Originally Posted by Sandman_Good

I had the following entry sent to me and asked if it could be posted anonymously and it hit me pretty hard. Feeback is welcome:


great thread...cant be said enough how great of an idea it was..i cant wait to read all of the stories...im probably going to ask you a few more questions...but basically im 19, never have had a drink, never have smoked, never done pills...never had an addiction at all...my dad is an alcoholic, which is the reason i dont drink...i have a flight in a little bit, so ill keep this question short...might tell you about my dad and his story later, as i think hearing what you have to say about it might help me a lot...anyway

Drinking was the core of most all my problems actually.

was that something you always realized?...or was it something that you eventually realized after hitting "rock bottom?"...also what the fuck is rock bottom..ive thought my dad has hit rock bottom many times before...but he keeps drinking...does rock bottom matter at all, in regards to stopping an addiction?..or is that a myth...and back to original question --- did you realize drinking was always the core?...my dad blames everything for the reasons that he drinks...apologized to me the other day and in the same sentence says "you know...things have always been tough with your mom" --- cut the shit...not really even sure what im getting at...but reading the quoted sentence hit me hard, because it seems that my dad fails to realize that the heart of every problem is his drinking....any help is appreciated...again, great thread and i look forward to reading everyones story

not really comfortable enough to say all of this publicly, obviously...

I just got back from a vacation (if you want to call it that) and have been dealing with somethings myself and one thing I have learned from my experience is that you are unable to help others if you can't help yourself. So I had to take care of myself and get my mind right before responding to this:

I just read your post again and have a lot of things running through my mind, but will just keep it to the questions you asked and answer them as to how I feel about it. Does not mean they are right or wrong, but from my experience.

"Was that something you always realized"

Drinking for me was not the problem, but what I used to cover the problem. It was an excuse I would use to numb pain having it be physically or emotionally. (mostly emotionally). For me drinking was the mask to hide problems. Drinking was my immature way to hide problems. To ignore problems. Drinking NEVER made the problem go away but ALWAYS enhanced the problem and made new ones.

These were all things I realized once going into rehab and getting the help I needed.

"What is rock bottom"

Rock bottom is never going to be the same for anybody. Rock Bottom for me was about a 4 year span of losing a successful career, having a fiance leave me, losing my home, losing my car, having to move back into my parents house and sleep in the same room that I grew up in when I was 33 years old. Being kicked out of my parents house because I would sneak alcohol constantly when they asked me not to drink in their house. I would buy liquor right after going to an AA meeting (because my parents demanded it if I was going to sleep under their roof). An old friend of mine (Salinequeen) took me in which was supposed to just be a two week hiatus before moving to Memphis, but I saw how life was going to be with her and I took advantage of it. Drinking whenever I wanted and playing poker whenever I wanted and having zero responsibilities. Drunk nights, hung over days, medical problems, not respecting her when I drank (because of being an angry person and hating my life..WHICH IS WHAT I CREATED) So fast forward two years or so of not getting anywhere and the drinking became even more obsessive. It took over my life. I scheduled everything around my drinking. Drinking came first before anyone. I wouldn't spend time with my now wife because I would rather drink while she is in bed crying and missing her husband/friend. (For a long time Salienqueen was an enabler and can get into that another time)

But the day I decided to stop drinking, I had been binge drinking everyday..getting up around 5 am just to start drinking and pass out around noon, so when the wife got home, I could act like I was fine and everything was ok, but you see..drunks can never hide. Everyone knows. I was lying to her and sneaking money and hiding alcohol in the house, just so once she left, I could get drunk. I would be severely hung over when she got home and in no condition to be the man I vowed to be when we were married.

On July 27th, 2010 My wife got a call from a local quickie mart owner. You see he had her number because we were regulars in their store and and his wife had asked some banking questions one day and got her business number.

My wife had to leave work, because the police were called. You see, her husband, ME had decided that just because I had no money and no alcohol left that the owner owed me, for all the beer I had bought in his store. I walked up with about 3 24 oz and begged him to let me have store credit. This is after I already had been in and out of his store that day drinking heavily and was in no condition to drink more. When he denied me the credit, I shoved the beers off the counter and other items and got loud with him and walked out a pathetic man. The embarrassment in my wifes face was "ALMOST" enough for me to stop right there, but Im an alcoholic and and I wanted more, so I told her I would quit (which is something I never said to her before) BUT..I wanted to drink one more time that night..So I got beer and wrote myself a note and cried and had one more pity party. Thats all alcoholics are doing most of the time..having a pity party.

Went to rehab 4 days later and have not had a drink since.

to be continued:

I can tell that you are hurt by your fathers drinking and it may even cause you some guilt. But you should never feel any guilt for his drinking or the reason why he can't stop.

It never was..never is and never will be your responsibility to get him to stop drinking. You can only do one thing and one thing only,

and thats tell him how YOU feel. Sitting down with your father and sharing with him how it makes you feel when he drinks is very important. In the conversation though, you can never tell him how he feels or what he needs to do, etc. This is about you. Telling him the stress that it puts on YOUR life and the worry it causes you, because you love your dad and that is very obvious or you wouldn't care the way you do.

You can't speak for others, mom, sisters, brothers,friend family,etc, etc... All you can do it talk about yourself.

Then once you have done that, you have done your part and you have the decision to either be part of his life while he drinks or not. You are giving yourself the power to decide whats best for you. And if seeing and being around an alcoholic while they drink is not best for you, you have to move on.

"But he's my dad, how do I just move on and not support him" You will be supporting him if he decided to get help. But you can't support him while he is drinking. Has that worked before?

There is only one person who has the power for him to stop drinking and that's himself. You have to love yourself as well and telling your dad that until he quits drinking you can't be a part of it, might be the best thing you ever do for yourself and him.

thx for sharing that story sandman, real life and lots of truths.

this is a good thread. i dont have a problem thats altering my life, but i can definitely shake some demons in my life and be more healthy.

Just an update on my sitch:

No desire, no cravings. I weigh 189 @ 5'8", made multiple props to lose 25lbs in 2 months (4/1 is the deadline) for <$100 each. I've exercised every day but one and been strict on my diet every day but one (super bowl obv). Lost 5-6 lbs so far, but I def have my work cut out for me.

I haven't felt this good in 4-5 years. Every single aspect of my life has improved, it's tripping me the fuck out to be honest--that I ever let myself slip that far.

Dayuuuuum 36CF....good for you brother!!!

how do you physically feel without cigs and 25 lbs to lug around.

BTW..my top weight was 232.. im 190 now.

blood pressure was checked couple days ago.. 122/76 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

And congrats on the 40 days..most I ever went b4 quitting was 90 days but that was after major heart surgery..

you didn't drink super bowl sunday...now dats discaprine. = )

 

Originally Posted by elusively

Just an update on my sitch:

No desire, no cravings. I weigh 189 @ 5'8", made multiple props to lose 25lbs in 2 months (4/1 is the deadline) for <$100 each. I've exercised every day but one and been strict on my diet every day but one (super bowl obv). Lost 5-6 lbs so far, but I def have my work cut out for me.

I haven't felt this good in 4-5 years. Every single aspect of my life has improved, it's tripping me the fuck out to be honest--that I ever let myself slip that far.

its amazing how much we can deliberately hurt ourselves..and for what?

I know a guy who is coming up on a year and I said to him the other day..its crazy how i used to trade 4-5 hours of being drunk to feel like shit for 24 hours plus and hurt people.

He told me...All he had was about 30 minutes of being drunk then would black out...he would pound the hard stuff to get that quick fix and boom....out he went. Thats a shitty life imo.

 

Originally Posted by Sandman_Good

Dayuuuuum 36CF....good for you brother!!!

how do you physically feel without cigs and 25 lbs to lug around.

BTW..my top weight was 232.. im 190 now.

blood pressure was checked couple days ago.. 122/76 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

And congrats on the 40 days..most I ever went b4 quitting was 90 days but that was after major heart surgery..

you didn't drink super bowl sunday...now dats discaprine. = )

I feel great without the cigs but its been pretty easy without drinking. I'll be in Vegas and LA in March and I'll def be drinking so it'll be interesting to see if i can go without smoking. I actually don't have much desire to drink alcohol if i cant smoke cigs (like non-smoking bars...) and vice versa...the two go hand in hand imo.

Didn't drink on superbowl sunday cuz ive been hiding out hermit-style for a month and a half now.

232 - 190 is impressive. I'd like to get down to 185.

 

Originally Posted by TheWacoKidd

goddamn brah, you got fat as fuck. well done on losing the 25

and nice job on the cigs, ez game. keep it up

haha yeah 5'10", 223lbs, lacking any real muscle is a pretty disgusting sight. It was a good run tho.

 

Originally Posted by jesterwords

I wrote this sometime about some substances... perhaps some people will relate

Untitled

The BLUES ain't nothing but good people feeling bad!

Ain't that the truth.
Good people feeling bad.
There is no
real shortage of
good people
feeling bad.

Some choose
to find a bottle
and lose themselves
into the drink.

Some choose
a pill to find their
answer to the lack
of thrill in their life.

They fight it.
Sure, they honestly
do not want to
feel alone.
Who
does?

They are
my brothers
and sisters
in pain.

It could
be self brought
upon, or random
senseless pain
but it
is
pain
nonetheless.

Brothers and Sisters!

Children of the dark.

The BLUES ain't nothing
but good people
feeling bad.
Someday
it
will
get
better.

Why not
today?

dude! That was very well said/written! I am 9 days into detoxing from hydrocodone use off and on for the last 2 years. I quit once right before my son was born for 3 months, 7 months ago. And back on them since early november. Woke the fuck up last week, and this weekend has been much better for me. The physical wd's went away after a couple days, i was already sick with bronchitis at the time so it didn't help. I just decided it was time to stop wasting my freedom and money and time, not to mention health; on scoring those stupid fucking things. I have never abused a prescription of hydrocodone, if you will. I just got them off the streets for the last couple years. I was always asked by "friends" "why don't you just go to a doctor and tell them you need them?" Man am I glad I never went that route (dr shopping). Because I can't say im in pain that requires 50mg of hydrocodone per day. I thought about doing this anonymously but said it's better to get it out there. Im going to my first meeting next week.

Shoot me a PM if anyone has any questions and ill try and get back in this thread and see what's up:) You know it's funny, I used to play poker (05-08) and have been in OT since 05, I started using when I quit posting as much on here, and quit playing poker. Not saying its the reason, because even I haven't nailed down the actual reason for my misdirection. Im glad I caught myself when I did though, because it was getting out of hand fast. I hope I can make quitting for good this time. If not for me, for my 7month old son, and wife for god's sake.

There is always hope. Its such a simple concept but its gotten me through lots of low points. I'll say to myself if I can get through this craving I hope to see my daughter graduate from college... or sometimes its my son stop the winning goal from crossing the line with a sliding save.

Its that hope, that I can share a moment in my kids lives that is important to them. That is where I try to live when I am at my weakest. It works for me.

 

Originally Posted by kmc28

won't lie, i've been having a rough past week or so. going to see my therapist on monday though, so hopefully he gets me back on the right track.

Make that two of us...this past week has been a true test for me. Luckily I have passed. I always think about whats making me want to drink during this past week. (In laws and that spilling over to the wife) Its been really shitty...but then I say...

If I use this excuse to drink..that gives THEM the power and I want to have the power. No one will ever have the power to make me drink again.

So think about whats bothering you or who's causing cravings and think..do I want to make them feel they can control what I do. Fuck that!!!!

Monday is not far away..you got this!



jester..loved the blues poem as well.

Sandman is a great man....SOBER.

Sandman is not a great man....drunk.

Everyday without my vice is a day to celebrate.

Even the day's where I'm still craving that which has owned my soul for years (nicotine). Get this clear, SMOKING WILL KILL ME, if I kept up in the manner that I was smoking cigarettes. Two and a half packs of RED 100's a day from age 37 to age 38 2/3 really hurt my lungs.

Doctor gave me an ultimatum.

I choose life.

oh, and one more thing this thread needs.

jasonpm passed away from alcohol abuse. He was / is in the OT hall of remembrance.

RIP buddy

will search and post some threads, we had NO IDEA in OT as to his drinking problem (well I didn't know, and it seemed to shock lots of peeps).

http://www.pocketfives.com/f13/r-i-p-jasonpm-322853/

also, just put in the name jasonpm into the search feature...

there are a few people here who serve as the collective memory for those who have left their mark on the site, jasonpm was one of them.

BTW, he was born one year AFTER me.

Tell her she can have a bottle of water.

 

Originally Posted by SmokeyCasinos

So have we saved anyone in OT?

OT(we) can't save anyone.

Milo----very moving. That is a lot of wisdom for a 9 year old

^^^^^^^^

 

Originally Posted by jesterwords

weekend here, for those battling...

find strength

Three day weekend at that.... used to be another great reason/excuse to drink it up.

I used to always make reasons..weekend..holiday to drink...that disappeared..eventually it was..the sun is up..time to drink.

especially on football sundays. I used to drink a 40 of Old E BEFORE the game even started on my way to the sports bar.

Who the fuck drinks a 40 at 9 am right after cereal.