Poker Articles

I have to say a big thank you to everyone who gave encouraging words after reading my first blog.  I was a little overwhelmed by the response, to say the least.  One guy credited me with changing his game and him winning $2,000.  I said, “Dude, I appreciate the thought, but I didn’t play your hands!”  Regardless, I’m happy to know that it helped some people out.  The rules actually helped me this weekend!  I won a $25k tourney and cashed in a $200k, $100k and $20k.

So I decided to switch gears with this blog.  While tourney poker is serious because it involves money, you should also have fun doing it.  Now I can hear some of the Vince Lombardi guys out there saying, “the only thing that matters is winning.”  Well, I’m as competitive as the next guy, but let me cash in every tourney I enter while having some fun, and I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank!

So on that note I have a few “fun” rules to add to the rules from my last column. The rules have nothing to do with winning and everything to do with rolling on the floor laughing!  The Slotsman of the Month will be the guy or gal that I think is the luckiest person on the Net for that particular month.  More on that in a bit, but let’s get to the new rules.

Rule #6  NEVER play KQ

This rule is dedicated to my buddy, ORCCA.  He swears he’s never won a single frickin hand with this garbage!  Everytime he gets it and decides, against better judgement, to play it, he pays the ultimate price--losing major chips!  So I decided to do an informal study.  I got out my pop tarts, strawberry of course, and did some in-depth (ok, I just wrote some stuff down on a piece of paper) testing.  I tracked the results of every single time I had this hand.  I will tell you that the results were inconclusive.  I found that I had won 35% of the time.  Now this may be good or bad, but ORCCA says don’t play them so DON’T!

Rule #7  Silly Rabbit, trix are for kids!

You’re getting low on chips, and you’re just before the cutoff and decide to steal the blinds….NOOOOOOO!  Have you guys not read the Bible?!?!?  You know the part on the Ten Commandments that says, “Thou shalt not steal?!?!?!"  This is how you get knocked out of tourneys. You try to be cute, raise all in with your 47 off and someone calls you with AA….HA!!  Serves you right.  Besides, you don’t think that Santa Clause is watching, but HE IS!

Rule #8  Enough with the All-ins!!! 

I’m playing in the $25k rebuy at pokerstars.  There are close to 1,000 entries.  I don’t need to tell you what the first hour of a rebuy is like. However, what never ceases to amaze me is what happens after the cash cut is reached….it’s a frickin all-in fest!  There were more all-ins than fat men at a free buffet.  Do the cards matter?  NOOO!!  The mantra is “be loose as a pornstar.”  I’m the BB with KK, and the blinds have risen to 6,000-12,000.  The guy under the gun, BigGunX, goes all-in for about 150,000 chips.  The cutoff, bambam905, calls with around 140,000.  I call with my measley 110,000 chips.  The cutoff guy shows Q4. The UTG guy shows QJ off. I look at these cards and say, “what a bunch of frickin morons,” with affection of course, because we all love fish!  The flop is KJ2. I’m busy figuring out if I’ll be in the chip lead when 5 falls on the turn and 8 on the river.  I ask the guy, “how in God’s name (which I shouldn’t have said because God already knows he created this guy to be a moron), could you make that call?!?!?!"  The answer, which I love oh so much was, “it was suited.”  Therein lies the reason for my 36th place finish. Which leads me to the Slotsman awards!

Why the name, Slotsman?  Well, this person plays poker with the same skill that it takes at the slot machines….just pull the lever!  This award goes to the individual who shows remarkable fishing skills.  Yes, this person may not have much poker talent, but they sure can get conversation started up!  The first nominee is BigGunZ....um P, no I mean X.  (does it matter?)  So what if he can’t play his way out of a paper bag--if you listen to him he’ll tell you how great he is…righttttt.  Just re-read rule #8.  The next candidate is RapidMoves, who went all in with Q7 off after a flop of AK6, against AK, and caught running trips!!  Moving right along, we have Marken.  Marken calls my all in with (wait for this, it’s really special) 93 off!!  Of course he catches trips, and the rest, as they say, is history.  The final entry for the coveted award is Brissa. There simply are too many hands to describe the wonder of this player's mind.  I mean who else would guess that I was bluffing with AA all-in?  That’s the reason he decided that 72 off was the perfect hand to call my all-in with. What a crafty guy!  If I would’ve known he had that monster I would’ve folded!  Well, it’s time for the fateful decision.  After much deliberation on the can and a drumrolllllllllll, the winner isssssss....A TIE!!!  Can you believe it?!?!?!  Let’s give our winners a hand!! 

Look, if you can’t laugh at yourself or preferably others, you need to get a life!!  Hope this gave you some chuckles and that you’re looking forward to next month's winners!