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See Where You Rank in Virginia

  1. *Update: New Cwag Starry Pg. 3*

    (Update: Vid of Craig on Pg. 2) (Update #2 Vid of Indian on Pg. 2)

    Cliff-Mode Story

    -My friend Craig calls me out of blue and asks me to come have a beer with him down at a bar.

    -Can't find the bar, until I Google it and realize it is in the heart of East Sprague (the most dirty, whore-infested, bum-druggie, murder zone in Spokane)

    -Get to bar, where it is empty besides a select group of 15 weird-looking, worthless-seeming human deposits. Drinks outnumbered teeth. Room population seemed alot like what illegitimate Trucker/Prostitute offspring would look or be like.

    -Friend Craig starts acting erratic (has history of being incarcerated, lots of prison tattoos, always on some kind of hustle, met at shitty sales job I had).

    -Drunk Indian stumbles literally into bar and announces he's buying a round for everyone. I have a shot of Pendleton, Craig went with Patron, rest of bar did doubles of shitty well-drinks.

    -Few minutes later Indian falls over backward off a tall bar stool. Was completely swaying from side to side. Lands right on head.

    -Everyone laughs, and then continues on just like in a Star Wars cantina.

    -After laughing a bit ourselves, Craig and I head over to see what help guy needs and thank him for the drinks. Craig finds out the guy is staying at the Union Gospel Mission, and supposedly had won "big" on a scratch ticket earlier that night.

    -A toothless Granny grabs my shoulder and asks me if Craig is single. I tell her "Yes, and he said something to me about you earlier". She looks at me completely confused, adjusts her greasy hat, and beligerently blurts "Why are you talking to me?". She had no clue why.

    -Indian gets thrown out of bar. Comes back in, gets thrown out again by frizzy smoke-hair barback with pants hiked up her surprisingly well-shaped ass. Craig tells me he has smoked Meth with her before and they fucked for hours.

    -Craig starts talking to a hovering Jerry Garcia/ZZ Top-lookin' bum just outside of my earshot. See Craig nod his head, and Garcia walks out front door.

    -Craig tells me we'll meet outside in a minute, and then follows guy. I walk outside and see him in dark corner with Garcia. They seem to be going back and forth about something. Minute later he starts walking fast towards me.

    -"We gotta jet bro...Gotta go right now." Headed at a brisk walk to my car with me casually following behind curiously.

    -Both of us get in car together and he tells me "Go, go!" Then tells me "I just sold that bum salt from the shaker in the bar in a little baggie for 18 dollars!"

    -We bounce.

    -Head up to Jimmy John's, where Craig spends $19.42 on two double-meat Submarine Sandwiches for the two of us. Borrows $1.42 from me.

    -Get in car and Craig tells me he paid Toothless Granny $20 for a blowjob a month ago.

    -Drop Craig off at another bar (he has no car)

    -I can't stop laughing

    -Try the Bootlegger sandwich at Jimmy John's.

    Update: Vid of Craig (Cwag) on Pg. 2
    Update #2: Vid of Indian on Pg. 2
    Update #3 New Cwag Starry on Pg. 3
    Edited By: Gambit Feb 4th, 2011 at 12:53 PM
  2. ......
  3. Cool story, Craig. He should have a list to find things like this on the regular.
  4. I was entertained.
  5. I liked it! Legit story.

    Oh, and Pics of Granny or meth whore?
    Edited By: Z-Fresh Feb 2nd, 2011 at 06:16 AM
  6. mmmmmkay, I enjoyed both the format and content
  7. very good writing skills you have jedi. very entertained. post more.
  8. there is so much shit in OT lately makes this seem awesome......i mean its nothing compared to the first 10 pages in the "LOL" thread but its good
  9.  
    Originally Posted by MissBecky View Post

    very good writing skills you have jedi. very entertained. post more.


    How did you get your name changed?!?!? arghh
  10.  
    Originally Posted by budo09 View Post

    How did you get your name changed?!?!? arghh

    took lessons from toothless granny on how to get things done. ;)
  11. If you give nate or dhuber a jack in the box jumbo deal(with cheese/curly fries) they'll change your name for you.
  12. ohhhh myyyy
  13. beki I am sure knows how ghetto East Sprague in Spokane is since she lives in Sea-town. This particular area where the bar was had a Discovery Channel show done on a Serial Killer that killed tons of prostitutes a while back. Spokane Cops kill like two people a week down there.

    Compares a lot to shady areas in Detroit, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Newark, D.C. etc. Don't normally venture down there.

    Craig is a funny ass out of control friend of mine who I guess does this kind of stuff all the time. Haven't seen him in a while. He disappears for months and usually pops back up sporadically. This was one of those times.
    Thread Starter
  14. Not one single thing about this whole ordeal seems out of line for E. Sprague, Spokane... Cool Story
  15. I liked it too, but still happy to have not been there.
  16.  
    Originally Posted by benlevine View Post

    beki I am sure knows how ghetto East Sprague in Spokane is since she lives in Sea-town. This particular area where the bar was had a Discovery Channel show done on a Serial Killer that killed tons of prostitutes a while back. Spokane Cops kill like two people a week down there.

    yes i do...i think that's why it's extra funny to me.
  17. Saw PLuv down there a few weeks ago...lol He was in tights and lipstick.
    Thread Starter
  18.  
    Originally Posted by benlevine View Post

    Saw PLuv down there a few weeks ago...lol He was in tights and lipstick.

    that little fucker. he told me those days were over. he's gonna be pissed you narked him out. ;)
  19. wow, sounds like you need to find new friends or you may end up dead lol.

    entertaining story tho.

    pretty smart ripping a dude off for eighteen measly dollars when you could possibly get killed over it.
    Edited By: MUPokerPlayer Feb 2nd, 2011 at 08:31 AM
  20. I agree MUPP, but most of these riffraff were too drunk/high to even know what was what. It was like being in an alternate universe. Most people go to the bar and there's music, some pretty women, pool in background, friendly bartenders. Not here. This was hardcore drunk/dipshit land.

    Was talking to one lady at the bar who weighed +300 lbs since she spilled a full beer almost all over my cellphone. She informed me that later on in the evening is when the REAL bums show up. This all went down at 7:15pm tonight. lol
    Edited By: Gambit Feb 2nd, 2011 at 08:44 AM
    Thread Starter
  21.  
    Originally Posted by Niceguy View Post

    If you give nate or dhuber a jack in the box jumbo deal(with cheese/curly fries) they'll change your name for you.

    Direct everything to Huber, I don't change names. I send everyone his way if they ask me.

    Also, good story OP.
     
  22. Not gonna lie i watch Anthony Bordain alot and your little rant story was alot like his. Entertaining and descriptive none the less... Well done... Will read again, BUMP
  23. Quotes from Craig afterwards:

    "Don't ever ask a guy at a bar you don't know for dope. He deserved to get fucked"

    "I'll probably see him again sometime soon. Will tell him it wasn't me, fuck you"

    "I don't know why I paid her $20 for a blowjob, it was a $7 job at best"

    "That bartender chick was hot, huh? Sold her some real shit"

    "Some dopeheads were following me around in their car the other day, so I stopped at the Gas Station and bought some rock salt, bagged it up, and sold $75 worth to them. Fuckin' dipshits"

    "This chick wants me to burn down her house for $2500, and I was like 'What's the address honey?'

    "Drop me off right here, I got more unsatisfied customers to take care of"

    "It's all about the bag-appeal, you're getting a deal, ya feel?" (Raps)

    LOL
    Edited By: Gambit Feb 2nd, 2011 at 01:13 PM
    Thread Starter
  24. Craig sounds....nice
  25. Sounds like your buddy craig is gonna be a stat real soon by getting knifed by a doper. Great story tho bro.
    Becky I think it's been 15 years since Ive heard the word narked TY for the wayback playback :)
  26.  
    Originally Posted by benlevine View Post

    -Everyone laughs, and then continues on just like in a Star Wars cantina.

    awesome
  27.  
    Originally Posted by benlevine View Post

    -Try the Bootlegger sandwich at Jimmy John's.

    shit's good as hell. i still prefer the Beach Club tho
     
  28. Unless you are set on going down the path of Jaybum, I'd quit associating with people like Craig.

    Enjoy smoking Meth in a few months
    Edited By: time4badbeat Feb 2nd, 2011 at 01:59 PM
     
  29. seriously, this gets an A.