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Moving in with your GF/BF before you're married...

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  1. Lameass_ Lameass_ is offline

    WI
    United States

    Posts: 15,110
    Joined: Jul 07

    Nov 18th, 2009 (11/18/2009 3:04pm) in reply to littleze

     
    Originally Posted by littleze View Post

    Any girl willing to live with their boyfriend wo/ a ring on her finger is disrespecting herself. You should only live w/ somebody that has committed to you, people moving in together to see if they can handle it are flakes. If her bitching at you for leaving the toilet seat up is a deal breaker then you won't be able to work it out once married anyway. If you love someone you should be able to look past petty things that arise through living together.

    go back to lurking imo
  2. TiltinShoes TiltinShoes is offline

    Posts: 7,071
    Joined: Sep 07

    Nov 18th, 2009 (11/18/2009 3:34pm) in reply to Lameass_

    My take on this, just for fun is that I myself will not live with someone before marriage. Simply put, I am religious. I get it, I am irrational and ridiculous because I believe in God, so you can spare the flaming. The fact is, I believe and I believe fully because I have felt God work in my life. At any rate, that is not what this is supposed to be about really.

    I do, however fear that I lack the conviction on the subject I should maybe have. I hear all the arguments for living together and they do sound very rational, and it does sound wise. I don't fault those I know who do live together out of wedlock. I can certainly understand why they do it, and their arguments to mine make sense.

    As stated earlier: simply put, I am a man of God, and so I hold myself to his standards as best I can. Admittedly I stumble, and am far from perfect. To me though, this is the only argument I need.

    Edit: Sorry, I realized by making this post I am allowing some to call me a mindless sheep, and if you wish to, go for it. I will clarify, I understand why I hold this guideline in line with my religious beliefs.

    I believe seriously and with all of my heart that sex should be reserved for marriage. As stated earlier I am not perfect and did sleep with someone out of wedlock. At any rate, I am positive that sleeping with her before marriage was a total mistake. We formed what I will call a fake bond. We weren't right for each other, but we had taken each other's v-card and so we felt this serious magnification to each other and in all honestly, didn't really like each other, but we "loved" each other.

    Anyways, long story short, we got married after 7 years of courtship at a very young age and were miserable. She sought the comfort of someone else and we ended up divorcing. The truth is, I knew I didn't want to be with her, but I felt I owed it to her because of this "bond" formed out of our sexual relationship.

    I think there is a reason God discourages sex out of marriage, because it forms a chemical and emotional bond, one that I believe should only be shared with your life partner, your spouse. Now where does living together outside of marriage fit into this? Well, I'm not saying it can't happen, I am just saying increases X% the chance of sex out of wedlock. Anyways, just my .02.
  3. iThinkItMoved iThinkItMoved is offline

    Posts: 475
    Joined: Nov 09

    Nov 18th, 2009 (11/18/2009 3:59pm) in reply to littleze

     
    Originally Posted by littleze View Post

    Any girl willing to live with their boyfriend wo/ a ring on her finger is disrespecting herself. You should only live w/ somebody that has committed to you, people moving in together to see if they can handle it are flakes. If her bitching at you for leaving the toilet seat up is a deal breaker then you won't be able to work it out once married anyway. If you love someone you should be able to look past petty things that arise through living together.

    Wtf are you talking about? Don't you think the woman should decide if she's being disrespected, and not you? This thread was not about moving in with someone to see if you can handle it, it was about moving in with someone prior to getting married. Just because you are not engaged does not mean you aren't intending to be engaged. I had been with my girlfriend for 5 years prior to moving in with her. We already knew at that point we wanted to get married, it was not about testing anything out. At that time in our life we were ready to move into a place together but not ready to get engaged/married...not because we didn't think we could handle marriage yet, but because we both had just graduated college and were not in the best finacial situation to get married.

    Edit: I see now the OP did mention moving in "to see if it works out." Either way, it doesn't change any of my points. Saying the women is disrespecting herself is just LOL. Good stuff...
  4. El Burro El Burro is offline

    Dallas, TX
    United States

    Posts: 8,790
    Joined: Jan 06

    Nov 18th, 2009 (11/18/2009 5:58pm) in reply to DetUcf

    REASONS I DISLIKE THE IDEA OF MOVING IN WITH A GIRLFRIEND

    1. I like having my own space. Until I make a lifelong commitment to someone, it seems idiotic to prematurely sacrifice something so valuable - my space. I equate it with committing to monogamy with a girl before you go on your first date. Neither make any sense to me.

    2. Money seems like a silly thing to base the decision on. "Neither me nor my girlfriend can support our lifestyle living alone." Really? Maybe it would be a better idea to work harder, live within your means independently or find a new mate. Using affordability as rationale for moving in makes about as much sense as cutting my leg off at the knee because I stubbed my toe. There is no way the ends justify the means.

    3. You can't "try out" marriage any more than you can "try out" skydiving. Once you make your vows or exit the plane at altitude, you're committed. Until then, you ain't done shit - no matter how much you have shared the water bill or practiced falling down.

    4. The risk significantly outweighs any potential reward. You can say it's a good stepping stone towards marriage, but I believe in #3 above. Enjoy paying the reletting fee on an apartment you can't afford in the first place when your relationship tanks after your woman finds your pr0n stash and runs off with that Sri Lankan guy from yoga class.

    I have a few more, but it's time to go to the bar.
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