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Obama signs "Right to Love" Act

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  1. krispycream krispycream is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:09pm)

    In a massive NYC press conference, President Obama gleefully signed into law the new so-called "Right to Love" Act. This act, which passed with bipartisan support in the House and Senate finally addresses what so many Americans have been calling on for years. The right to love, which was always present in our Constitution- "life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness" had never been formally addressed or codified by the Federal Government. Until now.

    The major components of the new law will mandate that all US citizens be married by their 25th birthday. Americans no longer need to fret about dating, bad breakups, the problems of adolescence angst with the opposite sex, etc. By putting our trust in our elected politicians, parents can now rest easy, knowing that one more burden of parenthood is now firmly in the grasp of the Federal Government. Pundits on both the right and the left have had nothing but praise for the new legislation. "It's about time that Washington woke up and realized that our kids are headed down the wrong path. Drugs and violence, all caused by depression about not finding true love, are finally solved," said Fox News commentator Sean Hannity. Also chiming in was the widely respected Democratic spokeswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, "This is another example of how President Obama is looking out for the American public. With healthcare reform passed, and now the Love Act, Americans are one step closer to complete utopia, and all without any risk or dangers of the horrid world of hormones or social gatherings". No matter what side of the aisle you find yourself, President Obama's newest law will surely go down in history.

    Also at the press conference were representatives from Match.com and Christian Mingle, who both announced their bankruptcy today, but could not be more thrilled, as they realized that their programs were now in better hands, being managed by the newest federal agency, also announced today, the National Love and Warmth Agency, which is said will introduce countless new regulations as well as bring as many as 500,000 new US jobs to the stagnant US economy. All of the jobs will be full-time Federal employment starting at the GS-12 level, or roughly $73,000/year plus benefits. Now that is something every taxpayer can be thankful for this Valentine's Day.
  2. DBQB4873 DBQB4873 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:14pm) in reply to krispycream

    ummm "life, liberty and pursuit of happiness" is not in the Constitution
  3. Realbigfish4 Realbigfish4 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:22pm) in reply to DBQB4873

  4. krispycream krispycream is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:29pm) in reply to DBQB4873

     
    Originally Posted by DBQB4873 View Post

    ummm "life, liberty and pursuit of happiness" is not in the Constitution

    declaration of independence, constitution, same thing. ez game
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  5. Realbigfish4 Realbigfish4 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:43pm) in reply to krispycream

    It's funny b/c you thought you were cleverly mocking social programs, but in reality you just showed you lack of historical and social knowledge.
  6. XquiziVex XquiziVex is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:45pm) in reply to Realbigfish4

    Awww, does somebody's feewings get huwt when somebody picks on poor wittle pwesident Obama?
  7. SpankyHamm SpankyHamm is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:47pm) in reply to XquiziVex

     
  8. Realbigfish4 Realbigfish4 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:49pm) in reply to XquiziVex

     
    Originally Posted by XquiziVex View Post

    Awww, does somebody's feewings get huwt when somebody picks on poor wittle pwesident Obama?

    Not in the least. He wouldnt be in office if my beliefs were well represented. I just get a kick out of people going full retard thinking they are funny. Not to mention I took the op as a dig at all politicians... guess you just have a hard on for blaming the President for what Congress does... He is the "boss" after all.
  9. blufhard blufhard is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 4:51pm) in reply to Realbigfish4

  10. mdshack14 mdshack14 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:09pm) in reply to blufhard

     
  11. TFly33 TFly33 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:25pm) in reply to krispycream

     
    Originally Posted by krispycream View Post

    as well as bring as many as.

    hmm
  12. krispycream krispycream is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:30pm) in reply to Realbigfish4

     
    Originally Posted by Realbigfish4 View Post

    Not in the least. He wouldnt be in office if my beliefs were well represented. I just get a kick out of people going full retard thinking they are funny. Not to mention I took the op as a dig at all politicians... guess you just have a hard on for blaming the President for what Congress does... He is the "boss" after all.

    hey now. sorry to go full retard on you. guess i should stick with the status quo of posting fake degen stories or fantasy sports. and it was a dig at all politicians, and executive and legislative, so need to get your panties in a bunch over Obama. he's a big boy, i think he can handle things on his own.
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  13. TheSilentBob TheSilentBob is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:35pm) in reply to krispycream

    I applaud the effort but Onion is a hard act to follow.
  14. BigOrangeFan BigOrangeFan is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:36pm) in reply to TheSilentBob

    We need a thread on worst threads in the history of OT. I nominate this one.
    Edited By: BigOrangeFan Jun 5th, 2012 at 05:37 PM
  15. EyeKnows EyeKnows is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:43pm) in reply to BigOrangeFan

    lol @ OP c/p from 4 months ago.

  16. jay_bear jay_bear is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 5:54pm) in reply to EyeKnows

  17. Hank H1LL Hank H1LL is online now

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 10:38pm) in reply to jay_bear

    republicans are the worst at e-mail forwards
  18. Lord Supremo Lord Supremo is offline actually a tuvalu lord (sigh)

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 10:45pm) in reply to Hank H1LL

    good lord
  19. Mr Galt Mr Galt is offline sister-in-law's a ho

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 10:48pm) in reply to Lord Supremo

    ban worthy imo
  20. edwardt1988 edwardt1988 is offline

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 10:51pm) in reply to krispycream

     
    Originally Posted by krispycream View Post

    hey now. sorry to go full retard on you. guess i should stick with the status quo of posting fake degen stories or fantasy sports. and it was a dig at all politicians, and executive and legislative, so need to get your panties in a bunch over Obama. he's a big boy, i think he can handle things on his own.

    Doubt it was much of a stretch for you
  21. Zeppelin Zeppelin is offline world traveler

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 11:19pm) in reply to edwardt1988

    lol @ it is in the constitution but never been formally addressed by the federal government
  22. Mr Galt Mr Galt is offline sister-in-law's a ho

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 11:22pm) in reply to Zeppelin

    penumbras brah
  23. TheWacoKidd TheWacoKidd is offline haters gonna hate

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    Jun 5th, 2012 (6/5/2012 11:23pm) in reply to Mr Galt

    what in the fucking fuck is this thread
     1
  24. MadProfesor MadProfesor is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 12:20am) in reply to TheWacoKidd

  25. krispycream krispycream is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 3:19am) in reply to Zeppelin

     
    Originally Posted by zeppelinzoso16 View Post

    lol @ it is in the constitution but never been formally addressed by the federal government

    first off, the whole point was that it wasn't in the constitution (declaration of independence actually). but the point being that people always say the Constitution is a "living, breathing" document, and so that gives people the right to broadly misinterpret what it originally meant under the pretense that "oh, well obviously X means Y now, its the 21st century".

    for example regulate interstate commerce doesn't mean micromanage every single aspect of every single industry in the country. Or promote general welfare means to give free healthcare to all citizens. but keep on hatin'
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  26. Ozzie Ozzie is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 3:54am) in reply to krispycream

  27. Ozzie Ozzie is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 3:59am) in reply to Ozzie

  28. Ozzie Ozzie is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 4:00am) in reply to Ozzie

  29. TFly33 TFly33 is offline

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 5:33am) in reply to krispycream

     
    Originally Posted by krispycream View Post

    first off, the whole point was that it wasn't in the constitution (declaration of independence actually). but the point being that people always say the Constitution is a "living, breathing" document, and so that gives people the right to broadly misinterpret what it originally meant under the pretense that "oh, well obviously X means Y now, its the 21st century".

    for example regulate interstate commerce doesn't mean micromanage every single aspect of every single industry in the country. Or promote general welfare means to give free healthcare to all citizens. but keep on hatin'

    Just fwiw I think Obama has spent more time considering how to interpret the competition than all of OT combined.
  30. Zeppelin Zeppelin is offline world traveler

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    Jun 6th, 2012 (6/6/2012 5:36am) in reply to krispycream

     
    Originally Posted by krispycream View Post

    first off, the whole point was that it wasn't in the constitution (declaration of independence actually).

    First off, I know it is the declaration of independence. We covered it in 5th grade
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