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See Where You Rank in Virginia

  1. When I was 16, a month after I had gotten my license and a 2003 Oldsmobile Alero with 43,000 miles on it, I totaled it into a brick mailbox. I was on my way to soccer practice, completely sober. It was a street down from my house and I wanted to put in a mix cd with lil whyte on it, wanting to bump to oxycotten. The cd fell on the floor and as I reached for it I swerved off the rode and straight into a brick mailbox. Bulldozed the bitch, airbags went off and bricks scattered everywhere. My car sat right next to a tree in the middle of the yard just completely fucked. Funny thing is it actually was my friends house and I knew his parents well. Went up to the door and they were just like what the fuuuu... i don't even... I had to wheel all the bricks in garbage cans all the way back to my house as my fucked up car sat in the middle of their yard. Two weeks later I found it was totaled. My nickname for the next year and half became "mailbox." I fucking hated it.

    A few months after the mailbox incident, I was now driving a shitty Oldsmobile Intrigue with 250,000 miles on it. The gas gage didn't work, it was just stuck on E, but I had figured out how many miles I got to the gallon and was able to track that shit. However I'd often forget and would occasionally run out of gas. I was on my way to school one day, taking my buddy who's mailbox I hit, when I ran out of gas at the edge of my neighborhood. Had to walk a half mile to the gas station, filled up a gas thingy brought it back and filled up my car. Only thing is, is that I spilled some on myself and my shoes, and my friend. I was too late for school to think about going back to shower and change so we just headed to school. In my second period class (I missed first period) I noticed that I just reeked of gas so I tried to remain inconspicuous. It didn't really matter as this hott girl next to me alerted the whole class that it smelled like a gas station in there. Then others began to smell it and eventually the teacher who kinda freaked out and thought there might be a gas leak of some sort. I finally confessed and told everyone what had happened and that it was me that smelled like gas. Everyone just started bursting out laughing, and although I definitely was embarrassed, I laughed as well because admittingly I thought it was funny as well. Then someone mentioned mailbox, and told the story of my mailbox incident to the whole class and I didn't think it was so funny anymore. Anyways, I had to wear my gym clothes the rest of the day, which I never washed so I smelled anyways, and also had to walk around with my socks all day. Because of my attire, I had to explain what happened like 408938 times throughout the rest of the day. I saw my friend later on that day walking around in gym clothes and no shoes. We just looked at each other and shook our heads.

    When I was at the University of Iowa me and my friends walked into this random party, not knowing who anyone was but the few of us starting chatting up some girls and things were going very well. Well I had to piss and got up to go to the bathroom only to find a long line. I started chattin with a couple girls behind me in line and flirtin with them and stuff. Anyways I'm next in line and this fucking girl before me is like taking foreverrrrrrrr. She finally gets out, and like barely opens the door and squeezes out. I get in there and holy shit did the thing reek. I mean she must have dropped a fucking bombshell in there. I was literally like gagging as I was pissing. So after I do my business I come out and everyone in line gets a wiff of what this girl did. Everyone started pointing at me and laughing and cursing and gagging and telling me to get the fuck out. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't me but it was no use, they were drunk and were just disgusted by what they thought I did. Somehow word spread faster than small pox, through the long bathroom line and into the kitchen, and as I got back to my group of friends and the girls people were just giving me the weirdest looks. I told my friends what happened and that we needed to leave. We left, and that was that.

    I've had 19 iphones and many more other shitty phones. I'm the worst with phones, like the worst. I've decided that after iphone 19 it would probably be a good idea just to go with a shitter. I mean, you'd think after 4 or 5 I'd get a clue, but na, I just loved the iphone. I'm currently on new shitter number 4. I've only had shitter 4 for three and a half weeks but I've already put it through a lot. The first night I got it, after losing shitter number 3, i left shitter 4 out in the rain and found it in the morning. Luckily, somehow, it still worked. I was on vacation at the time and at the end of the trip took a limo back to the airport. I left the phone in limo and it had taken off. Had to call the limo service back who called my driver and luckily he came back and returned it. About five days ago I left shitter 4 at walmart. Thought some black guy picpockted me, but after receiving a call from walmart the next day I realized I'm just retarded. I have many many many stories about all my lost, broken phones but I won't bore you with those.

    Cliffs:

    Totalled my new car into a brick mailbox when I was 16, a month after I had gotten my license. Nickname became mailbox.

    Ran out of gas on my way to school driving my new car which had 250,000 miles on it. Spilled gas on myself and smelled like gas at school and had to explain to everyone what had happened. Mailbox story came up in class again.

    Got blamed for blowing up a bathroom at a party and had to leave, after chatting up tons of girls.

    Have had 19iphones.

    What you got OT?
    Edited By: Shrubbery Apr 26th, 2012 at 02:15 AM
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  2. undertitle suggestion: mailbox
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  3. die
    Edited By: Shrubbery Apr 26th, 2012 at 02:25 AM
    Reason: although i secretly want it
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  4. cliffs for sure.
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  5. tldr, but when i was like 8-10 my sister was having a bunch of like 11-12 yo girls sleeping over and i went downstairs into the den and pulled down my pants and tried to fart and shit everywhere.
     
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  6. Doubt anybody can top that OP, will have to wait for deoxy to be sure
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  7. I was about 12 years old. And was in a break dancing crew. We had a competition.

    Just before it was my turn to go out some girl from rival crew pulled my pants down (and whiteys)

    This was when the commercial for Wendys was "Wheres' the Beef"

    So after that moment, everyone would just yell at me.."Where's the BEEEEEF"

    I still cry.
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  8. I ran into a woman in our office who I rarely saw but knew when she had worked in our area. I didn't recall the last time I had seen her, but it had been a few months. Last time I saw her she was 4 months pregnant. I asked her how her baby was doing (assuming that she had the baby and was back to work).

    She told me she had a miscarriage. I then realized that the last time I saw her was just 2-3 months before because it was at our holiday party and this happened in late February. Wish I had realized that and done the math a bit more quickly.
     
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  9. I posted this and had any possible invite to wacos draft party revoked. :(
    Pretty sure I won the thread./
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  10. see: the OT confessions thread
    Edited By: Reech Apr 26th, 2012 at 02:59 AM
    Reason: had nothing to do with my cousin.
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  11. one time I wrote Portland when I should have put Atlanta.

    Boy, did I have egg on my face that day!
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  12. I shit my pants in preschool... Tricked the class and the teacher that I was sick and had my parents come take me home..

    No one ever knew, ez game.
     
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  13. in my early twenties i worked in a sales office and was experiencing my first bout of hemmeroids sometimes there would be blood this one particular day tho it hurt more then usual but by lunch time the pain seemed to wear off... about 3pm the boss asked me if i was feeling ok and if i wanted to go home for the day it was cool.. i had no clue wtf she was talking about and asked her why do i look sick no responce none of my fucking coworkers none of my fucking customers... i was wearing tan colored pants and when i got home my girlfriend said wtf are u ok... my ass was completely soaked in blood and i guess this is the reason the pain went away cause the blood vessell burst guess the chair at work soaked up most of it fucking a;osineg;ag coworkers no one had the balls to tell me... worse day of my life when i realized i spent the entire day looking like i had shit myself cause blood obv turns dark brown when it touches clothes.
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  14. In little league on first while my team was batting. I was in 4th grade and the stirrups I was using were too big for me. The guy batting hit it into the gap and with the quality of outfielders in LL it was a ball that I should score on from first. I took two steps and face planted. My left stirrup had come out of my cleat and had wrapped around the bottom of both of my cleats, making it like my were tied together. I got up and stumbled again and rather reach down and undo the stirrup I continued to hop on both feet and someone made it to third safe after a head first slide. Everyone in the crowd was laughing hysterically at me and I got made fun by team pretty bad.
    Edited By: qjuice14 Apr 26th, 2012 at 04:43 AM
     
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  15. I was a very shy guy in high school. Never really went to any parties, but one time that I did actually get invited to one was at two sisters that were pretty popular. I went into the bathroom and just pissed but after I came out the toilet started overflowing and it came out into the living room where everyone was. Everyone just stared at me...so yeah, I didn't go to many parties after that either.
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  16.  
    Originally Posted by yarbles View Post

    in my early twenties i worked in a sales office and was experiencing my first bout of hemmeroids sometimes there would be blood this one particular day tho it hurt more then usual but by lunch time the pain seemed to wear off... about 3pm the boss asked me if i was feeling ok and if i wanted to go home for the day it was cool.. i had no clue wtf she was talking about and asked her why do i look sick no responce none of my fucking coworkers none of my fucking customers... i was wearing tan colored pants and when i got home my girlfriend said wtf are u ok... my ass was completely soaked in blood and i guess this is the reason the pain went away cause the blood vessell burst guess the chair at work soaked up most of it fucking a;osineg;ag coworkers no one had the balls to tell me... worse day of my life when i realized i spent the entire day looking like i had shit myself cause blood obv turns dark brown when it touches clothes.

    that might be the most disgusting thing i've read in OT. It reminds me of that commercial for, I think its Crone's disease. Its like, "do you spend every waking hour worrying what if? Whether youre out for dinner or at a ballgame can you not stop wondering what if?"

    I have no idea what Crone's disease is, but I doubt it causes more anxiety than wondering all day if your butt is going to pee blood uncontrollably.
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  17. Hammered drunk on my birthday in college. Went to a hypnotist. I was in the crowd, maybe 1,000 people there...packed auditorium at Marquette. Decided to walk up on stage. Got offered to partake in the events by the hypnotist. Passed out in my chair. Got escorted out. My friends and I laughed about that shit forever.
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  18. First grade I painted my thumbnail with my mothers nail polish. Asked her how to get it off and she said you cant. Went to school the next day and kept my hand in my pocket. Teacher noticed and made me take hand out. Sent me to the school nurse to get it removed. I laugh about it now, but at the time it was very embarrassing.
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  19. I got caught fucking a globe. Read that shit again. A globe, the earth, sin planet, etc. It was this huge inflatable globe and i was fucking my hand that was pushed down into it like it was some sort of global vagina and i hear my sister walking in and opening the door (Dont go there OT) so I stop as soon as the door was cracked and spun into the bathroom but it was too late. Its a good laugh whenever its brought up.

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  20.  
    Originally Posted by I Fold View Post

    got caught fucking a globe.

    say hello to your new undertitle.
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  21. Haha probably not the most embarrassing but up there. I walked into a small party at a place I didn't know the people really well. I was carrying a styrofoam cooler full of ice and beers and somehow the fucking thing just fell apart right in this girls living room. Everyone was cool about it.
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  22. Junior Varsity title game (HS has never won it).
    score 4 late in the game - still down 2. get up with 2 outs with runners on 1st and 2nd. have a long at bat/foul ball fest with a lefty (hated them). get a ball. walk to 1st. runners trot to their respective bases. catcher throws ball to 3rd - tags runner. it was ball 3.
    took myself out of the game. never played hardball again.
    lol quitter
    Edited By: ericINtheX Apr 26th, 2012 at 11:12 AM
    Reason: love telling this now tho
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  23. first time I hung out with my future wife at her house (living with her parents at the time) I tried to fight off a huge deuce but to no avail. Eventually gave in a clogged her toilet. Had to go ask her step dad for a plunger, he said just wash it outside when you're done. So had to carry this dirty ass plunger through her house in front of her and her family on my way outside. thought I was done for

     
    Originally Posted by ericINtheX View Post

    Junior Varsity title game (HS has never won it).
    score 4 late in the game - still down 2. get up with 2 outs with runners on 1st and 2nd. have a long at bat/foul ball fest with a lefty (hated them). get a ball. walk to 1st. runners trot to their respective bases. catcher throws ball to 3rd - tags runner. it was ball 3.
    took myself out of the game. never played hardball again.
    lol quitter

    that's not just on you imo. base runners should know the count too obv
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  24. wiped my ass with a clorox wipe by accident.

    here
    Edited By: Mr. Blonde Apr 26th, 2012 at 04:43 PM
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  25. In highschool chemistry class.. Turning in our lab notebooks to the front of the room, there are about three plastic bins for us to put them in. I hand mine in one of them and start backpedaling to my seat while talking to a friend. I step directly into/on one of the bins. It fucking explodes as I do a spiraling fall to the floor. The entire room was absolutely silent for like two seconds as I laid on the ground. The first thing I said was "I am so embarrassed right now" and everyone laughed. Glad it happened in the end I suppose, just another story to tell.
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  26.  
    Originally Posted by ericINtheX View Post

    Junior Varsity title game (HS has never won it).
    score 4 late in the game - still down 2. get up with 2 outs with runners on 1st and 2nd. have a long at bat/foul ball fest with a lefty (hated them). get a ball. walk to 1st. runners trot to their respective bases. catcher throws ball to 3rd - tags runner. it was ball 3.
    took myself out of the game. never played hardball again.
    lol quitter

    wow, that's funny.

    the most embarrassing thing i can think of is puking next to a cute girl on the airplane i had been chatting up the whole flight when i was 14, not that embarrassing.
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  27.  
    Originally Posted by sacaniga View Post

    undertitle suggestion: mailbox

    loool
     
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  28. i remember when i was really little in the smallest level of soccer. I was good, but had never scored a goal. well, due to some strange collusion im sure, on a penalty, I got essentially a penalty kick, but with no goalie. dribbled it wide left. I remember being so embarrassed I faked a limp and went off the field.

    there was one time in HS basketball, tenth grade I was in there with the garbage unit and the other team who was destroying us had starters in. i was on top of the 2-3 and the best kid in our area did a ball fake one way and I completely bit. like I ran toward the wing. sort of because it was a great fake. mostly because i was a nervous fool and going thru the motions. but the visiting crowd kind of erupted and I wasnt feeling good. Im sure I made more screw ups in that game too.

    pretty much any time I had to speak in front of a class during HS was mortifying. I wasnt being treated for anxiety yet and I was terrible and like noticably shaky.
    much the same with sports, except not as bad. if I could change anything, I wish i could go through school and sports with anxiety medicine; life would have been great
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  29. funny enough this is actually a stort about a friend of mine, i'll never come close to his embarrasments...

    One night, we're drinking me and 6-7 of my frinds, probably 18 years old at the time, we decide to go downtown and sneak into clubs (a friend worked the door although only 18, 20 to get in) so my friend gets shitwasted, can't speak anymore and drools... he lives close to the club, 10 mins or so. We take a taxi downtown but when we get out we tell the driver that one of our friends is too wasted to do anything and ask him to take him home, end of story. We all had a good time, nothing more...

    Next day i'm hanging out at my friends place who held the party the night before and we get a call from wasted friend asking if he went downtown with us last night and if we had gone to the club "prikid"... we said no, we put u in a taxi and you went home... ok, I must have just had the funniest dream ever then. Words of wasted friend: "i was with you guys at prikid and I had too shit soooo bad but the line was too long and our friend at the door had finished his shift so if I had gone out I couldn't get back in"... us: "so what?" ... "so I'm dreamt that I quietly made my way into on of the corners, pulled my pants down and just let it go" ... "ahhhh you're sick, talk to you later"...

    10 min later he calls back

    "uhhh, this dream I had wasn't a dream" .... "huh?" .... "As I walked out of my bedroom I started smelling something and there it was, big pile of shit right on the corridor floor" ..... "ahahahahahhaahhahaahhahahhahahahahhahahaha" ... his explaination: his apartment actually looks just the same as the insides of the club, wooden floor and walls, so in his mind he was too drunk too even see the difference between his own home and the club even tho he was alone and imagined all the people and a line to his own bathroom, so he said, "i just had to do it" ...

    7 years later we still call him shitman
     
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  30. haha some funny as stories.

    personally i literally dont think ive ever been embarrassed. once when i was 6 or 7, we were down like 8-0 in the last inning with one out, and coach is life "if its a fly ball, wait to see if they catch it then tag" im like i got it coach. teamate hits a flyball, i insta run home and celebrate and they dp us lol. i didnt care tho, i was 7 and lauged it off.

    ive clogged toilets, ate shit, nothin really embarrasses me. even if any of these stories happend, maybe the roid/blood story, i prob wouldnt care and laugh at myself.
     
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