didnt come over tonight, and her friend Andrea was our server who I am also friends with and I found out by just shooting the shit, that she already went and got a new number and phone and everything and she hadnt even told me, shes just been talking to me on her phone I thought she had. So i was really pissed she didnt tell me, so I call her and she will not answer and she texts me like how did you get my number who gave it to you, and I just said baby just pick up I just want to talk to you, and she refuses, so now I dont know what else she is lying to me about, so I dont think that shes at home. So I went and drove by her house and wouldnt you know it she isnt at home sleeping.
I was so hurt by this, she finally picked up her phone and she was like im with Gia and Jess (2 of her friends) and shes in a car and shes like we just went to mcdonalds, which I dont believe, but Gia and Jess live RIGHt NEXT TO ME, and she can go there but cant come over. So she lied about those things to me and she said she just didnt want to deal with everything right now and that we could talk tomorrow, and im just like well why can you go over there but cant come over here and we can just watch a movie or something, and shes just like idk i just dont want to i dont know if I want to do this.
I know that she also lied to me about going to a formal for her sorrority a couple days ago, she said it was a dinner for her friend, but i just found out that she went to the formal which she told me she wasnt going to cause she didnt want to and that she didnt have enough points or something for. But I find out that she went, which hurts me sooo much Im seriously broken right now. At this point I dont even know if she lied to me about anything else over the past 2 weeks or so but im just so broken.
We talked on the phone tonight for like 5 minutes and I actually broke down during our conversation (go ahead call me a puss I dont care I love this girl with all my heart and ive been with her for 2 years) and shes just like no im not coming over ill come over in the morning yada yada, which is cool but im a mess right now, she said she was going to sleep but i dont even know what the hell she could be doing.
OT what do I do I need advice and seriously you guys when it counts do give some good advice.
-Me and GF got in fight broke up after 2 years
-start talking again its looking good (her friend fucks it up royally by making shit up)
-i find out she lied to me about a lot of things over the past week or so today
-she says she doesnt know what she wants or whatever right now
-im a mess and love her unconditionally and really just wat to make her happy and be happy together.
Alright there it is, give me some input!!!!
this song just help you out..listen to the words...
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(i only read cliff notes)
let shit settle for a bit, ie dont talk to her. then call her up after u both calm down, maybe a few days, talk stuff over
just my opinion
Maybe she doesn't like you anymore because she found out that you're really bad at using proper punctuation.
Sounds like she is still hiding some stuff. Give her a day or so and then let her get everything out, you may not want to be with her if she has shit going on. Her going to the formal and not telling you is very shady. Best of Luck
Yeah well were going to talk tomorrow and I hope she actually tells me everything. This is so gay seriously I feel like I have a whole in my chest
This is pretty standard for long term relationships at age 19... she's not talking to you because she doesn't want to face the facts-- this is why she believed her friend about the shit you said, she's just looking for an excuse to take a break because she can't say it to your face.
Honestly, you're 19, and you probably can't understand this with your mindstate now, but the "other fish in the sea" cliche is true. This is most likely for the better. Do you go to college or plan to? You will see plenty of fresh jugs there that will be tempting to break the monotony of your juvenile relationship.
If you keep nagging her and thinking of her it will get worse. The best you can do is ignore her and move on, esp if she's lying and shit. She won't pay attention to you again until you ignore her, that's how girls work. Wait till you start seeing someone else, and she'll call you in a rage one day about you moving on too fast, and the next she will be begging you to get back together. Don't try and rub anything in her face about seeing new girls though, that's just immature and mean.
And if that doesn't work, just go listen to some emo and cry in your pillow. Sunny Day Real Estate - Diary is a classic break up with your girl at age 19 album.
Besides, your friends and socializing with groups of people is much more important than one girl who lies to you.
- Dr. Snipes
Ok, i feel bad so i'll give my real response.
I'm sort of in a similar situation. I dated this girl for 2 years. I actually moved from Southern California back to Illinois to be with her (she moved back here from NYC). Things were perfect for the first year. We got an apartment and moved in together last fall. That's when we started arguing a lot more. Last Christmas we decided that the two of us living together was killing the relationship so she moved in with some girls down the street. We still spent a ton of time together but by April we had both started dating other people.
I missed her terribly and she felt the same way so sometime in early June we got back together and spent all summer together. I hated the town that we moved to together so I made plans to move closer to St Louis (in May). So, 3 months ago we decided we would try the long distance thing (about 2 hours apart) and drive to see each other every chance we got. That didn't work out well at all. We fought more than ever. We were both really jealous and paranoid about what the other was doing all the time, so we ended the whole thing.
I think I realize now that there's no way we can ever be happy together but neither one of us is willing to accept it. We try not to talk to each other but always end up sending drunken texts when we go out and end up talking. Getting over a relationship that has lasted this long when you really care about the girl is so tough. I've been dealing with this off and on since last December when we initially broke up. I've talked to friends and family, I've seen other girls, I've ignored her... nothing worked.
As for your situation, if you think there is any chance you can make it work in the long run, then you should go for it and do whatever it takes to make it work. But, if she's already out and doing sneaky shit, then maybe its best to realize that there are literally millions of other girls in the world and you would be better off finding one that is more trustworthy. Good luck bro, stay up. Feel free to chat with me on AIM... revolcisum729
Im in college and yeah there is a lot of girls around and I know what your saying. But you also know what Im sayign that I want to b with her and that I love here. You know what im saying.
Dude, you have to flip a 180 here and when she comes over tomorrow, man up and act like absolutely none of this bothers you. THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY TO GET HER HOOKED. Even say things like "I'm over everything and all this drama over stuff i didn't even say(like the wanting to fuck the other girl)." Even act pissed at her about everything. This will make her feel like she's the one at fault and that you're the good guy and she fucked everything up.
On a second note, man the fuck up for good, you sound like a whiny needy lil baby...chicks don't like that shit. Balls reattach immediately!
Well I already did act all pissed off and stuff at her about this. BUt yeah I know what your saying, I appreciate everyones input im prolly going to throw it all together and pull out all the stops tomorrow to try and show her that I mean everythign im saying and that Im not just boulshitting
to add to my previous post... in my experience girls love knowing they have the power to make a man cry. so try to be tough and like somebody said earlier, don't let her know how much it hurts you.
You got to man up. I've been in your shoes before and it fucking sucks man. I know. You have to show her that you are confident. Quit being a broken down, depressed wuss. lol. Seriously, make it seem to her that you are fine with or without her, but also make it clear that you only want to be with her. I'm might be way off but don't be suprised at all if there is another guy shes fuckin around with that you don't know about. Just trying to give you a heads up. If thats the case move on. You seem like you are the stalker type so don't pull any psycho shit on her. You are in a shitty spot. Good luck brutha. PM me with results.
Dude, no offense but you sound like a stalker.
It's actually scary that you would call a woman's number when she didn't give it to you.
So she's pissed at you, you appear as a clingy creep, and you wonder why she won't come over?
Just move on, you'll never fix this.
She doesn't love you anymore, that's life.
Sorry to say man but this relationship is over. I have gone through the same thing several times and It will never work no matter how much you try. She is always going to be telling you that you are doing something wrong - and you are always going to be trying to fix it. This is no way to live your life. Time to cut and run. And go try to fuck the girl that you were talking about. Don't deny that because you know your girlfriends friend is telling the truth.
Do you really want to be the only one in the relationship that wants to be there? It sounds like she just doesn't have the balls to tell you to fuck off and you are taking it as a sign there is still some hope of getting back together. Make up an excuse as to why you can't meet her tomorrow before she does. You should avoid any indirect contact (talking to her friends) for at least a week so she doesn't think you are a stalker.
Most people at your age have a similar experience where the first serious relationship feels like a lot of pressure because all of her friends are going out and hooking up with new people all the time and she feels like she is missing out on being young by being in a relationship.
Like everyone else has said, realise there are plenty of other girls out there, many of whom will be better than this girl. Nothing like an experienced woman to teach you a thing or two.
Hey man, first and foremost i can 100% identify with your situation. It happened to me in 3 out of the 4 long relationships I've been in. I'm 25, and I've basically been in relationships non stop since i was 15 - and I can tell you from personal experience that once it gets to the point that your describing above - with the shadyness, the "sugar coating", the avoidance, the lack of communication, and the deception - that it's pretty much over, man. I tried to work it out with all 3 of the girls who started acting EXACTLY like you described, and each time, it was just a temporary solution to a permanent problem - you're just prolonging the inevitable.
So to sum up, the odds of the relationship working out in the end, based on the information you've provided, is very slim. If this situation were a poker hand, you're pretty much facing a 2 outer with one card left to come.
This might hurt like HELL, but you have to let her go man. I don't know if this is your first heartbreak, but in all likelyhood it won't be your last. And that probably won't be your last either. That's just how life is now. This isn't the 50s anymore. High school sweethearts rarely stay together. Society just isn't wired that way anymore.
So you guys are basicly broke up, and your trying to find out if it can work or not? Who cares what she is doing when you are broke up. You are broke up! She doesnt have to tell you the truth about shit if your not together.
You are really coming across ,close to being a stalker. I would just end it and take sometime to be by yourself for awhile. Dont call her, dont go to her work. Dont do any of the things you think you want to do by talking to her.
Really this shit creeps me out all the time when I see guys and girls do this.
She is doing nothing wrong and you are acting like she has turned into a total lieing whore.
Your not together and she is trying to get on with her life.
I wouldnt even let her come over in the morning. Call it quits from your end because she already has at her end.
Hit it (one last time), quit it, and forget it. You're too young for all this drama. The sooner you get out and have some fun without her, the sooner you'll realise you were just infatuated with her. If you do get out, have fun, date other girls, and still feel that you really only want to be with this girl, then you can always go back and try to work through any drama that remains.
This woman is in transition and is using you to ease that transistion. It is over and the only way you will feel decent about the end is to take control of the situation. You have choices here and your best is to stop communicating with her and be done with it. You take control by deciding you are not going to see or talk to her (or fuck her) anymore. The relationship is NEVER going to work out or be like it was.
Your other choice is to continue to be available for her until she decides she doesn't need you anymore (when she starts letting some other dude hit it and HE doesn't want you in the picture).
I havent read any of the responses so I apologize if I repeat anything they may have said....
As hard as it is to hear... she has met someone else, maybe they arent serious, and nothing has happened, but she wants the chance to check out other people, thats why she got a new phone, seems your relationship has gone from highschool or soon after right into college, she wants to explore, not be tied into a relationship, and doesnt have the guts to say it. She knows you care very deeply for her, this is easier than hurting you to your face.
She has been trying to find an excuse to use to push the blame of things "not working out" onto you, to make herself feel better about it. Its time for a break... its gonna hurt, but you have to let her go, the more you try to make her "see" how things can be, or how much you care, is going to start to become annoying and it will cause you to never have a chance. Let her be, let her see whats out there, hopefully she will compare everyone to you, and they wont stack up and eventually things btwn the two of you can kinda work out. They wont if you dont give her a clean break now. Dont ruin the possiblility of getting back together in the future, because your heart is breaking so much right now.
Be civil, be polite, no bad mouthing in the heat of the moment. Agree to a break... and dont pester her, or become a crazy ex. Be there, pretty soon the phone calls will start, the I kinda miss you moments, and if its meant to be it will all work itself out.
Until then, have fun with friends, focus on school, working out, your job, whatever just stay busy.
Hey man I think a lot of people can relate to your situation and theres some good advice in some of the replys I read. Its a really terrible feeling what you are going through and I, along with many people, have been there.
TAKE THIS ADVICE: Like people have said you need to lay off a little bit. Its obvious that shes distancing herself and you have to let her. Calling and pressuring her to come is not going to help the situation it will just make it worse. Regardless of how tough it is you have to keep your emotions under control. You also have to realize that it might be over.
Was with girl in college for 3 years and we broke up. Was real down about it and my instinct was to take this approach and call her and convince her that we were right together. Me and my boss go to happy hour after work and we start talking and he basically gives me the above advice with much more detail and drawing on life experience and what not. He tells me to go out have a good time, have fun with my roommates, and just enjoy life. So it took a week or two but I took this mentality and started going out a lot and having fun with life and college. When I would talk to her even if I wanted to tell her everything I would be brief and semi-abrasive. Not rude but very curt in my responses. Were broken up for 6 months and I was even dating someone else and the ex even saw us out. When the other girl fizzled we started to talk again and she told me everything and now it was HER that was telling ME how much she missed me and how she was having problems sleeping bc she was so unhappy. We took it slow and got back together and are going strong and are planning to get married within the next couple of years. She needed to get out there and we both did our thing and realized we belong together.
I am also 24 now and you are only 19. No matter how rough it is you have to put your best face on and just enjoy life man. Dont think about it and go out with your friends and try and hook up with other chicks and enjoy being 19. If its meant to happen let it take its course and if the relationship is worth saving she will realize and then anything can happen.
She might not want to get back and you need to come to realize this may be the case. If this is true the attitude I am advising will help out also instead of moping and feeling sorry for yourself. Its tough but you have to do it.
GL to you and enjoy life. Its part of being alive and being a human.
"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me....but it't hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.."-American Beauty
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