Poker Discussion Post

It's hard to pick out where to start. The past few years, I have been forced to go underground and stay mysterious. It's not something I really chose, but it was something forced upon me. I was fourteen turning fifteen, and I was much too immature to handle the situation (ABlackCar incident, and the underage violations that followed). I am almost embarrassed reading my posts about the situation, but I realize that I was still very young at the time. I don't mean to use this as an excuse, but I was clueless. Ever since that day, I have been forced to stay under the surface.

After all that happened, I was banned from PokerStars and PartyPoker, and all my accounts were closed for being underage. My immaturity again was working against me. I didn't think what I was doing was wrong. After that, it was a downward spiral. I was a fugitive in the online poker world. I used the reasoning "if I'm already a wanted man, I might as well maximize my value." It was terrible logic, but it made sense to me then.

I continued to back players and continued meeting more people. This wasn't easy for me, since I knew I had to watch who I trusted. I couldn't leave the game, there was just no way. I had to be playing, I had to be involved. I don't think you could call it an obsession, as much as a passion. I loved the game so deeply that I would play it at any cost. I'd use screen names of people I hardly knew, which ended up in me getting screwed over multiple times. For some reason, I never cared. The money never mattered to me; I was just in love with the game.

Throughout this period, I could really see myself growing up.  Well, during the time I didn't, but now I can see it. I started getting more conscious about playing on sites that I had already been shut away from. It had begun to tear me apart inside.  It was a confliction between my own growing maturity and my childish passion for the game, and my childish passion was winning.  Accounts were getting closed, people were trying to take money from me, but I kept playing full force. I regret it, but I understand my position. I still don't fully understand myself, but I didn't care about the money, the drama, anything really. I just wanted to keep playing the game. I was stubborn and ignorant to what I was doing.

Transition to present time. I do believe I have matured and developed a sense of morals and personal ethics. I was always too scared to apologize to the community, mostly due to the fact I didn't think what I was doing was wrong. I finally realize now that I was cheating completely. I neglected my fellow poker players and cheated a wonderful thing we have with online poker. I betrayed a community I cared so much about all for selfish reasons. It shames me to think about it. I did it for so long, and I never had the courage to quit and admit what I was doing was wrong.

So, I write this to officially apologize to the community. I apologize to the people that have been close to me and have been given a negative name due to my actions. I apologize to all the players I played with under unknown names and gave myself an unfair advantage. I give my word that I will never multi-account again, and I will not play online until I am 18. I apologize to the sites that I unfairly took advantage of. I don't expect to be forgiven right away, but I hope I can earn the forgiveness of the community, the sites, and even my friends.



-Josh