Prepare yourself from some hard truths. Where to start?

You obv have a serious insecurity problem. The key is to realize that everyone else does too, they just got past it. You have to put the insecurity in the rear-view window. Easier said than done but look at all the people you know that have accomplished it.

Next, you claim this girl hurt you and lied to you; also, that you knew there might be something special. WRONG. You don't even know this girl. She became a projection for your insecurities, a light in the darkness. This is a spot occupied by many women in your life. None of these are any different from this one. You barely knew them but imagined what "could have been." I know you talked online and all, but that is not the same at all. Relationships are a two-way street that take a lot longer to form than a roll-in-the-hey does and you didn't even get that far. Women try to be nice when they say no and it can seem unfair or obscure when we'd really prefer brutal honesty. There is no help for it, it's a difference of the sexes. Make no mistake, she said no, you just weren't listening.

Get this straight, YOU ARE NOT PICKY! It's an excuse, a lie you are telling yourself. Yeah, I know, I know, but it's true. Is the only relationship worth having one that ends in marriage? Hard to Bat 1 - 0. There is something beautiful to be found in all women and sex is about a lot more than love and kids. You will learn this in time.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not being intentionally hurtful, I'm really trying to help. You need to face this although it seems like, deep down, you already have. In the meantime, keep plugging away online. It's a great way to meet people and expand your horizons. You can't have too many friends, so keep that in mind when you are meeting them. Read the dating articles those sites offer and try to spot yourself in scenarios that are described. You need to learn to eliminate yourself from the date. Keep your chin up and it will come with time.

I can't help but think you've watched too many hollywood romcoms with happy endings. This just isn't how life works.

 

Originally Posted by doomed222

Maybe you got no game

edit: i was gonna feel bad sayin this but looking at the replies it has already been mentioned - STOP acting like a chick. if it can be sensed in on online post, women can 100% tell. man up, get laid, ez game

women can smell desperation like a bear can smell menstruation

if youre super desperate......theyre gonna know it. and be turned off.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/20...first-message/

« Online Dating Advice:

<H2>Online Dating Advice: Exactly What To Say In A First Message</H2> <TABLE><TBODY><TR><TD><IFRAME src="http://www.reddit.com/button_content?newwindow=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbl og.okcupid.com%2Findex.php%2F2009%2F09%2F14%2Fonli ne-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message%2F&title=Online+Dating+Advice%3A+Exact ly+What+To+Say+In+A+First+Message&t=3 " frameBorder=0 width=65 scrolling=no height=80></IFRAME></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

Ok, here’s the experiment.We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself online. This is the second post of our statistical investigation into the optimal online dating message; a note about how we protected user privacy is here. Let’s go:

#1 – Be literate. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Our negative correlation list is a fool’s lexicon: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit (and we do!) the worst 6 words you can use in a first message are all stupid slang.


Language like this is such a strong deal-breaker that correctly written but otherwise workaday words like don’t and won’t have nicely above average response rates (<SPAN class=green>36%</SPAN> and <SPAN class=green>37%</SPAN>, respectively).

Interesting exceptions to the “no netspeak” rule are expressions of amusement. haha (<SPAN class=green>45%</SPAN> reply rate) and lol (<SPAN class=green>41%</SPAN>) both turned out to be quite good for the sender. This makes a certain sense: people like a sense of humor, and you need to be casual to convey genuine laughter. hehe was also a successful word, but much less so (<SPAN class=green>33%</SPAN>). Scientifically, this is because it’s a little evil sounding.

So, in short, it’s okay to laugh, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated.

#2 – Avoid physical compliments. Although the data shows this advice holds true for both sexes, it’s mostly directed at guys, because they are way more likely to talk about looks. You might think that words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. As we all know, people normally like compliments, but when they’re used as pick-up lines, before you’ve even met in person, they inevitably feel…ew. Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.

On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:


The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. As an adjective, it’s a physical compliment, but as an adverb (as in, “I’m pretty good at sports.”) it’s is just another word.


When used as an adverb it actually does very well (a phenomenon we’ll examine in detail below), but as pretty’s uses become more clearly about looks, reply rates decline sharply. You’re pretty and your pretty are phrases that could go either way (physical or non-). But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.

#3 – Use an unusual greeting. We took a close look at salutations. After all, the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is the “first impression of your first impression.” The results surprised us:


The top three most popular ways to say “hello” were all actually bad beginnings. Even the slangy holla and yo perform better, bucking the general “be literate” rule. In fact, it’s smarter to use no traditional salutation at all (which earns you the reply rate of <SPAN class=green>27%</SPAN>) and just dive into whatever you have to say than to start with hi. I’m not sure why this is: maybe the ubiquity of the most popular openings means people are more likely to just stop reading when they see them.

The more informal standard greetings: how’s it going, what’s up, and howdy all did very well. Maybe they set a more casual tone that people prefer, though I have to say

You had me at ‘what’s up’

doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

#4 – Don’t try to take it outside. Obviously, all successful OkCupid relationships outgrow our in-site messaging feature. But an offer to chat or of an email address right off the bat is a sure turn off. One of the things online dating has going for it is its relative anonymity, and if you start chipping away at that too early, you’ll scare the other person off.


Also, don’t ask for or give away a cell number (<SPAN class=red>10%</SPAN>). I thought that was a no-brainer. For the brainless among you who are doing this, my best advice is to paypal me 25 dollars and never use a computer again.
<FORM name=myform action=https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr method=post><INPUT type=hidden value=_s-xclick name=cmd> <INPUT type=hidden value=8100226 name=hosted_button_id> </FORM>
#5 – Bring up specific interests. There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie, band, tattoo, literature, studying, vegetarian (yes!), and metal (double yes!) that are all clearly referencing something important to the sender, the recipient, or, ideally, both. Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. We’re presenting just a smattering: in fact every “niche” word that we have significant data on has a positive effect on messaging.


Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile:


#6 – If you’re a guy, be self-effacing. Awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. As we mentioned before, pretty, no doubt because of its adverbial meaning of “to a fair degree; moderately” also helps male messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.


It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: men should be careful not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation: please is on the negative list (<SPAN class=red>22%</SPAN> reply rate), and in fact it is the only word that is actually worse for you than its netspeak equivalent (pls, <SPAN class=red>23%</SPAN>)!

#7 – Consider becoming an atheist.

Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. We know that’s going to piss a lot of people off, and we’re more or less tongue-in-cheek with this advice, but it’s what the numbers say.


These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often (342 times per 10,000 messages, second only to 552 mentions of christian and ahead of 278 for jewish and 142 for muslim).

Though very few people actually do it, invoking the sky-breaking thunderbolts of zeus does help a person get noticed (reply rate <SPAN class=green>56%</SPAN>), but maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise on a site that is itself named for a member of the Classical pantheon. So if you can’t bring yourself to deny the deity, consider opening yourself up to a whole wacky bunch of them. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. It can help your love life, and, besides, if there really was a god, wouldn’t first messages always get a reply?

*PRIVACY: though this post talks in detail about the content of people’s messages on OkCupid, all messages have been anonymized, with sender and recipient data, and all IP and timestamp information stripped out. In addition, our python jam program looked at messages only two or three words at a time, to track the success of certain words or phrases (like “what’s up” vs. “wats up”). The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data; no one at OkCupid has read any actual user messages, or indeed any user-written phrase longer than five words, to compile this post. back to article>>

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[size="1"]This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 4:49 pm and is filed under messaging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. [/size]

<H3 id=comments> </H3>

 

Originally Posted by DoubleS00ted

Heres what you gotta do.. She is obviously super shy so if she isnt responding to your texts on POF send her multiple texts on her phone, POF, and email if oyu have it.. she'll be sure to check one of those.. tell her you really would like to see her and that you are coming over to get her out of her shell.. tell her it will be good for her... so just show up at her house unexpectedly.. Ring the doorbell a few times and if she doesn't answer then her doorbell is obviously broken...Go window to window and look in them/ knock on them.. If you go at night make sure you bring something to protect yourself ( knife, bat, rope, etc) Make sure you walk around her house with it in case anyone is thinking about jacking you in her neighborhood.. If she doesnt answer the door/window knocks then call her a few times.. if she doesnt answer right away keep calling, her ringer is probably on low.. If she doesnt answer her phone and she is obviously home... there may be something wrong.. Fell, bumped her head, had low blood sugar and fainted, could be anything.. Id try to gain entry and check to see if she is ok... I mean if somethign is wrong and you potentially save her life I doubt she'd move out of State.. GL man.. sometimes to get the one you love you need to do things that will for sure get her.

U know this was good when u can get someone w 70 posts to comment on it.

A+++++ Logic

 

Originally Posted by murderer

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/20...first-message/

« Online Dating Advice:

<h2>Online Dating Advice: Exactly What To Say In A First Message</h2> <table><tbody><tr><td><iframe src="http://www.reddit.com/button_content?newwindow=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbl og.okcupid.com%2Findex.php%2F2009%2F09%2F14%2Fonli ne-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message%2F&title=Online+Dating+Advice%3A+Exact ly+What+To+Say+In+A+First+Message&t=3%20" frameborder="0" height="80" scrolling="no" width="65"></iframe>
</td></tr></tbody></table>

Ok, here’s the experiment.We analyzed over 500,000 first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid. Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself online. This is the second post of our statistical investigation into the optimal online dating message; a note about how we protected user privacy is here. Let’s go:

#1 – Be literate. Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. Our negative correlation list is a fool’s lexicon: ur, u, wat, wont, and so on. These all make a terrible first impression. In fact, if you count hit (and we do!) the worst 6 words you can use in a first message are all stupid slang.


Language like this is such a strong deal-breaker that correctly written but otherwise workaday words like don’t and won’t have nicely above average response rates (<span>36%</span> and <span>37%</span>, respectively).

Interesting exceptions to the “no netspeak” rule are expressions of amusement. haha (<span>45%</span> reply rate) and lol (<span>41%</span>) both turned out to be quite good for the sender. This makes a certain sense: people like a sense of humor, and you need to be casual to convey genuine laughter. hehe was also a successful word, but much less so (<span>33%</span>). Scientifically, this is because it’s a little evil sounding.

So, in short, it’s okay to laugh, but keep the rest of your message grammatical and punctuated.

#2 – Avoid physical compliments. Although the data shows this advice holds true for both sexes, it’s mostly directed at guys, because they are way more likely to talk about looks. You might think that words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. As we all know, people normally like compliments, but when they’re used as pick-up lines, before you’ve even met in person, they inevitably feel…ew. Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.

On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:


The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point. As an adjective, it’s a physical compliment, but as an adverb (as in, “I’m pretty good at sports.”) it’s is just another word.


When used as an adverb it actually does very well (a phenomenon we’ll examine in detail below), but as pretty’s uses become more clearly about looks, reply rates decline sharply. You’re pretty and your pretty are phrases that could go either way (physical or non-). But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out.

#3 – Use an unusual greeting. We took a close look at salutations. After all, the way you choose to start your initial message to someone is the “first impression of your first impression.” The results surprised us:


The top three most popular ways to say “hello” were all actually bad beginnings. Even the slangy holla and yo perform better, bucking the general “be literate” rule. In fact, it’s smarter to use no traditional salutation at all (which earns you the reply rate of <span>27%</span>) and just dive into whatever you have to say than to start with hi. I’m not sure why this is: maybe the ubiquity of the most popular openings means people are more likely to just stop reading when they see them.

The more informal standard greetings: how’s it going, what’s up, and howdy all did very well. Maybe they set a more casual tone that people prefer, though I have to say

You had me at ‘what’s up’

doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

#4 – Don’t try to take it outside. Obviously, all successful OkCupid relationships outgrow our in-site messaging feature. But an offer to chat or of an email address right off the bat is a sure turn off. One of the things online dating has going for it is its relative anonymity, and if you start chipping away at that too early, you’ll scare the other person off.


Also, don’t ask for or give away a cell number (<span>10%</span>). I thought that was a no-brainer. For the brainless among you who are doing this, my best advice is to paypal me 25 dollars and never use a computer again.
<form name="myform" action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post"><input value="_s-xclick" name="cmd" type="hidden"> <input value="8100226" name="hosted_button_id" type="hidden"> </form>
#5 – Bring up specific interests. There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie, band, tattoo, literature, studying, vegetarian (yes!), and metal (double yes!) that are all clearly referencing something important to the sender, the recipient, or, ideally, both. Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. We’re presenting just a smattering: in fact every “niche” word that we have significant data on has a positive effect on messaging.


Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile:


#6 – If you’re a guy, be self-effacing. Awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda, and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages. As we mentioned before, pretty, no doubt because of its adverbial meaning of “to a fair degree; moderately” also helps male messages. A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.


It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. But either way: men should be careful not to let the appearance of vulnerability become the appearance of sweaty desperation: please is on the negative list (<span>22%</span> reply rate), and in fact it is the only word that is actually worse for you than its netspeak equivalent (pls, <span>23%</span>)!

#7 – Consider becoming an atheist.

Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. We know that’s going to piss a lot of people off, and we’re more or less tongue-in-cheek with this advice, but it’s what the numbers say.


These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often (342 times per 10,000 messages, second only to 552 mentions of christian and ahead of 278 for jewish and 142 for muslim).

Though very few people actually do it, invoking the sky-breaking thunderbolts of zeus does help a person get noticed (reply rate <span>56%</span>), but maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise on a site that is itself named for a member of the Classical pantheon. So if you can’t bring yourself to deny the deity, consider opening yourself up to a whole wacky bunch of them. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing. It can help your love life, and, besides, if there really was a god, wouldn’t first messages always get a reply?

*PRIVACY: though this post talks in detail about the content of people’s messages on OkCupid, all messages have been anonymized, with sender and recipient data, and all IP and timestamp information stripped out. In addition, our python jam program looked at messages only two or three words at a time, to track the success of certain words or phrases (like “what’s up” vs. “wats up”). The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data; no one at OkCupid has read any actual user messages, or indeed any user-written phrase longer than five words, to compile this post. back to article>>

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<hr> To join us, visit: www.okcupid.com, which is free
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To subscribe to our feed, click: RSS
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[size="1"]This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 4:49 pm and is filed under messaging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. [/size]

<h3 id="comments"> </h3>

Wow this is pretty cool. Nice stuff. Anyways the girl is avoiding me right now. Porn and poker FTW, I am human after all. Back to the chase.

 

Originally Posted by Believer82

If his account's a level it's the most brilliant level of all time HOF

Sadly no level believer.

 

Originally Posted by Defndrofangels

Now heading in I was kinda worried if I would find her attractive or not cuz her pictures left a little to be desired but she looked a lot better live so I was hooked. After dinner we just sat there talking for an hour and a half.

LoL you're such a douche. I just reread your OP and saw this nugget.

Dude, like we tried to explain to you when you went after the intern--chicks notice when you treat them differently. To be effective with ladies you have to essentially treat all of them the same. BE THE SAME, BE YOURSELF. Yeah it's a fuckin cliche, but it rings true. Think about it. When you were chatting the girl up it was fun, you didn't even give a shit because you thought she may not even be hot. You probably didn't give much of a shit talking to her and just passed time while playing poker. OMFG SURPRISE, she was totally into that. You just bullshitting and not giving a fuck.

Then you meet her and you manage to totally just throw everything out the window. You clam up a lil bit, try too hard and act like a douche because you're like OMFG SHE'S HOT MAN OMFG I LOVE YOU. I bet you mentioned it ad nauseum about how she looked so much better in real life than in her pic. Smooth one there romeo.

Don't be such a giant prude virgin. Flirt with all kinds of different bitches even if they don't strike your fancy. Not everyone is like you, they won't fall in love with you and stalk you just because you give them a little bit of attention. You don't even have to be halfway interested in these girls, just flirt with them to make yourself and them feel good. That milf bartender or even that chubby chick...flirt with them. Do this and you'll be 100x more comfortable when you end up interacting with a hot bish you actually want to pursue.