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Stories from the Emergency Room

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  1. Stritz Stritz is offline

    Posts: 1,816
    Joined: Apr 06

    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:12pm)

    Over the holidays I usually see my cousin who works at a hospital in Saginaw, Michigan. She usually has some funny stories about her job. Here are a few...

    One prostitute came in becasue she was feeling strange. They found cocaine in her system. She told the doctor's that she does not use cocaine, but she got it through sex. When they asked her how that was possible, she told them that she was performing oral sex on a guy who was using cocaine and when he blew his load in her mouth, she got his cocaine in her system.

    Another story, a very overweight woman came in with stomach pains. Turns out she hadn't taken a shit in a long time. They had to go in her anus and "unplug" her. 15lbs of shit came out.

    And another story, another woman came in with chest pains. When they were asking her what exactly she was feeling, she told them that she was feeling these chest pains since the previous week. That said week she claimed that she had biscuits and gravy all week and one of the biscuits must be still lodged near her heart.

    Other than these, she had all the usual "various objects" stuck up guys asses stories.
  2. El Burro El Burro is offline

    Dallas, TX
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:25pm) in reply to Stritz

    Other than these, she had all the usual "various objects" stuck up guys asses stories.

    Truth be told, who doesn't have stories like that? If I had a nickel for every object I stuck in my ass, I'd probably jam those nickels in my fartpipe, too.
  3. Rocket Surgeon Rocket Surgeon is offline & brain scientist

    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:29pm) in reply to Stritz

    When i went to the emergency room a few weeks back because of my ankle, a kid came in with a beer bottle through his hand, literally.
  4. cdmalgee cdmalgee is offline

    Lynchburg, VA
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:30pm) in reply to Stritz

    first girl I ever had oral with was from saginaw, michigan. How old's your cousin and is her name katie?
  5. Mr. Blonde Mr. Blonde is offline Supreme Moderator

    Georgetown, DE
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:35pm) in reply to cdmalgee

    <span>"</span><span>...woman came in with stomach pains. Turns out she hadn't taken a shit in a long time. They had to go in her anus and "unplug" her. 15lbs of shit came out."</span>

    Just last week my old boss died from this. She hadn't shit for over a week and on thursday she left work saying she didnt feel well. Her husband took her to the ER that night with severe stomach pains. They said her intestines basically bursted inside of her and it killed her. She was 42.

    On the flip side I hated the bitch and wished death on her every day for the 7 years I worked for her
     
  6. pja001 pja001 is offline

    Southampton, PA
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 2:56pm) in reply to Mr. Blonde

    Mr Blonde - can you start wishing my ex wife would die soon.. you seem to have a knack for such a thing
  7. tcdmb36 tcdmb36 is offline

    Old Bridge, NJ
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:03pm) in reply to pja001

    A friend of mine works in an emergency room and had to register a guy named Suk Dong....
  8. Mr. Blonde Mr. Blonde is offline Supreme Moderator

    Georgetown, DE
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:04pm) in reply to pja001

    it took 13 years since the first death wish....can u wait that long? If not I suggest a little rat poison in the coffee
     
  9. Kajun Kajun is offline

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:06pm) in reply to Mr. Blonde

    www.hire-a-hitman.com/?Kajun <<--- obv referral commision
  10. MissBecky MissBecky is offline if you're nasty

    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:11pm) in reply to Kajun



    One of my favorite shows.
  11. mason32 mason32 is offline

    Haslett, MI
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:45pm) in reply to MissBecky

    my wife likes that show too beki...guts makes me puke
  12. bmac bmac is offline

    Norman, OK
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:48pm) in reply to Stritz

    Other than these, she had all the usual "various objects" stuck up guys asses stories.

    giga dissapearance explained
  13. MissBecky MissBecky is offline if you're nasty

    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 3:49pm) in reply to mason32

    obv have a cool wifey...it's not on as often as it use to be. :(
  14. Jokerluelz Jokerluelz is offline

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 4:00pm) in reply to Mr. Blonde

    So when you guys said she had a Log shoved up her A$$ kinda Attitude .. you werent kidding
  15. Platypus22 Platypus22 is offline

    Seattle, WA
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 4:01pm) in reply to bmac

    My friend was working in a hospital in the deep south and was taking some information from a patients mom. The mom said her kids name was D'sean. My friend, trying to be accurate, asked the spelling. The woman said "D....commapie...s...e...a..n" To which my friend said "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" And the woman said "D...commapie...s..." My friend interupts and says "comma what?" And the woman speaks more clearly this time. "No... Comma Up High. Ya know, like a comma down low, but up high."

    My friend said she had to excuse herself for a moment so she could laugh without the woman seeing.

    We make her (my friend) tell us stories from the ER every week while we play our home game.
  16. LizardBoy LizardBoy is offline

    Evansville, IN
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 4:08pm) in reply to Platypus22

    <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>A truly gross story
    by LizardBoy on 9/5/2007 09:55 </TD><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD></TD><TD></TD></TR><TR><TD></TD><TD></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR><TR><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD>I cut my arm pretty bad when I was 18 and needed surgery. I was chatting it up with the surgeon before I went back and I asked him what's the worst thing he ever saw. He told me this story:

    I will make it short. There was an elderly man that was confined to his bed. His wife would take care of him. Well, evidently the wife stopped and after a long period of time the police were called to the house. They found this old guy in his bed where he had been lying in his own piss and shit for weeks and weeks evidently. (Imaging the scene from the movie Seven). They brought him in the hospital and he was covered with boils and bed sores. Some of the boils were huge, like the size of a silver dollar. Well, the doctor cut into one of the boils and what bursted out of it was unreal. Live maggots. He was basically being eaten alive by maggots. The doctor said several people in the room got physically sick. I was satisfied with his story and stopped asking questions. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
  17. AJXTERRA AJXTERRA is offline

    Houston, TX
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 4:15pm) in reply to LizardBoy

    I just got light headed...i'm going to get some water and come back later...
  18. KelleeGirl KelleeGirl is offline

    Ozark, MO
    United States

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    Nov 27th, 2007 (11/27/2007 8:31pm) in reply to MissBecky

    ^^^^^ Amen!!
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