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In reference to Duff's post and Quality of Life

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  1. Moenasty Moenasty is offline

    Melrose, MA
    United States

    Posts: 188
    Joined: Feb 05

    May 24th, 2006 (5/24/2006 1:47pm)

    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>In reference to all these quality of life posts on here I thought I'd just share a bit of my experience. I became absorbed by poker 9 years ago while in my Sr. year of college. After playing all the junk games with my buddies I became determined to learn how to be a real winning player.

    After graduating I hooked up with my cousin who had moved back home to Boston after spending 4 years studying(more like developing his seven stud game) at UNLV. Both being single we started trekking to Foxwoods on the weekends to play the 3/6 with a kill game. I ironed that game out pretty well for a couple of years as it wasn't too hard to beat anyways. I went on to move up stakes and then finally about 3 years in I lost my love a little bit for the game as I got more into a band I was in. Most of my weekend time became about playing shows or going to them and networking. So you could say I took a sabbattical for about 3 years.</SPAN>

    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>At my last show I met my present wife. We started dating and the rest is history. Before getting engaged I took a job working for a rival sales company to my own. This meant I would be on total commission working on a 25k draw salary in a new market(I had a non compete clause). I was used to making $85k per year. </SPAN>
    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>
    So-fast forward 5 months in the new job, very tough getting going and broke as a joke trying to put a ring on my girls finger. We had just got acomputer and I decided to try some internet poker as I simply only had $25 to put online. Well--I lost that $25 about 10 times. <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>I was SOOO frustrated. I mean...I used to beat up $10/20 and here I couldn't cash in an MTT!!!!?!?!</SPAN>

    But in January of that year I put in $50 and I had just started lurking here.<SPAN class=078582517-24052006> My girlfriend had gone away for the week on business and I needed to play some.</SPAN>

    For some reason a couple of things NSXT had mentioned <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>on the forum about patience and selective aggression </SPAN>stuck in my head., </SPAN><SPAN class=078582517-24052006>With those slight adjustments I went on a massive tournament run on Paradise, turning $50 into $8k in one week. I was so happy. I had figured out how to beat the game. Won Seahorse and PLaya and FT'd a couple more. </SPAN>

    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>So, as things were still developing in my real job I used Online money to buy a rock for my wife, book our honeymoon and pay for part of our wedding. </SPAN>
    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>
    All good right? Also work started turning around and I got back on track at the office and was making some nice bank in the real world. BUT---my wife started getting really frustrated with the amount of time I would spend playing. And I would get angry, defending my playing and saying it was great side money for us.

    A<SPAN class=078582517-24052006>fter arguing with her I started realizing I really needed to step back from the game. I was becoming obsessed with my results and being a great player. I needed to just flat out not play as much at all. I was sacrificing family time to play poker a LOT.,</SPAN>
    <SPAN class=078582517-24052006>
    So, in the past 8 months since my marriage I have removed myself from most of the tournament scene. I allow myself a couple of tourneys a week and thats that. I have the bankroll so I usually play decent events when I do play and I find myself playing much better as I don;t compete as much.

    </SPAN></SPAN><SPAN class=078582517-24052006>My wife does go away for two weeks for work in June so I will get my fix of overdosing in then. But the main message is this- For me, with a 40 hour a week sales job I need to be spending more time on enjoying my family and doing the things that make life great. There's always going to be poker torunaments going off.

    I think I am lucky in that I met my wife before I dove back into the game. I have a feeling if I had met her afterwards I would never have gotten married and I'd also probably be writing this after not leaving my apartment for a week.</SPAN>
  2. jay_shark jay_shark is offline

    NY
    United States

    Posts: 2,633
    Joined: Oct 05

    May 24th, 2006 (5/24/2006 1:53pm) in reply to Moenasty

    What a great post !!
  3. kidhapa kidhapa is offline

    Posts: 70
    Joined: Jan 06

    May 24th, 2006 (5/24/2006 3:06pm) in reply to Moenasty

    ^^^^^^^^^^BUMP
  4. NSXT2 NSXT2 is offline

    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    United States

    Posts: 2,339
    Joined: Feb 05

    May 24th, 2006 (5/24/2006 4:12pm) in reply to kidhapa

    on the same note in case you missed it.....

    Something to Think About
    <TABLE height=50 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=460 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top align=left width=460 colSpan=2 height=1></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=center align=left width=50 height=50></TD><TD vAlign=center align=left width=410 height=50>by Todd Arnold
    </TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top align=left width=460 colSpan=2 height=1></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
    This article is a bit different in nature. It’s not about strategy or even about the game itself. It’s about an epiphany I recently had. It pertains to those of us who play online poker daily and how it can affect your life. And, even if you are a winning player, the effects can be quite negative to your personal life. In this article I am going to go out on a limb and open up to you about what has happened in my personal life due to my continuous play online. It’s not going to be easy for me to admit some of these things to you, but I feel that they are important so that others don’t make the same mistakes.

    I have spoken with many friends who also play online daily and excessively. Over time, we have all noticed the same trend. In my case, I used to be very social. I used to go out and do a lot of things with my friends and girlfriends. What once was a good release and hobby, poker soon became an addiction of a sort and I found myself not going out ever.

    My epiphany is that I actually have become antisocial. My phone used to ring 10 times a day from friends and now the phone rings 30 times a day but it’s my players that I coach, business-related calls for poker, projects, and so on. When a friend does call, it always starts the same way. Instead of, “Hey man,” it’s, “Are you playing right now? OK, I won’t bother you.” Hell, even my dad starts the conversation that way. I have made many good friends on the poker tour but my contact with them, for the most part, is at the tournaments on the road and on the phone. So, essentially all my contact with people has to do with business and that is the same as any workaholic in any field. And we know that is not healthy.

    My relationship of more than three years with my girlfriend has also ended. Whether I can blame poker entirely for this is unknown, but I’ll tell you it certainly didn’t help the situation. Most of my poker friends are also single. Coincidence? I see many players online playing well into the night and morning hours every day. This means that their spouse or significant other is going to bed alone (or with someone else). At first, it doesn’t seem like much of a big deal, as your relationship is probably strong enough to withstand this, but, over time, your partner will grow tired of it. Maybe he or she will never even say anything because your partner doesn’t want to be unsupportive, but, believe me, it’s not helping your relationship. You may be making a lot of money and spending it on the partner, but that stuff doesn’t matter and is not satisfying your partner’s relationship needs. Attention is what your partner needs, not a Rolex.

    Also, many players have a job or career. I have spoken with countless players and they all say the same thing. Whenever they are working, all they think about is poker. My God, this game is worse than crack, I am starting to believe. It is such a great game and great exercise for your mind. Keeping your mind sharp is very important but everything should be done in moderation. People get caught up in the quest for knowledge, desire to get better, and the thrill of the win, and soon the word moderation is not even in their vocabulary.

    In short, when playing this game, you must achieve a balance. If you have a job or career, you have to put that first and foremost. If you don’t have a job and poker is your job, then you need to find other hobbies and activities. You need to make time for friends and loved ones. The truth is, you will probably play better if you do. If you don’t take this game in moderation and achieve a good balance, you will soon find that all your friends are only cyberfriends. Your contact with people will consist of instant messaging, phone calls, discussion forums, and poker room chat boxes. And, soon enough, you will find yourself very lonely.

    Tone it down a bit and pay attention to your life, because when these things happen, it’ll be very difficult to change it back.

    Todd Arnold is the trainer and co-creator of realpokertraining.com. Visit the site or e-mail Todd at twarnold@realpokertraining.com.
     
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