My mother isn't close with her sister or brother (nor is her sister with her brother or her and her sister). My dad isn't close with his only brother (good reason, lazy hippie defrauding for disability) My brother (and only sibling) is a drug addicted maniac (methadone, hydros, weed, oxycotin, etc). Found out recently my grandmother was like my brother (she was loving, but had a pill problem). Everyone else is white trash completely and totally except my dad, mom, and me. I mean everyone. Everyone pretty much is a drug addict, doesn't work, lies, steals, lives a shitty life. No major criminals like murders but just a cycle of alcoholism and drug addiction.

Both my Grandparents on my moms side died of cancer before I was 8. My Grandma on my dad's side died of cancer when I was 10. My parents never brought me to the funerals or ever have taken me to their graves, nor do they visit them.

I am semi close with my parents though they favored my brother on tons of shit that they still deny to this day. My brother moves in with a girl when he is 15 and slangs pot, they pay his car insurace. I don't get home by 10 and get a B avg, I can't even drive, etc etc. Our entire childhood it was this way cause he kissed their ass and was clean cut. I played guitar and had long hair but was a straight A student (seriously high school lol). He has defrauded them for over 25K since 2004 (credit cards, bank accounts, paypal, fake loans). He steals my moms pills everyday for her pain and even waited by her bedside after surgery to take them, but yet they still take his word over mine lol. (never wronged them, 1st person in family to graduate from college, totally independent since 18 etc).

I fking hate Christmas Not the religious aspect or the actual day, I enjoy that (or did), but the feeling I get when I'm at home and realize I will never have a close knit/loving family overcomes me. I think about when my parents are gone and how it will be the end of everything. They are the only glue that even gets anyone to stand each other. They are the only ones that host Christmas/Thanksgiving, and this year no one really got together.

I and am not a believer in an after life. What is your move OT? I have moved a few states away and mostly for a job offer and partly to get away. They guilt trip me which doesn't work entirely but knowing there is no god, no after life, and im going to be dead in 40 yrs or less, I just don't get the point.

fwiw I feel like this all year long.....just this day brings it out hard....and no , I'm not "depressed", in the clinical sense....but I wonder why grind away my whole life to get old, retire, rot away without a family, and die....

John 3:16

I would have beat my brother's ass a long time ago.

I know that's not always plausible though. I would say be glad you at least have those family members there. Some people dont.

as someone else whose family is filled with alcoholsim, deadbeats, and drug addicts, I can tell you that I 100 percent know how much it sucks and how tough it is. Especially around the holidays. I jumped all over the first job I got as far away from home as possible just to get away from them, it was depressing me that much, so I definitely know what you were talking about when you said you wanted to get away. Its an extra kick in the balls seeing all your friends, who have storybook upbringings and great, comfortable backgrounds, just taking for granted how great they have it and not even having a clue how lucky they are.

Honestly though, in the end your family will be ultimately what they will be: your family, so theres really not too much you can do about it but take it for what it is and try to better yourself. Try to stay close to the ones you are close with, let the others sort out their petty bullshit themselves and just try to stay out of the whole mess. the day i realized I needed to get my shit together and start doing something for myself instead of moping around depressed about how shitty of a family/upbringing I had was one of the biggest days of my life.

My Family was/is pretty disfunctional also. I married a woman with a very tight traditional family. We do most holidays with them and even though I make fun of how corny some of it is, it is very nice to have that. Like others have suggested, I have three kids of my own and I try my best to break the cycle of disfunction.

Not to get all 12 Stepper on you(I am not a follower or a believer in religion either) but the Serenity Prayer is good for anyone to keep in mind. The first line is "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change". Sounds like you know you can't change your Familys behaviour, its time to work on accepting that, and finding some peace/serenity with it.

 

Originally Posted by jesterwords

Your goal in life is to break the cycle.

Find a clean girl from a close family. Have kids with this woman. Raise your kids with this woman. Teach them how to be a close family.

If you do the above, when you die, you will have altered your family tree forever.

This is EXACTLY what we did. We don't deal with our familys or in my case my step-family. We started over basically by moving out here. We don't have much contact with anyone (I still talk to my grandfather even though he doesnt like me cause I remind him of my real mom too much).

Start fresh!

I just read this for the first time, and my heart goes out to you. I'm not being all sappy and stuff, but i've seen both sides of it first hand. My family is quite close, and supports each other in all we do. My ex is a drug addict. He has alienated his younger son because of it. My son, who is now almost 21, lived with his dad after the divorce. He wanted to finish high school. In December of his senior year dad came home stoned and did some really horrid things. Son literally left with the clothes he was wearing, not even any shoes. We went to family counseling (even though we were divorced) to try to get some resolution. Son stated in very clear terms the only way he would have anything to do with dad was if dad got treatment. Dad said no way was some kid going to dictate what he does. Son has not spoken to his father in four years. It's sad. I've advised him to forgive and try to have some relationship, but he is sticking to his guns.

Mike is not close with his family. Until we started dating he hadn't seen them in five years. After all that happened at Christmas I understand why now.

Sometimes you just have to move on, and do what is right for you. They will always be your family, but that does not mean you have to put yourself last. It is ok to look out for your own best interests. And if your family doesn't "lift you up" that might mean just having minimal contact.

I love the advice about finding a woman who can offer you the whole family dynamics. And when you do have your own family, always keep the lessons your family has taught you in mind.