Steven buddy,

first and foremost, you have to get them to understand that this is your job and this is how you make money. To us, it can be tons of fun and extremely profitable but you should try to be professional about it with your woman. For example, try to keep yourself on an even keel AS MUCH as humanly possible. I know it's tough, but as pros we need to be realistic about situations. When you rip off a 60k score, when your gf is set on saying that "oh, well you just made twice my yearly salary today so you should celebrate and buy me sushi and 10 year old wine for the next 2 weeks straight" this is a no no. You need to try not to get tooooo overly excited and explain to her that you play tourney's for a living and there will be large ups but mostly downs and that it's a long term process. I feel like it helps to explain this when the days you go 0fer's that you tell them how much you lose, just to balance it out. Not saying to tell them everytime you lose, but just to remind them how much you are losing when you aren't cashing for 60k. On the other hand, you need to take your own responsibility to try not to be down too hard and take your stress out on her when you have a losing session, this is also very important. She should be the person that makes you feel better after a bad session and helps you realize that life isn't about poker or money.

Me and my gf are used to using the term "work" when I'm putting in a session to help keep perspective that I am at my job and that it's hard to keep contact or get other things done. She used to complain about not being able to talk to me on my sessions, my slow response times on AIM when I'm 10 tabling or that I could never make plans for sundays. Now that is all past us, as we have set down ground rules about sundays and sessions, etc.. she knows that she needs to let me concentrate during those times, but that I will also give her my full attention after the session (or atleast after a 15-20 minute cool down break after a losing session). Make those borders clear to begin with and I think it will help a lot. I don't mind having my girlfriend around while I'm playing, especially if I have a friend or 2 over because she can watch tv or clean up or go talk with them, or even watch me play and once she learns a little about the game, can be fun.

I think if the girl is willing, and to create a healthier relationship, that you SHOULD teach her about poker. And to be honest, it will really benefit both parties if she atleast knows the basics of the game. I started teaching my gf poker about 8 months ago and she has caught on really well and can understand why I'm upset sometimes and also why it is such a skill game. Don't start to teach her by having her watch your sessions and you telling her that you just like queens to jacks and explain why you were an 80% favorite. You need to teach her the fun part of the game first to show her why you play. Tell her it's all about playing the man and not the cards, explain to her about betting and tell her you either bet to get him to call with worse or get him to fold better. If she likes that part of the game and remains interested to learn more and even learn how to play herself, you can get into the basic math part about why you can shove flush draws, why you can reshove small pairs, etc...

My gf knows a lot about the game now, she's able to atleast sit in a home game with a group of my friends and be competent and make some good decisions (sick brag i know). I gave her money for cash games in vegas over the summer and she even made about 900 bucks lol. But the point is, that she understands that I have rough days and have great days, when she needs to let me concentrate, that it's not OK for me to pick up every check a week after a big score, etc..

If at all possible, if some of your other poker buddies in the area have gf's they can all get together to hang out while you guys are playing. I feel like this helps a lot so they can mingle and have a lot in common to talk about (maybe even vent about having a poker bf), and also they will be free at common times because of your schedule.

One more thing that I think helps is to go to the gym with your gf on your off time, not only helps you out physically but you can use it as an excuse to spend some time with your girl while doing something you would be(should be) doing on your own time anyway.

To wrap up - make sure to sent ground rules and borders so they know what's up, it might take some persuading in the beginning to ease them into these rules but they should eventually become assumed so you don't have to get in arguements about it ever. Teaching her the basics of poker is a must (and more depth if she's anxious). I feel like the gf should want to learn a little bit atleast so she can learn about what you do, just like you should have interest in what she does for a living. And also, don't forget to give her your time(and don't take stress out on her) and give her ideas for things to do while you are playing - finding gf's of other poker players.

-TT

 

Originally Posted by titantom32

Steven buddy,

first and foremost, you have to get them to understand that this is your job and this is how you make money. To us, it can be tons of fun and extremely profitable but you should try to be professional about it with your woman. For example, try to keep yourself on an even keel AS MUCH as humanly possible. I know it's tough, but as pros we need to be realistic about situations. When you rip off a 60k score, when your gf is set on saying that "oh, well you just made twice my yearly salary today so you should celebrate and buy me sushi and 10 year old wine for the next 2 weeks straight" this is a no no. You need to try not to get tooooo overly excited and explain to her that you play tourney's for a living and there will be large ups but mostly downs and that it's a long term process. I feel like it helps to explain this when the days you go 0fer's that you tell them how much you lose, just to balance it out. Not saying to tell them everytime you lose, but just to remind them how much you are losing when you aren't cashing for 60k. On the other hand, you need to take your own responsibility to try not to be down too hard and take your stress out on her when you have a losing session, this is also very important. She should be the person that makes you feel better after a bad session and helps you realize that life isn't about poker or money.

Me and my gf are used to using the term "work" when I'm putting in a session to help keep perspective that I am at my job and that it's hard to keep contact or get other things done. She used to complain about not being able to talk to me on my sessions, my slow response times on AIM when I'm 10 tabling or that I could never make plans for sundays. Now that is all past us, as we have set down ground rules about sundays and sessions, etc.. she knows that she needs to let me concentrate during those times, but that I will also give her my full attention after the session (or atleast after a 15-20 minute cool down break after a losing session). Make those borders clear to begin with and I think it will help a lot. I don't mind having my girlfriend around while I'm playing, especially if I have a friend or 2 over because she can watch tv or clean up or go talk with them, or even watch me play and once she learns a little about the game, can be fun.

I think if the girl is willing, and to create a healthier relationship, that you SHOULD teach her about poker. And to be honest, it will really benefit both parties if she atleast knows the basics of the game. I started teaching my gf poker about 8 months ago and she has caught on really well and can understand why I'm upset sometimes and also why it is such a skill game. Don't start to teach her by having her watch your sessions and you telling her that you just like queens to jacks and explain why you were an 80% favorite. You need to teach her the fun part of the game first to show her why you play. Tell her it's all about playing the man and not the cards, explain to her about betting and tell her you either bet to get him to call with worse or get him to fold better. If she likes that part of the game and remains interested to learn more and even learn how to play herself, you can get into the basic math part about why you can shove flush draws, why you can reshove small pairs, etc...

My gf knows a lot about the game now, she's able to atleast sit in a home game with a group of my friends and be competent and make some good decisions (sick brag i know). I gave her money for cash games in vegas over the summer and she even made about 900 bucks lol. But the point is, that she understands that I have rough days and have great days, when she needs to let me concentrate, that it's not OK for me to pick up every check a week after a big score, etc..

If at all possible, if some of your other poker buddies in the area have gf's they can all get together to hang out while you guys are playing. I feel like this helps a lot so they can mingle and have a lot in common to talk about (maybe even vent about having a poker bf), and also they will be free at common times because of your schedule.

One more thing that I think helps is to go to the gym with your gf on your off time, not only helps you out physically but you can use it as an excuse to spend some time with your girl while doing something you would be(should be) doing on your own time anyway.

To wrap up - make sure to sent ground rules and borders so they know what's up, it might take some persuading in the beginning to ease them into these rules but they should eventually become assumed so you don't have to get in arguements about it ever. Teaching her the basics of poker is a must (and more depth if she's anxious). I feel like the gf should want to learn a little bit atleast so she can learn about what you do, just like you should have interest in what she does for a living. And also, don't forget to give her your time(and don't take stress out on her) and give her ideas for things to do while you are playing - finding gf's of other poker players.

-TT

I really appreciate this post tom.
You said a lot of good stuff. I definitely got a few things out of it.
Thanks

Good luck to you on the tables. And to you as well Steve

Nick

Lived with my girlfriend for 3 years now. I must be one of the few lucky ones because she encourages me to play poker, even going so far as not letting me have the laptop when I get home from work unless I promise to play poker.

 

Originally Posted by Etrain99

i think you have bigger problems than you realize

QFT

 

Originally Posted by Etrain99

i think you have bigger problems then you realize

Such as?

 

Originally Posted by ronkend

you have pretty much no clue when it comes to the grind

this, if its ur way of making money and u dont make any, u have to invest more time, the nice thing is it can all change in one night

was gonna say bitches go where the money is, doesnt seem to be a problem here...i hope this is a preemptive measure youre asking and shes not breaking your balls like my girl does.

First of all I'd like to start out by thanking everyone that posted here. There is some really great advice from people whom I respect a lot.

However, I'd like to re-update people on my current situation that has changed. Allison took a job for Taylor, Bean, and Whitaker about a month ago and the whole company was shut down when the FBI came in Boiler Room style. I know we'll be OK, but it is still a horrible story and we feel awful for all the families involved in the tragedy.

So for now I think she's going to pass on looking for a job until I graduate this year which will open a lot more doors. As a side note to that, she has been amazing to have around at all times. It was hard to work around both our schedules, but we were doing a great job and making it work. Now I had her all to myself during FTOPS which couldn't have been better because she turned out to be a great cook!

Not only is she really taking care of me while playing (water, redbulls, homecooked meals), but I also rely on her to ease the end of a losing session. After I got 19th in the $300r (and fkin owned by Moorman), she was the only person I could really go to and vent. I know how fortunate I am in poker, but that doesn't mean I have any less passion for winning than anyone else.

Allison also lived with me the whole time during Vegas and saw the lifestyle of 10 online poker players and still didn't run. Now, things couldn't be better between us, I just hope I can continue the heater and keep her happy. I was worried about caring for someone so much and having poker come between that in any way. All the advice here has really helped me prepare for the future with her, which I am looking forward to to say the least.

I met Imalucksac out in Vegas when I had just started dating a different girl last year. We broke up and I heard Kevin's story. I'd be lying if I wasn't really afraid for the girlfriend and poker aspect of the circuit. Many people here seem to have it down and be happy, I just hope the same for Allison and I.

Thanks again everyone, and each pm helped as well. I wouldn't normally put everything out here like this, but I didn't expect this kind of outreach from the community.

If someone else is in my shoes or somewhere near it, don't hesitate to ask me questions.

-Steven

Nice update and glad to hear everything is going well.

ps...moorman pwns all

UL about her job situation but sounds like it may have been a blessing in disguise.... congrats on things both on and off the felt

 

Originally Posted by TMLMS13

I went through 10 pages of posts about girlfriends and found zero pictures of said girlfriends.

Very Very dissapointed.

guessing this is her... wp PiKapp, wp

"Not only is she really taking care of me while playing (water, redbulls, homecooked meals), but I also rely on her to ease the end of a losing session. After I got 19th in the $300r (and fkin owned by Moorman), she was the only person I could really go to and vent. "

It's great that she is supporting you like this. Just make sure you are doing plenty for her also, regardless of how you're running in poker (can be tougher to consistently do than it sounds). If you reciprocate her support, the sky is the limit for your relationship. Good luck, hope it works out well :)