Couple friends and I started having a conversation on whether we thought this was a good or bad thing today after hearing that our friend and his GF were moving in together.

My thought was that it was a good thing - they've been together for over 5 years and I thought it's better to find out now if you have any serious issues with living together rather than waiting until you're married to find it out.

I thought my line of thinking was fairly standard, but I was the only one in my group that thought it was a good idea. So what say you OT?

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Originally Posted by DetUcf

My thought was that it was a good thing - they've been together for over 5 years and I thought it's better to find out now if you have any serious issues with living together rather than waiting until you're married to find it out.

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how is this not /thread?

gg logic amongst your friends

I don't think I'd ever marry a girl without living with her at least a little bit first.

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Originally Posted by HelenRNurse

You and your friend and his g/f are a bunch of promiscuous harlots and you need to go to church so baby jesus can save your souls.

I would say get engaged first and then move in together. 5 years is a long time to be together. Shit or get off the pot. Quit wasting her time and marry her.

I read a good article about why cohabitating before marraige is not good. Let me see if I can find it.

Also, marriage is a commitment. Its a decision. Moving in together is kind of a slap in the face to the girl. You are saying I want to live with you, but not have any real commitment. Basically, she is not good enough to marry, so let's try it out and see if I am wrong.

after 5 years u really have to see where your relationship is at, and this is prolly the best way without putting a ring on her

<H1>Prenuptial Cohabiting Can Spoil Marriage</H1>
By <A target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="http://null/php/contactus/author.php?r=jbr">Jeanna Bryner</A>, Senior Couples who shack up before tying the knot are more likely to get divorced than their counterparts who don't move in together until marriage, a new study suggests.

Upwards of 70 percent of U.S. couples are cohabiting these days before marrying, the researchers estimate. The study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, indicates that such move-ins might not be wise.

And it's not because you start to get on one another's nerves. Rather, the researchers figure the shared abode could lead to marriage for all the wrong reasons.

"We think that some couples who move in together without a clear commitment to marriage may wind up sliding into marriage partly because they are already cohabiting," said lead researcher Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver.

Couples might also be nudged into nuptials because of a joint lease or shared ownership of Fido — along with other practicalities.

Relationship dynamics

Rhoades and her colleagues did telephone surveys with more than 1,000 married men and women between the ages of 18 and 34, who had been married 10 years or fewer. Survey questions included measures of relationship satisfaction, dedication to one another, level of negative communication and sexual satisfaction. To measure the potential of a couple to divorce, participants were asked "Have you or your spouse ever seriously suggested the idea of divorce?"

Overall, about 40 percent of participants reported they didn't live together before marriage, 43 percent did so before engagement, and about 16 percent cohabited only after getting engaged.

Those who moved in with a mate before engagement or marriage reported significantly lower quality marriages and a greater potential for split-ups than other couples. For instance, about 19 percent of those who cohabited before getting engaged had ever suggested divorce compared with just 12 percent of those who only moved in together after getting engaged and 10 percent of participants who did not cohabit prior to the wedding bells.

"We think there might be a subset of people who live together before they got engaged who might have decided to get married really based on other things in their relationship," Rhoades told LiveScience, "because they were already living together and less because they really wanted and had decided they wanted a future together."

So a joint lease or shared ownership of pets could nudge the nuptials for these folks, more than a life-long commitment to one another.

Why move in?

While this research suggests cohabitation in itself can result in lousier marriages, the initial reasons for moving in together could impact the relationship quality.

In another study led by Rhoades published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Issues, cohabiting couples ranked a list of reasons for cohabitation. More than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in, followed by nearly 19 percent who put "it made most sense financially" at the top of their list, and 14 percent ranking "I wanted to test out our relationship before marriage" highest.

Those who listed "testing" as the primary move-in reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires." Such testers also had lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.

Overall, those who want to test the commitment might want to think again, according to the February study.

"Cohabiting to test a relationship turns out to be associated with the most problems in relationships," Rhoades said. "Perhaps if a person is feeling a need to test the relationship, he or she already knows some important information about how a relationship may go over time."

I started dating my wife in 9th grade, so I might not be the best source. But we moved into a house only 3 months after graduating high school. Her best friend and my friend moved in as well. They eventually moved out and there we were. We lived alone for nearly 5 years then got married and bought a house.

beware paranormal activity

My initial read is that you're giving an honest opinion to a situation that you support your friend with. I think that your buddies that disagree with you and this guy feel like the chick has him on a leash, and they don't want to lose the friend that they know. By taking this next step, it's just another sign that he is hers and not theirs. They're probably against the entire relationship and would rather they break up. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, lol. Seems perfectly logical that moving in with your possible spouse before officially tying the knot is a wise move.

It always made sense to me but the studies (as posted and otherwise) say it's a no-no statistically.

Living together 4 years, married 2 years, happy as a clam. Not just an average clam either but a really happy one. Fuck how happy are clams really? Where did this stupid saying come from anyway, arg...

 

Originally Posted by eagleseye13

this was the other question that i forgot to ask in my last thread. for me, my gf asked me to move in with her in next january or so. shes finishing up school and we would be closer. Financially, the house is paid for, we would both be ok that way and we could rent the house to make extra income if necessary. She already calls it OUR house but thats weird to me when its hers.

In my family though, i'm not sure anyone has done this before. Being a strong catholic family, i doubt i would necessarily fit in. I practice minimally, and don't quite believe the same things as they do. It's a real struggle because they are important to me.

My gf and I talked about it and she would rather live together and be engaged then get married right away and see it go to shit. She comes from a family where her parents are only living together bc they are married and older so i think her opinion is hindered by it.

When I first moved in it was to "her" house, though it wasn't paid for and I picked up my share of everything when we moved in together. after a year we bought "our" place, which feels good, even though the other situation wasn't really bothersome this feels better. If at all possible it may be an option worth looking into.

It's a good idea and a terrible thing all at the same time

 

Originally Posted by LeftyMark

Your friends are retarted.