I was reading The Sportsguy's mailbag yesterday, and in it he brought up a very good point: Sometimes just the "name" makes up half a person's legacy. If you want to be ranked on pocketfives list, you're going to need a screen name that's easy to say and catches the eye. With that said, I would like to rank the best names of the players on the ranking list...

1.) JohnnyBax - The Johnny Wadd of online poker. Just an overall fantastic name. A little bit pornstar, and a little bit comic book action hero. Without this name, I am convinced Mr. Bax would still be idle at #12 in the rankings.

(On a sidenote, and I've never heard this before, but I'd like to guess that the name "JohnnyBax" derives from his two sons' names - Johnny and Baxter.)

2.) SailorLobell - A quality name in its own right. Although I have no idea what it means, maybe that's what is so appealing about it. A giant cloud of mystery.

3.) Gank - Just an unprecedented, confusing name that has no basis for reason or conformity. With that said, I just cannot look away. Extra points for this name because if Gank really used to be a "former model" I can imagine him walking down the runway while the fashion coordinator yells out such things like, "Strut it, Gank! Use the entire runway!"

4.) Haligon - Awesome moniker. When I see Haligon, I think of the periodic table and an element that I never could remember back in high school. And anytime you can get me to think of high school chemistry class, well, you've done good for yourself.

5.) Legggggggggy - A really stupid name that I couldn't even imagine typing in everyday when I signed-on to pokerstars or UltimateBet. Wait, was it 12 g's or only eleven?? Much like Forrest Gump, without the really stupid name, he wouldn't have a special place in our hearts.

6.) NSXT2 - Not sure why I like this one so much, especially considering I always think of him as NEXT2. But it does stick out, and sometimes that all you can ask for out of your screen name.

7.) TheBeat - Named after his favorite Go-Go's song (We Got The Beat), Pete really did a number on the online world when he came out with this popular name. Five years and running, TheBeat is still running strong even today. Top of the charts, baby.

And let's not forget our bottom list, the worst names in online poker (no explanation needed).

77.) Bryan Bevis
76.) G6Dragon
75.) Soupie
74.) Sheets
73.) AngryCLEC

<h2>3 entries found for gank.</h2> <table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Main Entry: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">gank</td></tr><tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap" valign="bottom">Part of Speech: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">noun</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">Definition: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">fake crack cocaine</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Usage: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">slang</td></tr></tbody></table>
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Main Entry: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">gank¹</td></tr><tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap" valign="bottom">Part of Speech: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">verb</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">Definition: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">to steal</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Usage: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">slang</td></tr></tbody></table>

<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Main Entry: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">gank²</td></tr><tr><td align="right" nowrap="nowrap" valign="bottom">Part of Speech: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">verb</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">Definition: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">to show disrespect for; to hurt another's feelings</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="bottom">Usage: </td><td align="left" valign="bottom">slang</td></tr></tbody></table>
these are frm dictionary.com, i did not make them up

isuck123 does NOT make that all name list

Sadly, isuck123, we could not accept your application at this time. We regret to inform you that your name flat out stinks, and anytime you include numbers after the actual name, you lose enough points that you're completely out of consideration.

Although Jenny8675309 would be one badass name. Do you get it?

What about mine? Never doubt the power of the Oxy-moron! It befuddles while enlightening
p.s The sports guy rocks...have everything of his saved to hard drive...I suggest highly

LOL....In my defense I was very young and naive when i first signed up for pokerstars. I thought they were asking for my real name. Despite numerous emails asking for a name change I am still, and will always be, Bryan Bevis. It's gay I know, but it's time for me to embrace it.

Bryan Bevis
acesfull23

Nice to see Random man back in good form.....

So with the whole number thing I would assume you are not a big fan of R2-D2...or Johnny 5!!!

I have no doubt that was the highlight of your week, maybe even month, and were on cloud nine and went out and had a celebratory drink on the "ole BSG"
Atleast thats what I would have done!

RM:

Nice post(s). Simmons is an American treasure. I don't know where to start. My only complaints about Simmons are that he likes (and wastes space writing about) professional wrestling and that he has mediocre taste in music (get over U2 and wanker-80s bands like The The). Otherwise, he is absolutely hilarious. Without thinking about it, you end up adopting a lot of his stuff like Patheon, Unintentional Comedy, Patrick Ewing Theory, etc. Congrats on your brilliantly prurient Curtis P. Enis letter.

f Dale Sveum

S

ok im not one for self-promotion (usually) but im going to have to step in here and nominate bananadwayne as the best name ever........being that my name is neither dwayne or.....banana........oh the hilarity of the name......need i say more

who is sailor lobell?

The best name ever is still this dude I was getting close to a final table with and I check the leader board saw it and had to go into his room and tell him. AND YES IT INVOLVES NUMBERS.

B4iSCREWuRU18

BTW the name Bananadwayne makes me feel inadequit about my penis size there for it should not be included

Great post. So many great laughs generated from it

Very funny stuff. When i picked my name i just picked the stupidest name i could think of just to be disrespected.

How about this one? Say it really fast 5 times in a row.

MYDIXIEWRECKED

Now go out and find someone to take care of that for you.