Bad Beats
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OK OK. big HEMS!!!! here. i know you guys loved my last bad beat story. ( i hate people who laugh at the bad beats of others!!!) But this one is just toooo much badder.
ok. so im sitting at the $1-2 NO LIMIT!!! table on ub!!! i buy in for $40, the minimum, because I LOVE TO GO ALL IN!!!!!!! wooooooooo! i hate those people who hate going all in. next month i am legally changing my name to AL En. But anyway, back to the BAD BEAT! OK. So ive built my $40 up to $100!!! WOOT! after a few good plays, a few times in which i had my stupid idiot friggen donkey oppoents soot dominated when they went all in, i took their $$.
I look down at K Q on the BUTTON!!! for those of you who are knew, the button is the best position in hold em because you get to play with the dealer disc while you are bored in the hand. ok. ok. anyway, i do a fist pump because i love being sooted. it means i might hit a flush. ok. a few UTG limpers, i RAISE IT UP to $4.25!!! why a small raise BIG HEMS?!?! well nub, its because i like to raise it UP!!! ok, sb bb and the limpers call. 5 people see the flop.
HERE COMES THE FLOP!! WOOT! FLOP 2 A Q
OK I DO 2 FIST PUMMPS!! (pump pump) i have flopped a pair and the nut flush draw. and a royal flush draw. I do some quick math and calculate the $60 in the pot and the 6-1 chance i have of hitting my royal gives me some pretty good odds, so when the bb bets $10, and a limper raises to $30, i have to do some thinking. after doing the math and putting them both of JJ ( different suits of course! LOL) i go all in to see where im at. this concept may be knew to you nubs. basically, if you don't know if you have the best hand.. GO ALL IN! if you get called, you are beat.. or you are ahead, and if you dont get called... $$$
OK LONG STORY SHORT. i lost to a friggin idiot with AQ OFFSUIT who plays that for a $2 raize??? AND WHY DIDNT HE PUT ME ON 22 LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE?!?! GOOD THING I DIDNT HAVE 22 my god friggen idiots
TURN J i creamed my pants when this card came.. 2-1 that i will hit my royal now!!!
river 2
yeah.. 2 2 s SO RIGGED!!!
BIG HEMS OUT
PS I posted this at the end of the month so its fresh in their minds... $20 please!!!
EDIT PPS. BET ON THE NON-RELATIVE STRENGTH OF YOUR HAND!! i cant emphasize this enough. if you have quads... with 22223 ont he board and you have 45... GO ALL IN... YOU HAVE QUADS!!! I MEAN COME ON!! you cant lose with quads.. when was the last time you lost with quads?!?! and besides.. it lets you tell people that you lost with quads, they will feel bad for you, and might give u some $$$ BIG HEMS OUT
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I am proud to say that big hems lives like 5 minutes away from me... Hems Owns
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Hey, Espo... you're just a tad too tightly wound... May I suggest a massive increase of fiber in your diet... Also you might consider a personality transplant ~ in your case, this might even be worthy of consideration as EMERGENCY SURGERY... and if these two options aren't acceptable, try getting laid at least once or twice a year, if you can get anyone of the opposite sex to remain in the same location with you for a couple minutes....
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I won best bad beat t shirt of July, but this is pure genious. Quotes from Hems posts are now my away message on AIM, amazing. haha.
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TOOOOOOOOO hilarious WOOT. The morons that took it seriously was just as funny. Wait a minute, there's not two 2 of diamonds in the deck. Whatever, next you will be telling me the south LOST LMAO.
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Hems=the Man!!! Funniest stuff I've read in awhile.
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bmac
(United States)
7,743
Posts.
Joined
08-27-2005.
09-16-2005 11:05 AM
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In reply to
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I tell ya Hems, if there wasn't AQ limpers & luck in poker, you'd win every one!!
And I tried your tidbit about 2222 QUADS ON THE BOARD!! So I did what you said, I raized it up! He asked me if I had an A & I told him I had a 5th TWO cause he didn't realize we were playing a DOUBLE DECK GAME!! GAW, FRICKIN NUBFISHDONK!
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WOOT!
I'm back again... This is my third read. I love it.
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God damn funny... My eyes are watering
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