So we went to Outback today to celebrate my daughters Bday. After about a half dozen wings, a blooming onion and a 14 oz prime rib, I was just waiting for the usual stomach pains that accompany my meal. I've noticed some of my worst ever shits were results of Outback dinners. I mean there were times I almost didnt make it to a toilet. Hell one time I stole the cloth napkin off the table in case I shit myself on the way home. I came real close to knocking up at a strangers house to use their bathroom on a number of occasions.

Surprisingly I felt pretty good when I left the resturant today. I was kinda skeptical about it cause I've experienced the sneak attack Outback shit in the past, but I went ahead and made the left hand turn toward Home Depot instead of making a right toward home. I had some shit I needed to buy and didnt want to wait till tomorrow. I might have made it a hundred yards when I felt a large rumble in my gut. My heart sank as I knew what was about to happen. I looked to the right and noticed a Wawa/gas station, but with all the shore traffic there was no way to get over 4 lanes in time to make the turn into their parking lot.

So I start weaving thru traffic on a mission to get to the Home Depot asap. Of course I hit every cocksucking red light possible, the whole time the bubble guts growing into a audible war taking place in the pit of my intestines. By the time i pull into the HD parking lot Im prairie doggin like a motherfucker.

I roll thru the exit door and make a B line for the restrooms (which of course are in the back of the goddamn store). At this point I was picturing explaining the giant load of shit to my wife when she sees my new jeans in the laundry...cause there is NO way im making it to the toilet. I practically knocked the door down when I reached the bathroom. I hardly noticed the 1st stall was occupied but I was headed to the handicapped stall anyway. Normally I'd turn on the sink for some static noise to disguise my kerplunks or whatever sound may come from my ass during the shitting process. But there was no time for that today. I BARELY got my pants down when the first wave shot out of my asshole like a chocolate flame thrower. I wasnt even in the seated position yet so the majority of it sprayed the back of the toilet and the wall a muddy brown color.

The guy in the next stall obviously heard me blowing up this toilet and said something like "GOD DAMN U ALRIGHT BUDDY?". I just let out a moan and took hold on the grab bar they have in all handicap stalls as the 2nd wave hit me. This was a little more solid than the 1st, but burned like hell and twice as painful. The grab bar provided some nice leverage.

At this time i figured I was good and start using excessive amounts of TP on my lava covered ass...but i noticed my stomach was still bubbling...so I decided to sit there a few more minutes just incase. Thats when I let out a fucking world record fart. It seriously lasted at least 12 seconds. The guy in the next stall let out a laugh half way thru, then his reaction turned to amazement and/or fear as he realized how long this fart was. He goes "YO WAS THAT REAL?" I said, "u fuckin hear that? i think I got the swine flu" I dont even think he wiped....he got up and rolled out the door with the quickness. So now with some peace and quiet, I finished shitting for another 10 minutes or so. I went through like 3 pounds of TP and kicked the speckled brown flush handle. "OMFG!" was the exact words that came out of my mouth as I realized my mistake. No toilet in the world could handle what I just did to it. It was overflowing like Old Faithful. I bolted out the door and just rinsed my hands in the water fountain between the mens and womens restroom and bounced.

So if you're ever in Lewes, De...you probably should avoid the mens restroom in Home Depot. Easily one of the top 3 worst shits of my life.

*Cliff notes*

• ate Outback
• barely made it to Home Depot to shit
• scared guy in stall next to me
• toilet over flowed
• my asshole hurts

fun time for the janitor lolol

POTY candidate! Worth every juicy mudcovered word. Are you ok now? And why do you leave outback first if you know it's coming? Punish their employees with the cleanup. Epic.

POY, lololllllllllllllllllololololol oh man lolol i have nothing to say other than that

 

Originally Posted by skisteve

POTY candidate! Worth every juicy mudcovered word. Are you ok now? And why do you leave outback first if you know it's coming? Punish their employees with the cleanup. Epic.

Yeah Im fine...its a one and done thing. Im pretty sure its the wings that do it to me. I hate shitting there cause the bathrooms are always crowded.

no pics?

 

Originally Posted by skisteve

POTY candidate! Worth every juicy mudcovered word. Are you ok now? And why do you leave outback first if you know it's coming? Punish their employees with the cleanup. Epic.

QFT lmfao thats hilarious. God I feel bad for the fucking janitor. If I were him and saw that I would quit on the spot. looooooooool

lmao, epic story... good descriptive writing

I shit once a day every day about 2 minutes after I wake up, no matter what I eat... it's nice imo

curb side take away ftw. Had out back tonight...had major shits, but had no problems getting to the toilet.

lmfao amazing story

"I think I got the swine flu". Priceless. Awesome story. I'd say it was the blooming onion that did it.

Next time take a shit on one of their display thrones, those don't overflow

Epic story lolllllllll

Lol you know it's bad when somebody in the bathroom makes a comment. I've heard people that sound like they are dying so I just try to finish up and get out real quick.

That was funny as hell. This should help with your asshole

I'm starting to wonder about you.

Insanity: repeating the same actions and expecting different results.

Or, are you into this "shit fetish" and continue to eat a place that your body obv does not tolerate??

Anyways, A+ on the writing and the story. Love teh Mr.Blonde ;)