A story:

One year ago I moved to Las Vegas with a few friends of mine. Our goal was just to experience the city as young men. I didn't have the ambition to become a professional poker player, but I did manage to play a lot. I am very young and idealistic. Moving to the desert was soppused to help me grow. My fantasy was that I would come back here (Ohio) a disciplined young man with a new world view, an idea of what I want to do with my life.

Unfortunately, the majority of my time was spent working at a convenience store. I would come home, drink a beer, browse internet forums or play video games until I went to bed. I didn't go to a single strip club, I met zero women, and I rarely partied. Still, I was very content. My home enviroment here is extremely negative and I really enjoyed my time away from my family and friends.

In July, about six months into our stay, my friend and I went back to Ohio to visit family. This is when Sarah came back into my life. Sarah is a girl I have known since I was 14 or so. She always had a crush on me but I considered her a "literary friend", not someone I was interested in "like that". We would talk music & books & life, etc. Well, when I came back to visit Sarah invited me to a park. After an amazing conversation we found ourselves back at my place. We enjoy two days together before I go back to Vegas.

I'm back in Vegas for 3 months when my roommates decide they've had enough of the city. They wanted to leave. I did not. However, I'm poor and didn't have many options. I moved back in with my parents in September.

Sarah and I start spending more time together. It eventually evolves into a serious relationship and I really feel like I am "in love". The relationship was extremely difficult because she is a former heroin addict who is in a program. This program provides her with an apartment, spending money, a support group. She has spent the last two years in intense therapy. Her transformation is the closest thing to a "miracle" on this earth. Today she is a published poet and the strongest person I know.

A week before Christmas her and I had a wonderful time together. The next day I call her and she tells me she needs her space, her counselors are prohibiting her from seeing me for two weeks because they think she is losing her focus. A few days ago I called her and she pretty much let me go. She said she didn't think she was obligated to explain things, other than that she needs to take care of herself. Any explanation I managed to pry out of her was vague and confusing.

I'm very inexperienced with relationships. I'm 22 years old and have been in only two, both of which lasted about 3 months.

I know I am just a boy. I am naive and needy.

How do you approach a relationship? How do you make it work? Why am I so dependent on her to feel good about myself? Where do I go from here?

Someone hug me and tell me things will be ok!

Edit: I have talked with numerous friends about these things. I'm not so desperate that I <span>have</span> to look for support in p5's OT of all places. :) My reason for posting is that there are a lot of middle-aged members in OT who manage very well in life and who have given me practical wisdom in the past.

without reading the OP i have 2 suggestions

1) ask her for anal

2) gtfo

i loled pretty hard at that too.

edit - i agree w/ clay also

right. I was actually going to mention how absurd that sounds in the post. I think my original idea was that living with friends far away from <span>here</span> would give me the space I needed to improve myself.

there is nothing you can do here. unless you want to wait around

word. I guess I could have taken a barge.

"struggling with marijuana"

Like, struggling to consistently get it? Like, struggling with letting someone else toke with you? Gotta be what that means. No other explaination.

Unfortunately, the majority of my time was spent working at a convenience store. I would come home, drink a beer, browse internet forums or play video games until I went to bed. I didn't go to a single strip club, I met zero women, and I rarely partied.

Maybe it's time you changed your ways. Do some interesting stuff to make yourself grow as a person. Take it from a guy who has posted here thousands of time... wait a sec. Here's a video:

<EMBED src=http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/bt.swf width=400 height=370 flashvars="code=4a2f9fa512dfaa7fba0119b5aac44b43"> </EMBED>

If she's in recovery and you are using, anyone with a brain is going to tell her to stay as far away from you as possible.

"this is the last time i speak of holding you" Ceramic - 36 Crazyfists

This needs a woman's touch :) Although I still consider myself a girl, I'll take a stab. Anything you're experiencing now is as a result of your Vegas experience - not this particular girl. Leaving Ohio (which I am going to assume is NOTHING like Vegas) with all your hopes and ambitions, and then nothing turning out how you had envisioned it, has left this residual something in your life. What I want to show you is that you did in fact achieve part of what you set out to do. And I quote :)

"My fantasy was that I would come back here (Ohio) a disciplined young man with a new world view"

merely moments later you tell us

"the majority of my time was spent working at a convenience store. I would come home, drink a beer, browse internet forums or play video games until I went to bed. I didn't go to a single strip club, I met zero women, and I rarely partied."

... okay so it doesn't sound like the MOST exciting time since you were in Vegas and didn't see any titties, (even I'D have touched a booby or two if i went there haha) but you did accomplish what you set out to do. You became disciplined and learned that one part about life is grinding it out.

Returning to Ohio you: Rekindled some old flame, (which really isn't an old flame if I am to understand correctly), which made you feel at home again, and maybe made you feel better about having to return so suddenly.

My exboyfriend who happens to be a marine lol, recently came back after 10 years and I realized that everything I liked about him was part of an elaborate fantasy I had created in my head, to make my life feel more exciting. (Now I've realized that I can do that by making out with other girls so I don't need him ;) that's one for OT!)

Point is, you even put the words "in love" in quotation marks. Those quotes kinda symbolize your subconscious refusing to accept that this is part of your own ego. You want so desperately to be in love because it would seem like the next logical step ...

But it isn't. A hug? All you want is a hug? Honey, a hug is what you go to your mom for. I grew up with 3 older brothers and the only cure for this is getting mind blowing head. :) I don't suggest you ask the lady in question. She will most likely decline. But sex is definitely the answer.

Now, normally I would suggest to go to a strip club where you are, but taking into account that you live in Ohio, that might not be your best bet. My suggestion is to take a well deserved vacation (don't make it a park. parks get you into trouble evidently :) ) and relax ...

I hate to say it cause everyone will ... but if this is "meant to be" it will so happen. I don't know about fates and all that but bottom line is, if you let her go and she actually DOES have a thing for you, she will TOTALLY come a knockin. By then I guarantee you that you'll have moved on ...

love ya, hope all works out, PM me if you wanna chat ;)

My exboyfriend who happens to be a marine lol, recently came back after 10 years and I realized that everything I liked about him was part of an elaborate fantasy I had created in my head, to make my life feel more exciting.

pretty deep shit for a 14 y/o

Now I've realized that I can do that by making out with other girls so I don't need him ;) that's one for OT

all you needed to say right there. rank her!

" If she's in recovery and you are using, anyone with a brain is going to tell her to stay as far away from you as possible."

She made an exception for me and probably kept it a secret. I've never done hard drugs and only have the occasional glass of red wine. Marijuana has been a problem for a long time though.

I really want to stop. Is NA my only hope? :)

marry me new lady :)

oh yeah....you talked about books pfffft