Poker Discussion
|
|
Please help support pocketfives by using our links when choosing to download a new site!
CarbonPoker · Full Tilt · Cake Poker · PokerStars · Ultimate Bet · Players Only · Bodog
|
To all players who have encountered the situation, or some variation of it. Not to offend any of the talented youngins on the site, but I would like the responses to be post college experience, since college times tend to sidetrack on many tangents and influences.
Here we go, I am a 28 year old from NY. Career is on the right path, working at a large Investment Bank as a Credit Def Swap / Loan Exposure Analyst. Current salary around 200k. All things pointing in right direction. Have a GF for about a year now, and she moved in with me due to her living arrangements and work situation in past September. She is a great girl, who I hope to marry one day. Apartment is not too big, so not very easy to have your own space. Looking at a bigger place next year. I pay all bills and expenses for both of us (she is out of work currently)
Poker: I am a winning player, not too much time for cash games, played mostly the late nite party tourneys. Too put in perspective, I have won the party midnite 100.. 3 times in last year 10k -13k wins, with at least another 10 -12 final tables with results all through 2 – 10. Very good results in Big Sunday tourneys when I play, just not a big win yet. I won a couple of Step 5s for 9k when they first started on party. Those are the bigger wins, plenty of FTs mixed in for less. I havent played much in last coupel months do too the new living arrangements
Dilemma: My GF is 100% against Poker, says its gambling and does not listen to normal reason, even as I won a Party 100 last month for 10k right in front of her. Any logic which shows my winning against the avg player does nothing for my argument, its stuck in her head that she doesn’t like it. She is very stubborn about anything that she thinks is wrong… She does say however, that going down to Atlantic City on the odd occasion is OK. Just that playing online is ridiculous and gambling gambling gambling. She refuses to listen to any argument. Poker is fun for me, I love the competition, I love the math, and my record shows I can beat 95% of tourney players pretty consistently. I would rather play a late nite tourney than sit at a local bar with couple friends. Nothing has changed her opinion about this. I have offered a compromise of playing once a week, just a 100 or 50 tourney. She says playing once a week is like going to AC once a week, which would be crazy and unacceptable. I have hardened my stance recently since I believe she is going too far. This is my fun, and I am a winning player. She has said if I play once a week in one tourney it will threaten our relationship. I do not like being held hostage like this, I believe it’s a bit unreasonable to make the threat. But I can’t question another person’s opinion on it, it’s their opinion I guess, and they have every right to believe as strongly as they want.
Need:
I need to know what’s happening out there regarding this.. How have you guys handled the situation? And am I or she being unreasonable here. I am obviously not going to lose her because of poker, but I don’t agree with being told I can’t play because of someone’s flawed opinion. This is my fun, I am a 28 year old adult who pays all the bills and takes care of everything. All serious thoughts are greatly appreciated.
ginzorella
|
|
|
|
|
I don't get it, either she is against gambling or not, why would she say it's okay to go to A.C. every once in awhile?. I just don't see this being a gambling issue, it looks like it's a event that takes time away from her, issue. Try playing some online free games like chess and soon you will find out what her real issue is. She is probably bored with all her free time, not working, so she has plenty of 'alone' time and wants you to spend yours with her. gl
|
|
|
Interesting how long the post are on this topic. I'm 37 married for 13 years, When I started out my wife was very leery of the idea and was basically against it. I told her I was going to play and that I would invest so much money, in my case a $1,000 and if I went broke then I'd be done. That was a year and half ago, I won US a trip to Aruba and gave her(well to pay down some bills) 10k once when I hit a big score. I cash out occasionally and haven't had to rebuy and play part time. She was almost at ultimatum point in the beginning but now enjoys and encourages my play and the oocasional trip.
As long as your not blowing through loads of money, sounds like your a winning player, if this is true, I'd be the one giving the ultimatum. Your not married yet, the guy who said RED FLAG was dead on.
|
|
|
My girlfriend doesn't know anything about poker but gives me justification with playing and even supports me. We all have hobbies, right? But you've touched upon that analogy to an extent with the going to the bars with friends bit and spending money there.
Bottom line is this: BALANCE - if you aren't spending enough time with her outside of work and late night poker, then there may be more to this story than you've said. If that is not the case, you may lose her over poker whether you care to admit it or not.
gg alimony
|
|
|
Gentlemen,
Thank you for the responses so far... they are well thought out and helpful.
some points to help expand on my issue
1. Some of her reasoning is that by playing at all I am not "respecting" her and her view
2. She did have relatives who have gambled their life away
3. She is not good at looking at all the points I've made, she is more stubborn and once something gets in her head....thats what she is running with, period (we ae all stubborn in some ways)
4. Since she currently isnt working... when i am home, she is home.. therefore very hard to find time where we arent in direct contact. And if she isnt around, she would view playing then as a backstab... disrespect that i ran to play while she was gone... further justifying my supposed "addiction"
5. She does require a lot of attention, and if anything.. sports, poker appears to have ANY of my attention she will question her place in my ranking of importance
6. i do work heavy hours, so if i play its gonna be late nite... 10pm - 4am (which also gives the impression of "addiction" since I am staying up all nite playing poker.
She basically does what most women do when they are not happy with something and want more
Poker doesnt have much going for it in this lousy argument.. besides being fun for me and also making money.... Shouldnt this be enough?
more thoughts appreciated
ginzorella
|
|
|
Seriously man kick that bitch to the curb...............
How can someone as smart as you not see this?
Do it today.
43 and married here, and I am completely serious.
|
|
|
I find keeping records ends all questions. I have been playing seriously since 1994, started dating my now wife in 95. I was working a part-time job delivering pizzas and driving 45 minutes each way to play poker a set 40 hrs a week at that point. After we had been dating for about 2 months she and a cpl of her friends had come over to my apartment and wanted to have a talk about gambling addiction. After about 10 -15 minutes of them saying all gambling is losing and me trying to get a word in any were I could. I asked if I could show results would it help. I had told my girlfriend several times up to that point that she could see any of my records at anytime. I pulled out the huge columnar pad that I used to keep detailed records in. I explained how I kept records and showed all the numbers. I even to this day still allow my wife to look at all my records and log into sites ( now that I play 99% online) to check my accounts ( and every feb. I go to the accountant to take a big hit in da pocket for it). It still took her several months of actually seeing me use the pad to document everything before she became confident that I wasnt fudging numbers. I saw your post and cringed a bit hehe. It took a bit , but my wife loves that I play poker now.
|
|
|
|
the bitches are the rake...throw her to the curb
|
|
|
|
Speaking as a 39 year old with a wife of 10 years and (2) children, I think I can offer a different perspective. If you are like most of the folks on this site, I think it would be a difficult choice to give up what you love to do. You may be able to do it for a while. In the end you would probably resent your significant other for forcing you to give it up. There has to be some comprimise in any relationship. I think you made a valid attempt at meeting her half way.
My two cents would be to find someone that is a little more understanding of your hobbies (passions). My wife understands that this is something I love to do. She also understands that this hobby has funded some of our recent family vacations. As long as it does not intrude on family time or work, it should not be an issue. I generally am playing in late night tourneys.
Remember it is very difficult to change ones DNA. This is something we love to do. The fact that she does not see the enjoyment you get out of it is a bad sign. Take this for what it is worth.
Good Luck.
|
|
|
|
I think it all became a lot clearer when you posted your followup, namely point #2. She's had family members who had serious gambling problems, and she can't get past that. Everything else goes back to that - she has this mental block, one that she really doesnt want to face, and whenever you don't accede to it, she feels slighted. You need to adress that first and foremost. Poker, like virtually anything enjoyable, can become a problem if done in excess and without self-control. You need to stress that you have the self-control necessary to do it in moderation, and that while you sympathize with the gambling problems of her relatives, and understand her hangup, you are a different example. Many people become alcoholics, but you can have an occasional drink without becoming addicted. You need to both discuss with her the problems that her family members had, while illustrating the differences between the them and you, while reinforcing that you have your situation completely under control. If she loves and respects you, she should eventually realize that you have the capability to enjoy poker without going down the same road as her family members. However, to get there, you're going to have get through her unresolved issues stemming from her family gambling problems, and that's the hardest part. Until you adress that with her and get her to discuss it, there's no logical discourse that can occur - she has a subconscious, unresolved issue that is preventing rational compromise from occuring.
|
|
|
So lets see....You pay for everything...you make bank at 200k a year....she has no job...you play poker with your money....you showed her wins of $10k...and she tells you to quit. Tell her to take it or leave it... This just happened with my girlfriend and I...i mean ex gf...dumb bitch never got it...
$
|
|
|
Wow...OK, where do I start?
First, I think the "having relatives who have gambled their life away" part of it is the $64,000 issue here, in my book. My mother's cousin lost her house and life savings a couple of years ago in the slot machines at various Indian casinos across the Midwest...so when she found out I was playing poker, she was REALLY concerned. Until I showed her that I was making money, consistently. Until she was visiting and watched me make money. Hell, she was impressed last weekend when I won $100 in a 1/2 NL ring game, much less some of the recent MTT cashes that she doesn't know about. Success can often win someone over...but it doesn't sound like your GF is one of them.
There's definitely a bigger-picture issue here with her being unhappy that she's unemployed, and it's very possible that her issue with poker is just a manifestation of that general unhappiness. No, I'm not a shrink, I just play one in long-winded Internet message board ramblings. It sounds like she's taking your "there's nothing wrong with it, I make money and I enjoy it" position as a personal affront, which often happens in times like what she's going through. That doesn't change the fact that she's being stubborn in her demand for you to give up something that is an important part of who you are.
I can't give the "kick the bitch to the curb" bullshit response that others have, because I have no doubt that you love her, and that she loves you. It's not that simple. The problem is that, it seems to me, she has an unhealthy definition of what love is right now. So there's two ways this can go:
1) You quit playing completely until she gets her career and self-esteem back on track, and then bring the issue up again once she's in a different place in her life.
2) You keep playing as much as you feel comfortable with (your initial compromise seems like the right amount), and you let the relationship take its course from there. You would certainly not be the first couple to date for awhile in absolute bliss, then run into an irresolvable conflict once you move in together.
Unfortunately, you're the only one who can pick which option to take. Good luck.
|
|
|
|
Ask yourself this: Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't
think rationally about this? Ask her why playing a $100 buyin MTT
is any different than playing a $100 round of golf with your buddies,
or a $100 night out at the bar with your buddies, or something of that
nature. It is your money, you can do what you want with it.
It is not illegal, you don't sound like have a gambling problem, you
have other priorities in order, and for christ's sakes, if you can
consistently turn a profit, WHERE IS THE PROBLEM HERE? My parents
feel the same way about this (my poker hobby), and the best way to
convince them that poker is a different animal than BJ, Craps,
Roulette, etc... is education. Show your gf your spreadsheets,
pokertracker, whatever; if she still can't accept it as a legitimate
hobby, then I'd figure out if this is the poker itself that she doens't
like, or if it's a manifestation of something else. If she wants
to hold you hostage like this on this issue, who'd to say she won't do
it with something else you love to do? Good luck.
|
|
|
Here is the bottom line:
Poker is not life. Life is made of the relationships we build with people.
If you love her...and you feel like she is the woman you will spend the rest of your life with...then it is only proper that you honor her request and quit playing poker.
Now, having said that, succeeding at marriage means mastering the art of compromise. If she truly believes that gambling is bad for you and she is sticking to her beliefs, then that is something you should respect. And you should tell her as much.
If, however, she is using this to test your commitment to her, then you need to be sensitive enough to figure that out. If this is the case, you need to explain to her what she means to you...and explain that she is more important than poker. Then try to compromise with her about times, etc.
And, if this is the case, you need to back up your words with actions by showing her that she IS more important.
If she is unwilling to compromise, and you truly love her, then this is the point where you need to quit asking her to bend her very strong beliefs about this issue and take up a new hobby.
|
|
|
Let me tell you about my situation.
I have been married about two and a half years and started playing
about a year ago. My wife made me promise never to deposit and I have
kept that promise. I am able to play for real money because I built up
my bankroll from playing freerolls and because of a no deposit bonus I
got at Party. My wife still doesn't like it when I spend too much time
on poker and most of the time she complains, she is right.
This was actually good in a way because it forces me to play as well as
I can and not throw my money away. I would probably be a losing player
if I deposited. Right now I am a little better than breakeven.
I agree with the other posters that said that if your girlfriend is not
prepared/willing to compromise then this relationship will be a
problem. You said that your girlfriend is very stubborn and not willing
to listen to anything you have to say on this subject.
This may turn out to be a very big problem should you eventually get
married to her. The number one thing that is needed in marriage is good
communication. No one ever gets everything they want but at least they
can be heard and understood and a compromise can be reached.
So, what are your choices?
1) Give up poker totally. Even then, once you have established a
precedent that she has the right to tell you what to do and things are
not up for discussion, who knows what this will lead to in the future?
2) Take a stand and tell her in no uncertain terms that right now you
are not prepared to give up poker completely (for all the reasons you
mentioned). You are willing to compromise but she can forget about
stopping you from playing totally.
3) Agree with her to explain the situation to someone impartial that you both trust and follow his/her advice.
Furthermore, it sounds a little ungrateful of her to make these demands of you.
You are not married to her right now and are providing her with room
and board for free. She is not working right now so she would not be
able to support herself.
Does she appreciate this and show her appreciation? It sounds a little
bit selfish of her because you are doing all this for her and yet she
feels she has the right to make this kind of unconditional demand on
you.
|
|
|
|
Ditch the bitch.
You pull down $200K. She's unemployed.
Her job is to shut up and spread 'em or pack her shit.
Who owns?
You do, sir.
Act like it.
|
|
|
|
|
PocketFives.com Rankings
|
|
|
|
|
Carbon Poker Sorting Tables
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|